cougarmom4 Posted March 9, 2010 Share Posted March 9, 2010 is pushing me over the edge! I'm just wondering if any of you have had a kid who will hold it *forever* and willingly sit on the potty and stay dry...but not be able/willing/??? to pee into the potty. What happens is she holds it and does the potty dance, I tell her to take off her panties & sit on the potty, she does, sits for a few minutes but doesn't pee and then puts them back on & runs off to play. Then she continues to dance & grab herself...so we go through it all again. She obviously has to pee. We've had a few times where she just simply loses it (after trying for two hours in the manner above) all over the floor; twice now she almost made it back to the potty; once she actually did it all in the potty. Dd is 31 months. I wouldn't be pushing this at all, but the fact that she is dry quite frequently during the day, is dry when she wakes from naps, is obviously holding it for long periods of time--makes me concerned that she's going to get an infection if we don't help her figure out how to release. The other day we were out & she had on a diaper and was holding herself & dancing the pee dance...several moms around me asked if I needed to run her to the potty and looked at me like I was crazy because I wasn't doing so. I've tried sitting the potty in front of the TV, reading stories to her, giving a treat when she sits & also when she is successful, blowing on one of those pinwheels (I read somewhere that the blowing action helps you to forget about holding it in), and we just tried playing with a sponge in water. Anyways...I just feel like I'm going a little nuts. I know it's a whole process, but I just don't know what else I can try. Maybe I just need to put diapers back on her and let it go for awhile (but as she's holding it in even in the diapers, I'm not sure if that's really the problem). I just need a magic wand! Okay...so has anybody dealt with this issue? Any ideas? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milovany Posted March 9, 2010 Share Posted March 9, 2010 Just thoughts -- she obviously knows the feeling of holding it in (can do that) so it sounds like what she needs to learn is how to do that relax thing to release the pee, right? Hmm, how could one learn that? What do you think about the age-old "trick" of putting a hand in warm water to trigger that release? Or just trying to teach her how to relax (take a deep breath and let your body go all loosey goosey), etc. You'd think I'd have more abundant advice after having six kids get trained! :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
usetoschool Posted March 9, 2010 Share Posted March 9, 2010 Much more liquid during the day so she really HAS to pee much more often and gets used to letting it go and has a bladder that is so full that she really can't hold it? But don't tell her that is what you are doing - just give her more water or watered down juice or whatever. Might also help with urine being less concentrated and avoiding infection possibilities? Don't know - seemed to help when we were potty training. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shawna in Texas Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 My dd is also 31 months. And we just passed that point. She absolutely refuses to poop unless you are down there with her hugging her and watching. It's like child birth. With the peeing she would sit down and trickle. As soon as she did just a little bit she jumps up and grins and waits for all the clapping and praise. She refused to poop. This would happen from as soon as we were up in the morning until the "night night" diaper before bed. As soon as that diaper would go on, she would fill that thing up so fast. Sometimes I would have to change her diaper twice. So, then we all got sick. So I gave her lots of warm watered down green tea and that solved the peeing thing. It took a few days, but she goes unprompted now. It's the other thing we need to work on now. We'll just keep at it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FloridaLisa Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 :grouphug: Potty training can be the single most difficult part of training children! I'm going through a *regression* right now with my 3-yo and it's awful! Patience, patience. I would push liquids and be fairly structured about taking her to the potty. Set the timer and go once every hour and have her sit and sit and sit until she pees. Take her after she wakes up in the morning and from nap, especially if she's waking up dry. Run the water to encourage. You know, in my experience, you just have to get over that initial first time and then it takes. Usually. As I said, I'm dealing with regression. :tongue_smilie: Best wishes. Hopefully, just venting your frustration will equip you with a new dose of patience for the task! Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginevra Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 If there is a potty-training issue, I've had it. I consider myself a stellar failure at potty-training. Mostly what seemed to work best was giving up. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rwjx2khsmj Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Have you asked your dd why she waits? I'd ask her about it at a time that is not an "emergency" situation and see what she says. My one dd hated the feeling of sitting on the potty, we got her a squish seat just her size. Another was afraid of the flush. She may have a very good reason for holding and then again she may just be trying to drive you out of your mind. You won't know unless you ask. