Tacky invitation...

[Ginevra]

I hope this doesn't offend anyone, but I really want to know, am I the only one who feels put out by being invited to multiple baby showers for the same baby??? Maybe this is just a local thing because I never experienced it any of the other places that I lived, but many of my friends here have invited me to, and actually expected me to attend, more than one shower for the same pregnancy!

 

Well, this happened when I had my first baby. My mother planned a shower and my SIL planned a shower, so naturally, there were overlapping invitations to all my SIL's. One SIL did throw this in my face when we had an argument about something else; "...and you go and invite me to two showers so that you can get more gifts!" I was completely dumbstruck! :blink: In the first place, I didn't set up either shower. They were both a complete surprise. In the second place, I could not care less about the gifts. I'm not really a "gift" person and don't think like that. If she resented it so much, she should have just said she was washing her hair that day and couldn't come. :glare:

[Carol in Cal.]

I know lots of people who host their own showers now. And actually, I appreciate registry information in the invite...I usually don't go to showers...but I do send gifts. And I like to get them from a registry because I want to get them something they'll like. There's absolutely no point in getting someone something they won't use.

 

However, invitations should not include solicitation or direction for presents for oneself. Even in an invitation in someone else's honor, the really proper way to work it is that the guest responds to the invitation and asks whether there is a registry. THEN the registry information is passed on. Also, there is an informal network of registry information that floats around among the friends, and you can always search for it online these days. The idea is that you don't solicit presents for yourself, and also you don't direct guests as to which presents to purchase unless they ask.

[Caribbean Queen]

When we used to own a printing business, we did a lot of wedding invitations, etc. One woman came in to order her wedding invitations and wanted to word it something like this:

 

Jane Doe

and

John Smith

request the honour of your presence

at their wedding

and at the baptism

of their son

Henry Doe Smith

Saturday, the third of December

(Etc.)

 

 

Lisa

 

I don't see anything wrong with that. :tongue_smilie:

[LauraGB]

This is fun!

 

Laura -

Who never even got the memo that sending email Thank-You notes were not only acceptable, but expected. :blink: (for real, I'm not even being a smarty-pants).

[tex-mex]

You know, I'm sitting here laughing, so I just have to share.

My mom's side of the family always has huge baby showers. But thier family is gigantic (13 brothers and sisters in just her immediate family, and then there are Grandma's and Grandpa's sisters, thier kids, neices, cousins, etc). The showers are always organized by the older ladies; moms, grandmothers, never by the new parents. In fact, the new parents have no say in it at all - its right up there with weddings and funerals. :lol:

 

Here's how it works:

1. 1st babies only - never for the second, third, etc.

2. They are always in the church basement.

3. They are always potluck.

4. There is always sheet cake.

5. Never include registration information in the invite. The honoree will be happy with what she gets.

6. Grandma gets the matriarchal say in EVERYTHING regarding the shower. This is not to be questioned.

7. Games WILL be played.

8. Women only - grandmothers, mothers, daughters, female cousins, etc.

9. The men can come afterward (with a truck, of course) to pick up the gifts.

10. If you don't go, it is absolutely scandalous and they WILL talk about you for years to come. Totally not worth it to miss.

 

And they are always great fun - its like an enormous knitting circle!

 

That type of shower would be fun to attend! :D

[Peek a Boo]

I know lots of people who host their own showers now. And actually, I appreciate registry information in the invite...I usually don't go to showers...but I do send gifts. And I like to get them from a registry because I want to get them something they'll like. There's absolutely no point in getting someone something they won't use.

 

:iagree:

 

can't say I have much appreciation for the extended communication scavenger hunt to find out a registry. Just let me know upfront "as an option."

 

I never heard about "rules" for who can throw a shower or which baby before listening to everyone lay down the Law here at WTM years ago [and today. ;) ]

 

I would be one that absolutely does not see anything wrong with celebrating EACH new life. and I don't give a flip who was on the ball enough to organize it. apparently i am one that hasn't learned to conform in the past year, lol!

