How do you deal with excessive dramatics in your school?

[3lilreds in NC]

My sweet Emma is a perfectionist and it seems that everything brings on tears, unless she is reading about horses. :D

 

Today, for example, Isaac and Abbie are both sleeping because they've had the flu, so she and I had the opportunity to do her dictation uninterrupted. She was mad that I made her do it to start with, and then every. little. error. or word she couldn't remember how to spell brought more waterworks. It was ridiculous.

 

I am not the most patient person in the world, and have no idea why she has to cry rather that JUST DO IT AND GET IT DONE. It makes me want to yell. A lot.

 

Help. I need to know how to make school time into a drama-free zone.

[FourOaks]

When you learn the answer, would you please share it with me? Drama and waterworks are daily, hourly thing around here. So much of it today that I am ready to pull my hair out. And yes, I have yelled -- more than I'd like to admit.

[Impish]

Diva's a back talker, not a crier.

 

That being said, what if you simply didn't acknowledge the tears, in the same way you didn't notice a temper tantrum? Just keep moving on?

 

With the Littles, when they're crying, I tell them I can't understand them at all unless they use their big boy/girl voice, encourage them to take a deep breath, then tell me what the problem is.

 

Because I have the kids that I do, in my house crying like you describe would be an attempt at manipulation. Is she genuinely melting down, or is it a stalling/delaying tactic?

[Rebecca VA]

Could she be coming down with the flu?

[lionfamily1999]

If it is just an attempt to manipulate, then ignore it. If it get bads, then offer to extend the class. It's mean and cruel, but the last time ds tried it he ended up writing a paragraph and he got the picture.

[kamom]

No answer here, just to tell you I have a girl with the same problem. I guess they . are. girls. Mine tries using emotional manipulation a lot. I've been thinking of a plan in how to make it counterproductive for her to help her control her emotions.

Mine motto is make all negative behaviour counterproductive.

[abbeyej]

The best thing we've found is (nearly) instant banishment to another room until the student is ready to approach the work with a good attitude and effort. It does no one any good to sit at the table while there are tears, arguing, whining, eye-rolling, etc. The work still has to be done, but if the child can't approach the work with a reasonably good attitude (occasional frustration, etc, is certainly understandable, but excessive dramatics and rudeness are not), then they need to go to a Very Boring place to regroup. When I have dealt with the most severe bouts of this, I send the child to sit on the steps (all the while thinking, "I'm sending you to the Steppes" in my head) until they are ready to recommence. I point out that the work will still be there, regardless of how long they spend wasting time on dramatics. It can be done now with a good attitude, or later with a good attitude, but it will be done and before *any* other activities take place. If it's time for a regular paid class or team practice -- something that can't be skipped -- we'll go, then return immediately to finish the work, no running around with other kids before or after. If there's a park day or something where the *other* kids in the family should get to play, the work comes with us. The child can either do it, or sit quietly beside me throughout the event.

 

Yes, I take a pretty hard line. My kids don't know how much safer they are being sent to their room than weeping, wailing, and gnashing their teeth within my reach. ;)

 

But I've also found that it *works*. Now, most excessive drama can be quelled with a look from me. And if a child really *is* overwrought and overwhelmed, then some quiet time in their own space (now I generally send them to "sit on your bed" for a while) is actually helpful.

 

...

 

Oh, and one other tactic. At times, I've found that physical exertion is what's called for instead. I don't know how to describe knowing when this is necessary over the first response (which is what I have used more often), but sometimes... When physical exertion is necessary, I send a child to run laps around the outside of the house. Usually 10-20... Then a glass of water. It has, at times, caused a nearly miraculous transformation of attitude.

[Donna T.]

My oldest son has moments like that. He's a perfectionist to the extreme. With him, it has nothing to do with manipulation. He just gets overwhelmed when he doesn't do certain things just exactly right. It's worse if he didn't get enough sleep the night before, hasn't eaten protein that morning, or is beginning to get ill. When he has a meltdown, we stop that lesson and I resume it the next day. He almost always does very well with it the next day.

 

This is the right approach for him because I know it's absolutely not about being manipulative. Kids with a strong tendency towards perfectionism can truly torment themselves. I have found that he really needs to incubate on some assignments. Atleast, that's what I call it. If he struggles, we put it away and come back to it. As I said, this works for him and he usually does very well the second go round.

 

Sure, it slows us down but that's why I'm homeschooling.