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfatherslily Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 My experience is limited to almost-3 children (youngest DS is potty learning right now). But my approach has changed a lot between #1 and #2:) I really think the single biggest thing is to do whatever it takes to not stress. If that means putting your DD into diapers for another 6 months or following her around with some towels to mop up her messes, then so be it. I started my DD really young, toying with infant potty training. Which worked... kinda. For a little while. Then it didn't. Then she did good. Then she didn't. Then she did good, then she didn't. I tried very hard to not get stressed by it, but there were definitely times that I felt she should be able to do this, if she just cared to. But she didn't. Cause she was a normal little kid! I would say she wasn't officially pottying full time until well into her third year. So with my DS I decided to just do whatever. It just wasn't going to matter to me. He would learn eventually. He learned to pee on the potty long before he poo'd, but when he was ready, it clicked in a matter of days. And that was it. There was no going back. He was at least 3 1/2 then. So do what you need to. Put the diapers back on if you want to. Try what you can think of. But don't let it worry you:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mollies73 Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 My almost 3 year old (the end of March) just started going to the potty about 1 month ago. She would hold it forever. I tried to put her on the potty when I saw her doing the "potty dance." She sat on the potty chanting, "I'm not going to go, I'm not going to go." I let her down and she wet her pants. I just put the diapers back on and didn't even try. One morning she woke up, "okay mommy, I'll use the potty now." Since then, she's only had two accidents. This was so different from my first child. I was so preoccupied with getting him trained. I tried every trick in the book. He wasn't totally trained until he was almost 3 1/2. It really comes down to them being ready and willing. I think if they are introduced to the toilet and see how it's used, they get to the point that the diaper becomes uncomfortable and they just make up their minds to go. Even if we never try to train them it's a little like what they say about breastfeeding and bedsharing. They're not going to go to college... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sonshine Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Some children aren't ready even at that age, But if you think she is ready, you can try what worked with one of mine. If she has a sibling, that child gets a treat - ice cream, whatever makes non potty trained child happy. Non-potty trained child sees that treat and wants one bad enough so she goes to. When she sees big sibling eating the treat, and asks for one you say "treat's name" is for big girls - we know someone is a big girl when they go potty. This worked for my child who wouldn't go just at the promise of a treat. But when he saw his 3 big brothers eating ice cream all day he suddenly got motivated to figure it out. He wqas almost 4 at the time. Another of my children wasn't trained until age 5. Looking back, I realize he had sensory issues and probably didn't feel the sensations telling him when it was time to go. He didn't have any intelligence issues - once he put chocolate syrup in the toilet to fool my husband that he had gone and should get some ice cream. My dh was worried that the boy had really bad constipation or some other issue, until he saw the bottle of syrup on the floor. Dh quit trying to show me how to potty train him the right way after that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaMa2005 Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Have you tried turning on the tap so that she hears water running? Has the same effect as the hand in warm water trick. Maybe it would 'let her go'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joni470 Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 It sounds to me like she is very close to getting it. I would just be patient. Have you considered letting her go without panties? Just a thought. Every parent I know has thought they were going to lose their mind during potty training for one reason or another. You will get through it. Savannah www.hammocktracks.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Oh, I feel your pain. I did not have an easy time of potty training, either. In fact, I just looked at my 5 year old this morning, and thought what a miracle it was that he was going to the bathroom all by himself! It was definitely one of the worst things to go through as far as parenting skills go. My oldest son was not truly potty trained until about 4 and half years old. He just refused to do it until he was ready. I finally gave in at 3 and a half and let him wear pull-ups all day. I'd keep trying off and on, but decided not to stress, and then he finally made up his mind, and we were off the pull-ups for good. I thought it would never happen, but it did. Just keep trying, but don't make yourself crazy over it. It will eventually happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cougarmom4 Posted March 10, 2010 Author Share Posted March 10, 2010 Thanks for the ideas, ladies. It helps to know I'm not alone in this! Even though I don't know any of you...sometimes it just helps having someone else to think things through with you! I'm going to give up for a little while. I still don't get it, but it is just frustrating me too much to deal with it! She WANTS to wear panties, and WANTS to sit on the potty, and stays dry...but will go for hours doing the dance & not peeing on the potty. Then she'll just completely lose it when she least expects it (usually right after I've had her sitting on the potty...ugh!). She was dry this morning...she happily sat on the potty, then wanted off, put on her cute little panties, played til she started dancing, we went through the process several more times...then when she was trying to reach something up high, she just lost control & peed all over. I'm a little worried that going back to diapers is going to mess up the process for her & cause it to drag out for years & years, but it would probably be better than having a psycho mommy, right? Now I have to decide if I should just put potty/panties completely away for a few weeks and try again...or if I should have her wear diapers but keep putting her on the potty when she's been dry for awhile & hope that some day it will click. I wish there was some potty camp I could send her to! I'd pay good money for that one! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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