Shelly in IL Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 my husband has newly gotten a friend on facebook (a woman) who is from college days (not a girlfriend) making me mad/annoyed? I trust him completely. We have been married 20 years. They haven't even "talked" yet. Still - it bugs me. Tell me to grow up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelly in IL Posted February 16, 2010 Author Share Posted February 16, 2010 Sorry! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margo out of lurking Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 I friended a once-close old male-friend from high school. Shortly after, his wife friended me. I've never met her, they give every appearance of being very happily married for the past 20 years. I thought it was interesting, in a good way, that she friended me, sent me a private note just to say hi and introduce herself. I appreciated that, it gave me the chance to say, hey, how did you meet your husband (because it's more of a girl thing, and I looked forward to a longer, friendly answer from her, which she gave), and I was also able to share my fun memories of him with her. It also struck me as a very good way to keep track of a husband's female friends--not because I have any reason to believe she doesn't trust her husband but because she does not know me. I won't tell you to "grow up"! If it bothers you for any reason, I'd encourage you to consider friending her yourself. If you continue to be uncomfortable, ask your dh to unfriend her. FB is weird in so many different ways. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 I have no idea why it upsets you. I have several old male friends on my FB, and my dh (not on FB) has had lots of contact with women to whom he was once attracted. So what? I can't even tell you how NOT concerned either one of us is. I am not the least bit attracted to any of these people, and by the looks of some of these gals, he's not attracted to them. Some people just don't age well. Plus-- really really, not evertyhting is about getting naked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 I can't even tell you how NOT concerned either one of us is. :iagree: My dh & I are both on FB. We each have opposite-sex friends that the other does not know. A few of mine are old boyfriends, and I assume a few of his are old girlfriends. But like LibraryLover, neither of us is concerned at all. We've been happily married for nearly 30 years, and are very much in love with each other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 (edited) :iagree: My dh & I are both on FB. We each have opposite-sex friends that the other does not know. A few of mine are old boyfriends, and I assume a few of his are old girlfriends. But like LibraryLover, neither of us is concerned at all. We've been happily married for nearly 30 years, and are very much in love with each other. You can't be together 30 years without trust. We have not been married that long, but we have been together nearly that long. :D Edited February 16, 2010 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest addison Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 In such cases it is better to befriend the woman and find out the truth at-lest you will be relieved off the stress and the be clear with what you have to do. :glare: So not loode hope and keep the good spirit going. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeatherM2 Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 I won't tell you to "grow up"! If it bothers you for any reason, I'd encourage you to consider friending her yourself. If you continue to be uncomfortable, ask your dh to unfriend her. FB is weird in so many different ways. I completely :iagree:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5forMe Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 I don't know.....it bugs me too. I trust my DH completely and often feel quite silly for being bugged by it. I think part of my problem is that I don't have a facebook page despite several friends and family trying to encourage me to get one. I just don't have the time for it, nor the interest. I think it's normal to feel a bit of "hightened alert". As long as it isn't causing "issues" in your marriage, then I think it is innocent and okay to be a little bugged by it. Just my 2 cents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 (edited) FB doesn't take any time. Set up an account, set all your controls, don't friend anyone, don't post any photos etc, and then Friend him. You can be invisible on FB to everyone but your one friend. :) My dh doesn't want a FB acc't either. He thinks it's this big deal thing when it's not. I tell him he could read my brilliant witticisms, plus I heart couples talking on FB. 'Honey, don't forget to bring home bread'. lol Edited February 16, 2010 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in WI Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 my husband has newly gotten a friend on facebook (a woman) who is from college days (not a girlfriend) making me mad/annoyed? I trust him completely. We have been married 20 years. They haven't even "talked" yet. Still - it bugs me. Tell me to grow up. I think it's because stories like this Facebook fuelling divorce, research claims hide out in the back of our brain. I routinely ignore friend requests from men from my past, because ... I just don't care to encourage friendships with the opposite sex. I'm glad my husband isn't on Facebook. {grin} When we first met & for the first few years of our marriage he was in a moderately successful rock band. I've had women tell me to my face that they had the hots for him. Yikes! I trust him ... it's those shameless hussies from his past I don't trust! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 If all it takes is a FB acc't to lead to divorce, the marraige wasn't a strong one in the first place. Better to know that sooner rather than later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paula in PA Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 If all it takes is a FB acc't to lead to divorce, the marraige wasn't a strong one in the first place. Better to know that sooner rather than later. It's not the account that causes the problem, it's what they choose to do with it. BTDT with MySpace. We survived it, barely, and are actually stronger now than before. But it does affect your perspective. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 my husband has newly gotten a friend on facebook (a woman) who is from college days (not a girlfriend) making me mad/annoyed? I trust him completely. We have been married 20 years. They haven't even "talked" yet. Still - it bugs me. Tell me to grow up. Men can be dense, tell him it bothers you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 Jealousy is not always rational and can't always be overrode with common sense. However, I do feel its worth allowing a partner freedom rather than over controlling them ....but at the same time, it's worth discussing it and expressing how you feel and keeping the issue somewhat in the open- even with a sense of humour at your own irrational feelings. DH has women friends and I have male friends- I still get jealous of his female friends at times, but I don't try and stop him having them because I don't want to give up my male friends! I dont think there are any rules about these things and we all have to find our own way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 Hm. I have a number of friends from high school and college on FB, some of them male, and many of them not also friends with dh. My contact with most of them has been extremely limited -- it's just nice to see what has become of people. :) Okay, lol, I just checked. Dh shares 1% of his total friends with me, roflol, but they're 10% of my friends. My brother shares over 4% of his friends with me, and I share nearly 21% of my friends with him. I actually have a couple more friends in common with some women that I met on WTM years and years ago. :) For dh, it's really an issue of networking. FB is a business tool. For me, it's a way to keep up with current friends, and check in (occasionally) on people I once knew. I'm sure someone *could* use it to rekindle an old flame, but I'm confident that's not what either of us are doing, so I'm okay with it. I guess if I were worried, I would ask myself, "Is there a *reason* for me to be concerned, or is this irrational?" If I determined it were rational *or* that it was irrational but I simply couldn't overlook it, I'd talk to dh, "This is making me anxious." And either let him know *why* it was making me anxious, or that I knew it was irrational and still needed a reassurance. You can always "friend" her yourself, of course. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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