hanki Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 your daughter was pleading with you to go back to public school? Here's the story... My oldest dd(14) has been in the ps system before (K-6). We decided to pull her out for middle school. Well her 8th grade year is coming close to an end and she is persistent about going to high school. She has homeschool friends, we belong to a co-op, and she is aslo involved in various youth group activities, however, she is longing to be with all the "other kids" every day. I am not sure if it is being home with younger sibs ds(10), dd(5), and neice(2). They drive her crazy and they fight often. Or maybe, it's a lack of me making homeschool enjoyable. She seems less motivated to get her work done correctly. She did well, in fact, better academically in ps. Here's the downfall of our area high school: it's the largest in the state of MO, they recently redistricted and that resulted in kids (most not so favorable) coming from a different high school and to top it all off they recently had a shooting out in their parking lot during a basketball game (no one was hurt, thank God) and there seems to be fights frequently. She understands my concerns for her safety but she still wants to go to be with her other friends. HELP! I need some ideas that will maybe make the idea of hs'ing more attractive to her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 your daughter was pleading with you to go back to public school? Nope. I only have an 8 year old. He hasn't asked to go to school, but he does ask for many things that I think are not in his best interest. And he pleads too. I think it is our job as parents to do what is best for them even when they want the opposite. I bet other moms of teens will have good ideas on making her like her situation more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMindy Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 Honestly, I don't think I would factor her wishes very heavily into my descision. I would do what dh and I feel is the best for her. Now, that might be public school, but it wouldn't be out of pressure. She can't see the big picture. However, I would make some compromises with her. Try to make a point to treat her as more mature and involve her more in the curriculum and planning. Do some fun projects. Have a group of girls over to do fun projects. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda in VT Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 I do think that by the time kids are in high school they deserve some input decisions that affect their education. This doesn't mean that you do whatever they want, nor does it mean that you allow whining. But I think it is appropriate for your daughter to have a time to present her opinion to you and your husband and for the two of you to take time to consider what she is saying. Then, if you decide that public school is not an option, you need to tell her that you listened, you made your decision, and the time for discussion about ps is over. (I would then enlist her help in finding ways to improve the homeschooling situation to address any issues she has with it.) Disclaimer: Currently afterschooling, and generally in the "which option provides the best education" camp. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawn E Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 Is she asking specifically to attend this school you have mentioned or to go back to a school environment? If she wants to go back to school in general, I would begin researching alternatives for her. Surely other schools exist in the area that would be more desirable. I understand, however, that financially some may not be an option. Ultimately it will be a decision you and your dh will have to make together. I can't imagine sending my dd to a huge public high school, but dh does want her to go to high school outside of the home. However, when that time comes I hope to have found a private school that I am comfortable sending her to. We all have our different views re: hs, but I do think some children excel in school settings. I hope you are provided with a wonderful solution to your dilemma. Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adrianne Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 Honestly, I don't think I would factor her wishes very heavily into my descision. I would do what dh and I feel is the best for her. Now, that might be public school, but it wouldn't be out of pressure. She can't see the big picture. However, I would make some compromises with her. Try to make a point to treat her as more mature and involve her more in the curriculum and planning. Do some fun projects. Have a group of girls over to do fun projects. :iagree: Another thought, sometimes we think the grass is greener on the other side (when in fact it is not). If she is romanticizing about how wonderful public school life is, then she does not realize the reality of a public high school. Maybe somehow, you can help realize that she has a good life and that ps is not the wonderful thing she thinks it is? Sorry that I can't think of how to do this. I will pray that God gives you the wisdom to figure it out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LG Gone Wild Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 what about a charter school? In California, charter schools have facilities where kids can take classes. I suppose it might be like a co-op (I haven't ever participated in one, though) but more reg. school-like. It's a nice combination between homeschool and brick and mortar school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 What would you do if... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- your daughter was pleading with you to go back to public school? She understands my concerns for her safety but she still wants to go to be with her other friends. HELP! I need some ideas that will maybe make the idea of hs'ing more attractive to her. I'd say "No". Children do not know what they are asking for, the whole social/academic picture when they ask to attend school. Perspective on that takes adult years to understand and process. The choices my kids get in terms of their education are they have an avenue to discuss issues within our homeschool and together we discuss ways to make our homeschool work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hanki Posted March 28, 2008 Author Share Posted March 28, 2008 what about a charter school? In California, charter schools have facilities where kids can take classes. I suppose it might be like a co-op (I haven't ever participated in one, though) but more reg. school-like. It's a nice combination between homeschool and brick and mortar school. I explored the option of charter schools a few years back. The only thing with those is I think you are entered into a lottery and not to mention, they're unfortunately, most or all in the city of St. Louis. Which is not too far from us (approx. 