how to motivate a child who is not motivated???

[ProudGrandma]

most days my 8 year old son is simply NOT motivated to do anything school related...any suggestions for me????

[Ellie]

Well, yeah. What is it you think he should be "motivated" to do? Schoolwork? Why would you expect an 8yo child to be "motivated" to do *schoolwork*? How do you define "motivated"?

[Melanie]

My children's motivation to do schoolwork has never been a particular concern of mine, if you catch my meaning. ;)

[ProudGrandma]

It's not that I am going to give into his rebellion....I just wish there was a way to get the message across that THIS NEEDS to be done and the sooner you do it, the sooner you can play....but he just pouts, crabs, puts his head on the table, slides down in his chair etc...dragging the whole thing out SOOOO LOONNGG!!!!

[Pamela H in Texas]

I agree with Melanie in a way. Fact is, life is full of things I don't really want to do. We do things because we must. Our motivations vary; but for some things, it's simply in order to not have the hassle of not doing it, to avoid punishment, to get something we want, etc. And that is perfectly fine for some schoolwork also.

 

However, I think it is reasonable to hope they LIKE and are motivated by this, that, or the other thing to do some also. There is no reason schoolwork has to be drudgery all of the time either.

 

So I think it, like most things, requires balance. You learn some things hands on. You learn other things that are of interest. You take field trips. You build something or grow a garden. You hold a garage sale where he gives back change. You practice X skill in order to be able to do Y in the short term (though we all know Z, like the end-of-year test, is down the road also). But if he doesn't like the game you create for math facts, oh well. Math facts must be learned.

 

And Ellie had a good point in another thread. Sometimes we need to re-evaluate what we want kiddo to learn at a given time (or at all) as well as how they will learn it. Not all subjects, methods, or timing is appropriate for every student.

 

And sometimes we build in some consequences, positive or negative, to a mild degree (after you finish your math, you may have 15 minutes of computer time) or to a heavier degree (reward or punishment). I'd avoid the latter for the most part though (of course, I am not a rewards/punishment type person anyway).

 

Oh, but we don't want to OVER-evaluate ANY of the above which I think is a tendancy of homeschooling parents, especially those of young children. Sometimes, it just is what it is. I wish I had changed certain things (and I'd do them differently if I were starting over); but I also wish I hadn't second guessed myself nuts for most of my homeschooling years also.

 

HTHs a little,

[Pamela H in Texas]

Adding based on your other post....

 

Built in consequences usually help, at least a little.

Visual ways to see what they've accomplished also helps (putting a sticker on each assignment on the lesson plan as it's completed, for example).

He is NOT likely to get that he needs 3rd grade math now in order to do Algebra in 8th grade so he can go to his choice of University at 18. Don't even wish it. LOL

 

One thing you can do to make your life easier is to set up the day a little differently.

 

1) Teach him lesson of the subject

2) Give him time to practice topic/do school work making sure he "gets it."

3) Any schoolwork left at the end of a reasonable amount of time becomes homework.

4) Go on to teach him lesson of the next subject

Repeat.

 

Of course, have breaks as reasonable for him, but he doesn't get to waste YOUR time all day.

 

If you'd like, you can also build in a consequence, even a reward, for this. If he finishes before the reasonable time ends, he can have that much free time before the next subject (or bank it for after the next subject if he'd like). At the end of the day/week, if he's beat the timer X # of times, he can ___________ (whatever reward of choice that is worth it for him to work towards).

[myfunnybunch]

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming....

 

I get the pouts from my guys from time to time. Usually it's because they're tired, they're frustrated or bored, or we're out of routine. Some days I'm pretty sure it's just because they want to turn all of my hair gray in one day.

 

This morning I sent my 7 y.o. to sit on the steps until he was ready to do his schoolwork. I didn't much think about motivating him or punishing him; it was just that the rest of us were working away, and he was making us miserable. (Then I forgot about him. Oops. :leaving:) Eventually he asked, "Mom, can I come do my schoolwork?" He did it all quickly and cheerfully without complaint. After I picked myself up off the floor ;) I mentioned that we had time to make bread together. His older brother stopped dawdling and daydreaming so that he could help too. That was today....Who knows what will happen tomorrow?

 

If you've reviewed your expectations and you believe that they're reasonable, if his work is not too easy or too challenging, if you're providing enough support but not too much, and so on, then the next key is just consistency. State your expectations. Give minimal attention to the sulks, natural positive reinforcements for attention and effort. Make a schedule that accommodates his needs without allowing time for fussing. Follow through with consequences if you need them. Keep on swimming. :) Eventually he'll get through this.

 

Cat

[Tree House Academy]

We use a school store for motivation. Ours is more geared toward classroom behavior, but it could work as motivation too. Maybe pick a "prize" at the end of each day (small things), then move your way up to instead of picking a little prize everyday, pick a bigger prize at the end of the week for cooperation, not complaining, etc.

 

I would also try timing subjects and reward him based on how much he completes in the time limit. i.e. if he finished the whole worksheet in the allotted time, he gets to have a hershey kiss (or gummy bear, or apple slice, etc) but if he doesn't, then he has to finish the worksheet AFTER school is over and he gets NO reward.

[hsmamainva]

Manual labor is a great motivator in our house. :D

 

Without an education, there are several jobs that you can look forward to when you grow up. One is maid service. I've had my kids spend several days making beds, vacuum floors, cleaning windows, dusting, etc. It doesn't take long before they realize that doing this all day is much worse than doing school!

 

Waitressing is another. My oldest was our waitress for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for several days when she was around 12 before she realized that standing on her feet and topping off our water glasses and dishing up the food wasn't exactly her cup of tea.

[cdrumm4448]

I also have an 8-year-old boy and they can push it sometimes. I try to remain flexible and show the ability to compromise while still upholding our school standards.

 

I don't know where I read the following statement, but when ds gives me a hard time I don't waste time explaining in great detail why whatever it is needs to get done. I just tell him, "Bad attitude, dismal future." Works for us.

[ProudGrandma]

Manual labor is a great motivator in our house. :D

 

Without an education, there are several jobs that you can look forward to when you grow up. One is maid service. I've had my kids spend several days making beds, vacuum floors, cleaning windows, dusting, etc. It doesn't take long before they realize that doing this all day is much worse than doing school!

 

Waitressing is another. My oldest was our waitress for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for several days when she was around 12 before she realized that standing on her feet and topping off our water glasses and dishing up the food wasn't exactly her cup of tea.

 

I love this!!! Sometimes it takes something like that to make reality click. My kids do know that they don't want to go back to PS...they have been there, done that...so they know.