Julie in CA Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 For the past couple of years, my dh has gone to a business convention with a friend who lives in our area. The arrangements are usually pretty informal--They call a day or two ahead, plan to go together, then travel about 5 hrs. each way, and my dh's brother meets them there to go to the convention. They stay with dh's cousin, who lives in the area of the convention. This year, my dh would like me to go with him, and would like sil to go with his brother, so that we can go out to dinner and have some visiting time. Brother and sil are planning on it, and me...well, I'm ok with going. It'd probably be fun in the way that spending time with my dh (no matter what we're doing) is fun. The problem is that my dh spoke to the friend yesterday and today, and can't get the point across that the trip is different this year, and he doesn't want friend to go. No matter what my dh says, the friend counters with a "fix" for the problem. Wife's going, so there's no room in the car--no problem, we'll take a bigger car. Cousin doesn't have room for all of us--that's ok, he's good on the couch, or even on the floor. Is there any way to phrase this that won't make the friend feel unwanted? BTW, this is one of those long time acquaintance-friends, a rough type, nice enough guy, but not necessarily an "I care about you so much, so I have to be honest with you" kind of friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Governess Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 When is the trip? Can he spin it so that it seems like you are trying to plan a romantic couples weekend, maybe a belated valentine's get-away, and "the wife" wouldn't think it was so romantic if a friend came along? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in CA Posted February 9, 2010 Author Share Posted February 9, 2010 (edited) When is the trip? Can he spin it so that it seems like you are trying to plan a romantic couples weekend, maybe a belated valentine's get-away, and "the wife" wouldn't think it was so romantic if a friend came along? That might work. I'll run it by dh. Thanks for the idea. :001_smile: ETA: I didn't mention what type of convention this was, huh....it's a farm show. Yep. A huge one. The *Superbowl* of farm shows. Twould be hard to spin as a romantic getaway, but than again, the friend is a little rough around the edges, and might believe it! (In other words, it still might work!) Edited February 9, 2010 by Julie in CA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoyfulMama Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 ...The problem is that my dh spoke to the friend yesterday and today, and can't get the point across that the trip is different this year, and he doesn't want friend to go. No matter what my dh says, the friend counters with a "fix" for the problem. Wife's going, so there's no room in the car--no problem, we'll take a bigger car. Cousin doesn't have room for all of us--that's ok, he's good on the couch, or even on the floor. Is there any way to phrase this that won't make the friend feel unwanted? BTW, this is one of those long time acquaintance-friends, a rough type, nice enough guy, but not necessarily an "I care about you so much, so I have to be honest with you" kind of friends. Well... but the friend is unwanted in this situation. And it might be possible the two guys have differing views of level of friendship vs acquaintence. Or it might be possible that friend really looks forward to this annual trip - away from home, or professionally. So, your dh may have to be a bit direct on this one. Is there anyone else in the area who goes? A new friend to introduce to the old friend? Maybe your dh can blame you for it (I let my dh blame me for lots of things), and say you are needing a break, and some adult couple time, some alone time to talk some things over that a nice long car ride will be nice for... GL! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 I just want to say that going to a farm show would be my DREAM of a romantic time with dh. I'm so jealous! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConnieB Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 There are some people that you simply have to come right out and say it.....subtle hints don't work. Sounds like Friend is one of them. So.... DH: Friend, I'm afraid you're going to have to find your own ride and lodging for the SuperFarm convention. I hear the TravelLodge might have some vacancies. I'm taking the little woman and we're riding alone. I'm sure we'll run into you at the haybaling booth, though. It would be best that this happen ASAP so that friend has time to actually find his own transportation and lodging. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in CA Posted February 9, 2010 Author Share Posted February 9, 2010 DH: Friend, I'm afraid you're going to have to find your own ride and lodging for the SuperFarm convention. I hear the TravelLodge might have some vacancies. I'm taking the little woman and we're riding alone. I'm sure we'll run into you at the haybaling booth, though. :D :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sputterduck Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 Is there any way to phrase this that won't make the friend feel unwanted? Probably not because he is, indeed, not wanted for something that he is normally wanted for. That hurts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in CA Posted February 9, 2010 Author Share Posted February 9, 2010 Probably not because he is, indeed, not wanted for something that he is normally wanted for. That hurts. Not sure what to say to this. Perhaps the three of us should go together. It would make an interesting threesome. :001_huh: (Not sure how well that would go over when we meet up with the in-laws though...) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corraleno Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 Would you guys mind if he rode with you, as long as he didn't stay with your relatives? That might be a compromise, if he could arrange to stay in a local hotel/motel. If it's that big of a convention, there may be shuttles to the show from local hotels. Then you could tell him that, while you're willing to give him a ride, it's just not possible for him to stay with your relatives this year. If you don't even want him riding with you, your DH is just going to have to come out and say "I'm really sorry, but my wife and I are going together this year, and we won't be able to take you with us. Maybe next year." Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Governess Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 I just want to say that going to a farm show would be my DREAM of a romantic time with dh. I'm so jealous! It sounds fun to me too! In fact, just being in the car for 5 hours with dh without kids and being able to eat dinner without cutting someone's food sounds like heaven. I wouldn't really care *where* we went! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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