15-20 miles). I'm just not real thrilled about our city here (sorry if I offend any other St. Louisians out there). I think I might give it another look though. Things might be different now. Thank you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PariSarah Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 I do think that by the time kids are in high school they deserve some input decisions that affect their education. This doesn't mean that you do whatever they want, nor does it mean that you allow whining. But I think it is appropriate for your daughter to have a time to present her opinion to you and your husband and for the two of you to take time to consider what she is saying. Then, if you decide that public school is not an option, you need to tell her that you listened, you made your decision, and the time for discussion about ps is over. (I would then enlist her help in finding ways to improve the homeschooling situation to address any issues she has with it.) Spot on. Give her a chance to state her concerns, involve her in the process as much as you can, and take her needs (which may not be the same as her felt needs) into account. Be willing to get creative--brainstorm (maybe together with her) ways that you can both get what you want most. And it may be that it's not school that she wants most, but that school seems to be the most convenient way to get what she wants. Separately, but simultaneously, make sure that she knows that pestering and whining are non-starters. She's not mature enough to be in charge of her life, and pestering and whining are just one more demonstration of her immaturity. They will keep you from taking her seriously. Etc., etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claire Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 Well, my dd is an only child. She *really* wanted the high school experience, so we allowed her to start 9th grade in the public high school. She has done very well there (she's currently a junior). Had we kept her home, I'm pretty sure she would have been depressed. She enjoys rubbing shoulders with others her age every day, and the competitive edge there has made her work harder on academics than she did when she was homeschooled. Dh and I do *not* like the textbook materials and the teacher approaches nearly as well as our own. There have been advantages and disadvantages. My dd now recognizes some of the advantages of homeschooling, but she wouldn't trade her public high school experience for them. I will say that I think she has learned a great deal in those three years that will help her later in life. She does not care for many aspects of the school experience, but overall the experience has been a positive one for her. One thing to keep in mind is that many high schools will not recognize homeschool credits as counting towards their diploma. This is why many homeschoolers start their children out in 9th grade in public school rather than later. We felt that it was very important for us to honor our dd's strong desire to participate in the public high school experience, since she was a teenager and we wanted her to start assuming more responsibility for decisions. We did tell her that she could always change her mind and come back to homeschooling, and also that if we felt the experience was going bad for her that we would reserve the right to bring her back home. We've had our ups and downs with the experience, but it clearly was the right decision for our dd and I'm glad we agreed to it. There have been fights at the school, and dd has been offered cigarettes, alcohol and drugs on more than one occasion. However, she has steered clear of all that. I'd say she has learned more academically than she would have staying home, even though the curriculum choices are not as good as ours would have been. She's also gained a lot in the area of social skills. I think a lot depends on the individual child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LG Gone Wild Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 The only thing with those is I think you are entered into a lottery and not to mention, they're unfortunately, most or all in the city of St. Louis. If that doesn't work, perhaps there is a local private school that might work out something with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cricket1178 Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 I do think that by the time kids are in high school they deserve some input decisions that affect their education. This doesn't mean that you do whatever they want, nor does it mean that you allow whining. But I think it is appropriate for your daughter to have a time to present her opinion to you and your husband and for the two of you to take time to consider what she is saying. Then, if you decide that public school is not an option, you need to tell her that you listened, you made your decision, and the time for discussion about ps is over. (I would then enlist her help in finding ways to improve the homeschooling situation to address any issues she has with it.) Disclaimer: Currently afterschooling, and generally in the "which option provides the best education" camp. I also agree with the poster who suggested looking into other school options. But, ultimately, in the end, you and your dh must make the decision that YOU believe to be the best for your dd. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 I'm the mother of two teens. Honestly, I can't imagine either asking to go to school, but.... Here are my thoughts: 1) children are individuals. How much say is based on the kid. One of my kids had almost full control of her own life well before 14. The other still needs a good bit of guidance. Only the parents of a child are in the position to know how much to weigh the wishes of their children. 2) children are given to parents for a reason. it is of utmost importance that we use our wisdom, experience, etc in order to guide our children. 3) children should be heard as long as they are expressing themselves appropriately. 4) We mesh the above 3 things as appropriate in order to make decisions in regards to our children. From there, we work together in order to make decisions work the best they can for everyone involved. IOW, there are too many factors to say, "just do this." JMO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storm Bay Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 Depends on the child. Most likely, I'd meet her in the middle at 14. Either put her in for 1 or 2 classes (if the school district allows it) or let her take courses in an accredited correspondence school to keep the doors open for when she's older as some ps don't make it easy to start in the middle of hs. I wouldn't let her (him) make the decision until she was older and had proven capable of making good choices. That said, I have one I MIGHT let go at 14, but not likely full time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claire Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 I wanted to add that you might want to ask about this on the High School Board. Alternatively, search through the high school posts on the old forum (Google advanced search works well for this) about high school. There were a couple of threads where a number of parents posted their experiences with sending teens to public high school at their request. Almost all of those posts were positive, as I recall, but there were a few negative experiences too. It's always nice to get comments from parents who have BTDT. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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