I found a way to motivate DD (or punish her, she says)

[RoughCollie]

I got this idea from my brother, who does this with his girls. One of his DDs lied to him, and he told her to bring him her laptop, her t.v., her cell phone, her iPod, her video game console, and her makeup.

 

My brother said, "It's simple. You take away what they value most." Makeup? That had never crossed my mind.

 

I simply told DD that if she does not do X, I will take away her hair straightener and her makeup for a certain period of time.

 

She doesn't care if she loses anything else -- t.v., computer and phone privileges, and iPod, which is a real PITA for me. She was absolutely horrified by this!

 

If she would just do her few chores when she is supposed to, it wouldn't come to this.

 

I haven't had to do it yet because she's started doing what she is told. I guess the worst thing that could happen to her is to have to go to school with natural straight hair instead of stick straight hair. :D

 

Her room is clean for the first time in months -- to my relaxed standards, not to her much lower ones.

Edited May 4, 2010 by RoughCollie

[SonshineLearner]

VERY funny!!

 

:)

[springmama]

I used to take away my older dds hair straightener all the time.

 

Her solution was not to earn it back or avoid losing it again...it was to refuse to wash her hair. She'd rather have straight dirty hair than clean wavy hair.

 

I used to take her makeup away too. She used markers....I swear I don't make this stuff up. Markers. On her eyes and lips.

 

I should have taken pictures for her baby book, lol!

 

Now we take away the cell phone and give extra chores to do to earn it back. That seems to work, though there are some days when I don't even need to lift a finger because she earns the right to do everything around the house.

 

Today I made her "lightheaded and faint" by making her carry toys up and down steps to relocate them. I had planned on doing it myself but well, she got mouthy and.........she told me it was "cruel and unusual punishment" and earned herself another extra chore.

[RoughCollie]

Her solution was not to earn it back or avoid losing it again...it was to refuse to wash her hair. She'd rather have straight dirty hair than clean wavy hair.

 

...she told me it was "cruel and unusual punishment" and earned herself another extra chore.

 

My DD sometimes takes 2 showers a day -- there is no way any part of her body will remain uncleaned for more than a few hours. She isn't OCD -- she's just fastidious and spends a looooong time on personal grooming every day.

 

If DD used markers, her brothers would never let her live it down.

 

My DD talks about child labor laws when she gets mouthy. In return, she gets a speech about these laws and what caused them to be put in place. Often, I go into the current child labor situation in foreign countries.

 

Then I ask her to unload the dishwasher again -- a 3 minute experience of child labor. It's either that or move to Thailand (or wherever) and join the workforce.

[Frontier Mom]

Boy, you are tough!! Now, what about the boys? Take away their basketball or basketball shoes? Hummm.

[justamouse]

Ohhh that's a good one! Esp for my cosmo daughter.

 

Though that would be the gauntlet. If I did that, the whole dynamics of our relationship would change.

 

Right now I take away the puter and her cell phone and that works.

[springmama]

My DD sometimes takes 2 showers a day -- there is no way any part of her body will remain uncleaned for more than a few hours. She isn't OCD -- she's just fastidious and spends a looooong time on personal grooming every day.

 

If DD used markers, her brothers would never let her live it down.

 

My DD talks about child labor laws when she gets mouthy. In return, she gets a speech about these laws and what caused them to be put in place. Often, I go into the current child labor situation in foreign countries.

 

Then I ask her to unload the dishwasher again -- a 3 minute experience of child labor. It's either that or move to Thailand (or wherever) and join the workforce.

 

That's because your daughter is apparently a normal teenager.

 

Mine is not....in many ways. Look up Oppositional Defiant Disorder in the dictionary and you'll find a picture of her. She will do anything to spite me and often causes herself great misery in order to cause me a tiny bit of inconvenience.

 

Thankfully she's growing out of the extreme behavior but yeah....she's a bit over the top.

 

She asked for a dishwasher for her 16th birthday because washing dishes by hand once a day is just too much for her, lol!

[Journey]

Oh my gosh, I almost spit my beets out of my mouth when I read about Springmama's daughter becoming lightheaded and faint. That is EXACTLY what my daughter would have said! Teenaged girls are really very funny in the drama department. My daughter always has dramatic episodes and I want to pee my pants laughing because she is totally serious when she tells me how she can't do this or that because of this or that!

 

Good idea about the straightener though. Can you imagine? If these girls didn't straigthen their hair, I don't think we'd be able to tell them apart!

[babysparkler]

Oooh! This is good! I'll have to make a note of it for when my dd is that age :lol:.

[Dawn in OH]

When I was a kid my mom would take away my curling iron. Oh that was awful!

[linders]

but it shows that everyone has something they value! You might want to point out to here that "the cosequence fits the crime" - she is not acting in a mature manner (not being responsible at a level appropriate to her age) and therefore has not earned the privelages attendant to that age.

[RanchGirl]

I think this is great. I am trying to make sure that I don't react in an emotional/freaking out/shaming way to misbehavior, I just calmly give consequences that will be effective and then follow through. I have boys so I can't take away cosmetics or hair appliances, but I can take away sports games on TV, driving them to wherever they want to be, etc. It's very effective!