 

Since we moved and/or acquired new friends thru my 5 pregnancies, there was always some new friend, church, or homeschool group that wanted the chance to celebrate a pregnancy -- it was new for them. My 4th was a huge diaper shower [and girly stuff since we had 3 boys].

 

and 75 families? I like big parties. Announce it at church or the homeschool group meeting. Invite the men: they are largely responsible! Include the siblings -- they will be an integral part of this child's life. and YES! play games darn it! something other than just opening gifts. or forget gifts altogether if the parents don't need anything.

[KidsHappen]

I had six kids, no baby showers and I had to buy new stuff for every single child but the third. The only reason I didn't have to buy new stuff for her is because she came so close on the heels of the third that the third was still using everything. All of the rest of the babies were surprises that came almost as soon as I got rid of the baby things. I have just now parted with the last of the baby items as I am pretty sure I am past the baby making stage.

[Greta]

Thanks to all for the replies and explanations. I can definitely see how two different friends or family members might wish to throw a shower, and some of the same guests would be invited to both. I do think it would be nice if someone involved made it clear to people that they were not expected to attend both, or at least not to provide gifts both times. By contrast, the very first time this happened to me, after I had attended the first shower, the pregnant friend, not the hostess, called me to ask if I'd be attending the second. :glare: I guess that left a bad taste in my mouth about the whole idea of multiple showers.

[Parrothead]

IMV, part of being polite is failing to call attention to others' impoliteness. (But that doesn't mean I can't swoon over it here at the Hive!)

But that is what a well-bred person does.:lol:

Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior came yesterday. I can quote from page 28:

When Miss Manners observes people behaving rudely, she behaves politely to them, and then goes home and snickers about them afterword.

[Perry]

I don't see anything wrong with that. :tongue_smilie:

I don't either. Seems sensible to me.

[elise1mds]

But that is what a well-bred person does.:lol:

Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior came yesterday. I can quote from page 28:

 

:lol:

 

When my niece turned 1, my BIL's wife (who has repeatedly irked the entire family in the past with her behavior) lined up the baby's birthday party only with HER family and sent the rest of us invitations just assuming we would attend - on Labor Day. We got the invitations about a week beforehand. Yes, we had already made plans elsewhere!

 

She also very nicely :p included a card with her daughter's clothing sizes. I about died. And promptly decided I wasn't buying clothes. But I'm a little contrary like that.

 

I couldn't imagine such a huge baby shower. In my happy little world, they're small affairs with only the closest friends attending and usually just women, not whole families. I'd be going with the person who said they won't miss you!

[Murphy101]

I don't see anything wrong with that. :tongue_smilie:

 

me either.

Seems her greatest error (aside from premarital sex ;) ) was not wanting to buy two of everything.

 

 

I'm with peek on this one.

I personally see no difference between putting the registry on a seperate paper or on the invite. We both know that a gift is expected. Not fooling anyone by putting it on a seperate card.

I am a bring the whole family and couldn't care less about getting a gift kind of gal.

 

:iagree:

 

can't say I have much appreciation for the extended communication scavenger hunt to find out a registry. Just let me know upfront "as an option."

 

I never heard about "rules" for who can throw a shower or which baby before listening to everyone lay down the Law here at WTM years ago [and today. ;) ]

 

I would be one that absolutely does not see anything wrong with celebrating EACH new life. and I don't give a flip who was on the ball enough to organize it. apparently i am one that hasn't learned to conform in the past year, lol!

 

Since we moved and/or acquired new friends thru my 5 pregnancies, there was always some new friend, church, or homeschool group that wanted the chance to celebrate a pregnancy -- it was new for them. My 4th was a huge diaper shower [and girly stuff since we had 3 boys].

 

and 75 families? I like big parties. Announce it at church or the homeschool group meeting. Invite the men: they are largely responsible! Include the siblings -- they will be an integral part of this child's life. and YES! play games darn it! something other than just opening gifts. or forget gifts altogether if the parents don't need anything.