I Need Advice!

[CathyinNC]

I am trying my hand at homeschooling this year. My oldest is in fifth grade and was in the public school until this year. Now that he's home, I've discovered so much more about him and what/how he's learned in school. I'm finding so much of how we learn/operate to be polar opposites that it is difficult for me to explain things to him. Some of it is attitude. For example, he hates it when I tell him something he has written is awkwardly phrased and shuts down with writing. Some of it is based on the methods taught to him at school. For example, they never required him to memorize his multiplication table. He thinks out loud so I know when he has to figure out 7x8, he does: 7x8 is the same as 14x4 is the same as 28x2 then 20+20 is 40 plus 8 is 48 plus 8 is 56. ARGH!! Yes he comes up with the right answer but WHY do all that!!!! We have spent the morning arguing about why he needs to work on multiplication facts since he can already get the answer. I compared math to a driving directions in that there are lots of ways to get to where you are going but usually the shortest way is the best way and his way is the long way. The disagreement ended with me saying "Too bad! You're just going to have to memorize them." and him descending into a moderate funk.

 

I am almost ready to send him back to the schools because we see things so oppositely. I just can't follow his line of thought and vice versa but I know school where he picked up so many of these weird habits. Any advice? Is there another option that I'm not seeing?

[mims]

I would first decide what is very important to you and you are willing to insist on. Using your examples, I would insist on multiplication facts learned. But try to make it positive. "This is so important in the long run that I want want you to learn . . . " Set a goal of how many a week - nothing overwhelming but still achieving your goal. Writing is alway a sensitive and personal issue. Try to always state something in the positive. "Pick three sentences that are passive and change them to active" or "Pick three verbs that you can make more descriptive." Encourage ways to change for the positive without spending the whole time listing the negative.

 

I think all kids coming out of the public school struggle with Mom as suddenly the authority in all areas. Think through how much is an authority issue and how much is learning style. Sometimes your curriculum can really help in this because it becomes the authority or at least backs your authority. For writing I have found IEW great for getting them practicing writing in a positive manner. You can pick a math or a supplement to math that insists on timed math facts so they have to memorize them.

 

I would encourage you to not step back so quickly but carefully ponder positive ways you can make this work.

[extendedforecast]

I don't have years of homeschooling experience, but I do have a 5th grader who is HSing for the 2nd time after being in PS. She went to PS for k-1, and 3-4; I homeschooled her for 2nd and now 5th.

 

At the beginning of the year when I was choosing curriculum, SHE came to me and let me know that it was hard to get used to doing things one way (the way they taught her in ps) and then re-learn how to do it another way (my way). This lead to a heart to heart about each of our expectations for how we wanted our homeschool to work. My DD was concerned about Math, and I let her know that she could work out her problems the way she was most comfortable as long as she was open to learning the different ways to solve problems, because there are several different ways to solve any one math problem.

 

I guess what I want to say is that maybe you need to talk to him, try to put yourself in your DS's shoes and listen to what he has to say. Maybe it is too much change all at once for him. You may have to back off for a bit, let him gain confidence, then gently try again.

 

Regarding your corrections to his writing, I would back off completely, make note of the issues, then teach them separately at another time. For example, if you notice he is using sentence fragments, or very short sentences, you could do a lesson on identifying fragments and combining sentences with conjunctions the next day. Some kids (including my DD) take criticism to their writing personally. I find it is easier to give my DD the tools to recognize her mistakes and areas of improvement so that she can correct herself. Then, if she still needs help, I'll point out the corrections I'd like her to make.

 

Cindy

[sheryl]

I am trying my hand at homeschooling this year. My oldest is in fifth grade and was in the public school until this year. Now that he's home, I've discovered so much more about him and what/how he's learned in school. I'm finding so much of how we learn/operate to be polar opposites that it is difficult for me to explain things to him. Some of it is attitude. For example, he hates it when I tell him something he has written is awkwardly phrased and shuts down with writing. Some of it is based on the methods taught to him at school. For example, they never required him to memorize his multiplication table. He thinks out loud so I know when he has to figure out 7x8, he does: 7x8 is the same as 14x4 is the same as 28x2 then 20+20 is 40 plus 8 is 48 plus 8 is 56. ARGH!! Yes he comes up with the right answer but WHY do all that!!!! We have spent the morning arguing about why he needs to work on multiplication facts since he can already get the answer. I compared math to a driving directions in that there are lots of ways to get to where you are going but usually the shortest way is the best way and his way is the long way. The disagreement ended with me saying "Too bad! You're just going to have to memorize them." and him descending into a moderate funk.

 

I am almost ready to send him back to the schools because we see things so oppositely. I just can't follow his line of thought and vice versa but I know school where he picked up so many of these weird habits. Any advice? Is there another option that I'm not seeing?

 

Cathy, Where do you live in NC? We also live in NC and there are other educational groups etc.

