At wits end with a pee problem....

[samba2nite]

Okay I need some wisdom here.... My soon to be six year old daughter has started having daily peeing in her pants or whatever she is wearing. this is a new thing. She has never had a probelm in the past.... there have been no changes in diet, stress or health. I suspect she is just too busy playing to take the time to pee. She comes home changes clothes and hides the pee stuff---YUCK!

 

I have not done much about it except tell her it is not appropriate and to use the toilet. Obviously this passive approach on my behalf is not working. I am ready for consequences.

 

I have taken away her favorite pair of shoes and jeans until she can go one week with out pee mishaps. That and I need to sterilize the shoes they are vile from all of the urine....

 

Any thoughts? Wisdom? Proactive encouragement to stop the insanity?

[Joker]

I, personally, would not make consequences for this behavior. I would first take her to the dr. to rule out any infections. My older dd had a UTI when she was 7 and she was unable to hold it for very long.

[Chris in VA]

:iagree:

I, personally, would not make consequences for this behavior. I would first take her to the dr. to rule out any infections. My older dd had a UTI when she was 7 and she was unable to hold it for very long.

She may not have the usual symptoms. Try it, first, then go from there.

[rafiki]

.

[samba2nite]

Nope clear in that area....I had her checked after three episodes last month with our peds... That was my first thought... Next?

[Mergath]

I used to wet my pants during school around the same age, and it was because I was embarrassed to ask for permission to use the bathroom. I'd just hold it, hoping to wait until I got home or whatever, but sometimes ended up not being able to wait that long. I'm not sure why I was embarrassed about it, but for some reason at that age, I suddenly started feeling awkward about the whole thing. Is she over at a friend's house when this happens? Or is she at home, just playing outside?

[SonshineLearner]

Both my son (6) and the little boy we keep once a week (5) have this problem. I would rule out a UTI, but after that.. (and until the appt) I'd remind once an hour . I do... and he stopped. My son was trained for 3 years or so... and then the WII and whatever else he was playing... just put him in a zone that he couldn't get out of....

 

:)

[hornblower]

If you've ruled out uti, vaginits, constipation - I'd move on to teaching her about the laundry.

 

Do not make this a huge battle. Do not act like it's gross. Be matter of fact. "Pee goes in the toilet once we are not babies anymore". But the fact is that people do have accidents, for all sorts of reasons. Odds are one day you will too & hopefully your by then adult dd will help you cope with it graciously.

 

I'd say to your dd:

 

"If you have an accident, you need to right away take your clothes into the washer. I'll show you how to do the laundry."

 

Also - "comes home" from where? Where is she away from you? I'd be keeping that child close. If it's an issue of being too busy playing to stop, I'd tell her that 'It's hard to stop playing sometimes. I'm going to remind you every 2 hours and I want you to stop what you're doing and go pee, whether you feel like you need to or not. Put on the cold water tap - sometimes the sound of running water reminds your body to let go.' Then you take a timer, keep your child near you and send her to the bathroom q2h.

 

 

Oh & know that this is not that unusual.

 

But if it persists, I'd keep considering physical causes.

[IsabelC]

Firstly, as suggested above, I'd definitely get her to be responsible for her own wet clothing. It doesn't have to be a punishment or shaming, just a neutral "Oh, you peed in your pants. Lets go wash them." Supervize her and get her to either handwash her things, or handrinse and put into the washing machine. Then go to the toilet to finish up. If she's done the whole lot in her underwear, she can still have a very quick sit on the toilet "to remind your bladder where the pee is meant to go". Then wash herself. No need to lecture: she will notice that this whole procedure takes up even more valuable playing time than just going to the bathroom in the first place.

 

Secondly, try as hard as you can not to show any emotional engagement, especially not disgust. I'm sure you don't say anything hurtful to your child, but the fact that she's been trying to hide wet underwear indicates that she is afraid of a negative reaction from you, so it is likely that she is picking up how you feel about it. When we, as parents, turn toileting (or lack of) into a huge issue that's bound up with feelings of shame, disgust, pressure and so on, it doesn't help. Some children feel powerful and use the issue to manipulate their parents. Some children feel ashamed of themselves. Some become frightened of the toilet and/or physically uncomfortable with eliminating. Even positive overinvolvement (eg promising a child a huge reward for successful toileting) tends to be counterproductive. So although it's obviously really hard not to get annoyed when she was doing fine and has now developed a problem, the best thing you can do is try to convey the message that using the toilet is expected, it's no big deal, you're confident she can do it, but in the meantime she will be responsible for any accidents (which are no big deal either).

[OrganicAnn]

Is she dry at night? Does she get up and go to the potty at night?

 

Have you been able to figure out what she is doing when she wets? You said she comes home and has wet her pants. Where was she? At school? At a friends? Is she shy? Too embarrassed to ask? Easily distracted? Gets too involved in play, tv etc.

 

Have you asked her why? What does she say?

[TeenagerMom]

Have her tested for Kidney reflux. DS7 has had problems with day and night incontinence for years. DH thought he was too busy to stop. He developed a VERY bad UTI in January (was the 1st ever), was tested for kidney reflux since UTIs are rare in boys his age, and sure enough, he has reflux.

 

We start seeing a Urologist in June.