grandparent vent

[LibrarianMom]

My children are the only grandchildren on one side of our family and the only young ones on the other side of the family. This translates into way too many toys at Christmas and birthdays.

 

One problem is that the grandparents tend to complain that the kids have too many toys and hence our home can be messy. I'd love to get rid of more toys but then the grandparents ask "where is such and such?" The second problem is that one of the grandpa's has no clue about kids and always buys things that are "too old' or inappropriate for the kids. For example, he just purchased my ds 5 and my dh a motor-works kit clearly marked ages 8+. When the kids open toys, he yells at them not to play with it because it will break.

 

Thanks for the vent!

[jujsky]

Would they be open to gentle suggestions or something bolder like an Amazon wish list? I know some people find them rude, but my mom & ILs LOVE the wishlist I set up. I put a lot of books and educational toys on it too, and they are more apt to buy those (especially the ILs who constantly complain that my kids have too many toys).

[Starr]

My mom complains about too much stuff in our house but loves to send us boxes of stuff. :D Makes me crazy. It doesn't seem to matter what I say so now I just say, "thank you." I would put toys for older kids up in the closet and wait till they are old enough to play with them. Good luck.

[freetobeme]

but then the grandparents ask "where is such and such?"

 

mine are older now. . .but i finally told my mom that once it is given to us, it is ours. we keep it as long as we see fit and pass it on when we are finished with it.

[Aunty Social]

Well, I'm not very nice, so take this with a grain of salt....

 

My kids will play with and wear what dh and I deem appropriate. They will have the quantity of "stuff" that we deem appropriate. They are our children, not our parents children. If something comes in that is too much/too old or young/otherwise not up to our standards, we say thank you and get rid of it. If we are asked about an item (which I don't ever recall, but then I made it pretty clear that we would raise our children as WE wished right from the get-go), then we simply say that we had too much stuff and had to get rid of some. Or we ignore the question.:D

 

We had some problems earlier with them being too generous, but now they ask what the kids could use/would like, and it's a little more in control.

 

We appreciate every gift for what it is, an expression of thought, care, and love of the grandparents for the grandchildren. We've taught our kids to appreciate that aspect, too....even if it's something that makes them go :001_huh:, and we get rid of later. And we make sure we express our gratitude as well as our parameters.

[Harriet Vane]

You have my full sympathy.

 

In our case, dh's parents are generous to a fault. I do have to give credit to mil--she tries very, very hard to get what the kids will like, so it's usually not inappropriate. I have had to exercise some restraint over her book choices though, as she simply doesn't realize how truly awful some popular fiction is.

 

Even though they are so loving and generous because of their love and delight in their grandchildren, it does get overwhelming. It's just too much stuff. I have had to learn the art of making sure certain things are displayed and openly played with for a few months, and then getting rid of that which is superfluous later.

 

My other issue is with how truly wasteful it is. I am so very, very conscious of how horrifically expensive college is. I wish the people who love my children would restrain their gift giving to smaller/fewer, and put $$ into their college savings instead.

 

I don't ever say so--it would be rude for me to say anything other than "thank you" for their gifts. But I do wish it were otherwise.

[kewb]

These vents always get to me. I used to have this type of conversation with my dad all the time. I would give anything to be able to have it again. Accept the gifts. Do with them what you want after they come into your home.

[rose_king]

I feel your pain. I am interested in what everyone has to say. I just try to keep the peace. :lurk5:

[MariannNOVA]

particularly in light of my on-going de-cluttering (to put it mildly) effort.

 

Also interesting b/c dh and I have three of our own (10 yr old DD and 9 y/o b/g twins) and we have two beautiful grand-daughters - ages 6.5 and 4.

 

Having a foot in each 'world' so to speak, I am incredibly sensitive and responsive to whatever my dd tells me regarding what to get or not get for her children. I have absolutely no difficulty respecting her wishes b/c I see with my MIL how annoying it is when she goes overboard every year with tons of toys - despite our asking that they not do it. We have the benefit of living in a different state so if they send something that dh and I do not care for, it goes to goodwill. If they send stuff that we do like but just too much of it, we put some away and pull it out a few months later. BUT, it does annoy me that she disregards our wishes -- I find it inconsiderate.

 

I love the Amazon wish lists, I love barnes and noble gift cards, I love that my sister sends the kids their Christmas gifts at Thanksgiving every year (Christmas pajamas) and I do the same for her dd.

 

As a grandmother, I ask my daughter and her husband very specifically what they want us to get their daughters and I do just that. It doesn't make any sense to me to do otherwise.

 

I hear you, though, b/c my MIL seems not to hear -- even when she asks very specifically what to get the kids.....and we are quite specific.....she still shows up with some nonsense or another that I know is going out the door as soon as they leave.

Edited February 22, 2010 by MariannNOVA

[Blue Lilac Studio]

I have been trying for the past 12 years to encourage my ILs to give my kids "experiences" with them, instead of buying them more stuff. My kids would LOVE to go to the zoo with them, or out to lunch, or to the movies. I've had limited success with that. However, I've had more success steering my ILs toward consumable art, craft and science supplies for some of the gifts.

 

Good luck. No one wins when the kids have too much stuff. My twin boys have a birthday soon, and I had to remind the grandparents, "no one needs or expects more than 1 gift!"

[Halcyon]

I would ask for contributions to your child's 529. That's what we did, and it's been fantastic.

[tex-mex]

I would ask for contributions to your child's 529. That's what we did, and it's been fantastic.

:iagree: My ILs have done this and have set up a generous account for the first few years of college. Also they gave our ds savings bonds too that would end up being a nice down payment on a used car or towards college expenses. After 23 years, I have finally gotten MIL used to a simple list she will buy -- she used to go OVERBOARD and get so much stuff. It is much easier now that ds is a teen. Video games and gift cards from Grandma! ;) LOL