[lionfamily1999]

Any advice? Is there another option that I'm not seeing?

Let him continue to do it his way. I've taught ds a few different methods for multiplication and let him use what works for him.

 

I HAVE found that computer games with multiplication (number munchers for instance), make him multiply (mentally) faster and nearly always end up in some memorization, if only because of the repitition combined with the need for speed.

 

hth

[CathyinNC]

We are in the Wake county area. We've looked for co-ops but haven't been successful.

 

I should also mention that his teacher from last year has been most gracious and supportive of our endeavor and she works with us about once a month as a tutor/consultant. When I've talked to her about writing, she's nodded her head remembering ds's lack of recognition that his writing could be improved in any way. I am trying to implement the changes she suggested but improvement just isn't happening yet. It's frustrating that he's not putting in any effort because he really has a way with words and his humor comes out when he writes but all of that is lost in the lack of detail/development in certain parts of his writing.

[tex-mex]

Pick your battles... is this worth dying on a "hill" on? ;)

 

I was a former schoolteacher and my methodology of teaching was to accelerated gifted classically taught students. My son was in a coma due to a rare liver disease and has mild learning disabilities. He is very bright -- but beats to a different drummer with academics. I was in your same shoes when we pulled him out of 3rd grade and began to hs him. We were polar opposites.

 

The first year was a transistion year. He'd burst into tears over my techniques. I had to admit my pride as a teacher was blocking my understanding of how to meet his needs. (And at one time in my career, I taught special education... LOL) Finally, I threw in the towel over forcing him to comply. We made that year a FUN year. I did a unit with INTERACT on the Gold Rush. We did massive field trips, plays, park days, playdates, and just read a lot of books. I got to know him much better as a result. He loved it. The following year was much easier to homeschool using Saxon Math and other electic materials. With his expressive writing disorder and dysgraphia, I found I had to table writing skills (i.e. paragraphs & essays) 'til 7th grade as it was painful for him. He now loves to write and he can produce a well written essay. But I did have to tell myself those skills will eventually come -- no need to force it down his throat or compare his skills with other hser's skills. That part is hard with a special needs student.

 

I find that son still holds on to other teacher's mnemomic tricks or ideas. I'm not insulted. Whatever works for him, works. I had to eat humble pie on that one. (But it does sound like your son needs to be drilled for faster x's table memorization -- math will be harder in the upper grades. The iPhone has fun apps and there are a slew of computer games to get math facts done.) Now, 6 years later, when the subject of going back to public school comes around -- son demands to be homeschooled. He does great with standardized testing (88th percentile) despite his mild learning disabilities. He know realizes he has to work and it is just 4-5 hours a day in high school. He needs an education to succeed in life. Earlier, when he was in Elementary grades, this was a tough sell. It finally clicked when he was in 7th grade. HTH. Don't give up.

Edited December 3, 2009 by tex-mex

[Anne in CA]

I took my step dd out of school after 4th grade because she wasn't learning anything and I knew she was highly intelligent. The first year of home school we did a coop at church and she learned very nicely from the pastor's wife, but the next year at home with me was WWIII.

 

She also hadn't learned any math facts and had been taught that memorizing things was completely unnecessary. ARGGHH. We had a lot of fights, but I had the WTM and I knew that memorizing is important. She did spend a week doing nothing but math facts. She complained. She cried. She said mean things. She lived. She got great at math. When she went back to ps for high school she really excelled at math.

 

A lot of people said not to worry about it, and maybe I'm more comfortable with confrontation than a lot of people, but I myself have had good results with pushing through. Pushing through is uncomfortable, and you have some scary moments where you just want that cozy home school family that you saw advertised when you started this venture, but it can be done. I'm not saying that this is what you need to do, but I want you to know that it can work.

 

Good luck no matter what you decide!

[tricia]

Hi Cathy,

How do you feel about letting him be "free" for a time. Say, a couple weeks to a few months so he can get all the baggage off his shoulders that he picked up while in school. I have heard and seen many parents pull their children out and most often all they need is some time to de/school a bit. It is amazing how when they've had this time to pull themselves together and get to know what free time and free thinking are all about that they become easier students for you. He has been on a conveyor belt for so long and unable to jump off that it really is understandable that he will have some struggles. Usually some plain old time alone doing the things he longs to do is all it takes to get them back on track. Good luck:)

[CathyinNC]

Thank you all for the advice! I think I am seeing more clearly now that I am a little removed from the incident. Normally, I can redirect the energy when we hit a wall but I am a little stressed out about some scheduling issues, feeling overworked, and underappreciated and my poor ds bore the brunt of it. Not to say that I'm backing off of my stance that he needs to memorize the multipication facts but I could have handled the afternoon better.

 

I need to find some little chant I can say to myself so I can stick with it and not get frustrated when we start confusing each other.:)