Different perspectives wanted on social situation

[Laurie4b]

I initiated an idea to spend a weekend with another family for a short vacation because of the relationship between our dc's. I was thinking we would both rent properties next to each other or share the rent of one large house. As it turned out, an extended family member of the other family owns a vacation home and she offered for us all to use that, which is lovely. We are "warm acquaintances" of the parents. We like them a lot, but haven't done a lot with them, so I don't have the info to figure out their reaction to something, and would like to just get a general idea of the range of reactions from folks here.

 

I just found out that their family would like to do an activity while we are there that our family wouldn't be interested in, except one of my dc's. The activity would take up a significant amount of the time we'll be spending together.

 

If you were the other family, would it bother you if we said that we weren't interested but had no problem if their family did it without ours? If you were the other family and we expressed our true interest level, would you feel that you had to ditch the idea because the our family wasn't interested?

 

If you were me, would you just not say anything and do the activity since they want to do it? I don't know if this is a personality thing (as to what to do or the impact) or more of an etiquette thing.

[i.love.lucy]

Seems like it might depend on why you don't want to do the thing. Is it not safe? Is it too expensive? Is it against your moral code? Is it not appropriate for your children? Then you could have some very valid reasons.

 

If it's just a thing that your family isn't "in to", like mine is not "in to" sports, then I might just tell them that they should go on, that we just aren't in to it, and we will enjoy some quiet time together while they are gone.

 

No one says on a shared vacation like that that you have to spend every minute together. Often it's best not to!

[Anne in CA]

As long as the activity was safe I would probably do it. I have a small comfort zone in some areas and generally try to be a good sport when something comes up that will push me and my kids. I can't stand the thought that my kids won't try new things because I didn't. I generally would go for the experience.

[Ferdie]

As long as the activity was safe I would probably do it. I have a small comfort zone in some areas and generally try to be a good sport when something comes up that will push me and my kids. I can't stand the thought that my kids won't try new things because I didn't. I generally would go for the experience.

 

:iagree: Since it is a short vacation, and the purpose is to bond with their family, I would do it.

[Tiff in TX]

As others have said, it would depend on the reason.

 

Is it something that your family has tried before and didn't care for? If it is something you haven't tried before, then you might end up really enjoying it.

 

This would also be a good teaching lesson for your kids about how to make the most out of any situation and still have a good time.

 

As for how the other family might react if you politely decline... I would base that on how much my family and I really wanted to do the activity. In the end, it might not be a 'must do' for them and they chose to opt out and plan something that everyone has an interest in.

[LizzyBee]

When we went on vacation with another family, we deliberately planned NOT to spend all of our time together. We didn't want to get sick of each other and we wanted each family to be able to accomodate their own interests. So, personally, I wouldn't have a problem with you telling me that you want to plan a different activity for your family while my family does the activity that you're not interested in.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I would do something in between. If it is an activity that takes all day or most of the day, I would participate one day. That exposes your family to a new activity with the added benefits of having enthusiasts as your "guides". I would let them know that we would not be participating every day.

 

My reasoning behind this - part of getting to know the other family includes getting to know their passions. I would expect some give and take in a social situation like this. Conversely if your family has a passion (perhaps playing Charades in the evening?!) I would expect them to participate at least once. That's "expect" as in having a internal expectation and desire for them to participate - not as in forcibly requiring them to do so.

Edited October 29, 2009 by Jean in Newcastle

[Mommyof4ks]

It depends on the activity. If it is sitting around watching sports, then I would say something, but if it is something that would promote togetherness like rock climbing or something then go and try to enjoy it. The point of the vacation is to let the kids spend time together. Ideally it would be great if both families could come up with some things you both like, but often that is not possible. Could you offer up another suggestion to do when y'all are not doing the activity that the other family wants to do.

[Laurie4b]

Thanks, everyone! We did end up talking about it (she asked)and it's all worked out. (It was sports watching related.) I appreciate your perspectives.