feeling sad for my ds

[Donovans4]

My ds(11) spent two days with a friend of his who goes to a local elemetary school. The boys also spent a week together in June. My ds's friend talks constantly about how much he loves school, his friends, his teachers, etc. My ds told me yesterday after his friend went home that he feels as though he would be happier if he had gone to school, and if he could do it all over again, that is what he would have wanted to do. It just really broke my heart to see him so sad.....

 

Now, my ds's friend is a real extrovert, and he had a real rough year last year (his mom, one of my dear friends, battled cancer and died in May). He got a lot of extra attention at school from teachers, staff, parents, and other kids. School was his safe place, a place for him to get away from what was going on at home.

 

My ds is not at all an extrovert, but rather a quirky kid who seems to attract the bullies a little bit. I know his experience at school would be nothing like his friend's, but I still feel for him anyway. My ds has a few good friends, but none who live down the block. His friend knows everyone, and is constantly running into friends at the pool, at the ice cream shop, etc.

 

I'm not sure where I am going with this, but I just feel sad for my ds right now. I know in my heart that homeschooling was (is) a good thing for him, especially in the early years. But now, he senses he has missed out on something, and honestly, I can't help but think that maybe he did.....

 

LauraD in MN

[Debbie in OR]

:grouphug: for you and your ds.

 

That is a tough one...I occasionally hear this from my dc as we have several friends who attend the public and private schools here and they all love it. There is nary a bad experience among them :glare:. But you know the reason why you chose homeschooling in the first place...that doesn't change with a friend who seems to be doing fine in ps. When this comes up with my kids, I tell them that I know they don't understand now and I can't make them understand unless I put them in school and let them see for themselves. But if they trust me and know that I love them, they will just have to trust that we believe this is the best for them. I fully accept that they may not completely appreciate this until they are adults. I'm ok with that...I can wait.

 

In the meantime, you get to enjoy your ds's quirks, knowing he gets to be exactly who he is and that he doesn't have to try and fit in somewhere...and that this season will pass. :grouphug:

[anotherclassicmom]

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

I don't have any great advice, but I just wanted to let you know I understand. My children have cousins in PS and they all seem to be having the time of their lives. I know it's not really true, but I think kids, like parents, try to put the positive spin on things. Just like we try to put the best of homeschooling forward.

 

I'm sorry your son is sad. I would start pointing out the things you do, that you can't do in public school. Example, "hey, let's go to Mcdonalds for lunch today, you can't do that when your in school all day" or "want to go hang out at ?? with another homeschool family? If you were in school, we wouldn't have the ability to do this" I find that just trying to spice up their life a bit, for awhile helps chase those blues away.

 

I agree with the above poster he will thank you someday.

[Desert Rat]

I think, for me, part of the decision to homeschool included mourning some of the things they would miss out on. Class parties and assemblies and maybe proms and dances. In choosing a different path for education, I walked away from some things that I really loved about school. I have pictures of every class function-play, party, game, growing up. So when I decided to homeschool, I knew I would be sad about the things my boys would "miss".

Of course, it makes it easier to remember all the other things they would miss. I was teased a lot in school and took it to heart. Only in the last few years have I been able to sneeze out loud because of that mean kid who teased me all first grade for the way I sneezed. I'm 38.

My oldest is quirky too and I worry that he wouldn't fit in regardless although he does well at TKD, not so much at soccer.

Anyway, I feel for you. I hope this phase ends quickly.

[Debbie in OR]

I think, for me, part of the decision to homeschool included mourning some of the things they would miss out on.

 

Very nicely put....and knowing that mourning it doesn't mean it's bad...just necessary.

[Ibbygirl]

:grouphug: I go through this with my dd as well. She spent one year in a charter school for 3rd grade (dh's idea. not mine :p ) I said to myself, "well. If she has to go to school, I am going to make it the best experience it can be for her." and I signed her up for chorus and she took dance classes and I got her involved in as many activities as I knew she would enjoy. I tried to make it good, but she was bullied a lot (she's got high functioning Autism and ticks to boot from OCD). One day 5 kids had her up against a chain link fence and were punching her in the stomach and kicking her in the shins. It still makes me furious when I think about it. The school told me, "well, getting kicked a couple of times isn't really that bad." I couldn't believe my ears! This was the Vice Principal talking. After 2 months my dh (who never was on board with the homeschooling before) told me that he wanted me to homeschool her again the following year and she's been home ever since. Do you know she'll still tell me sometimes that she misses going to school. She liked the chorus and the dancing. I told her that I paid a lot of money for her to be in those classes and that they weren't part of the curriculum. I told her also that if she was there for the grade that she is in now she would hate it because of the amount of homework she would have. She had 3-4 hours of homework a night when she was there for 3rd grade! Imagine 7th! :eek:

 

I hear her heart and I don't discount her feelings, but I just gently remind her that no school is perfect, not even homeschool, but that it is the best fit for our family and to just be happy that she got to go to a "real" school for one year anyway. And then I remind her to not romanticize it and forget the bullies that were there too. And of course our fun Fridays that we have in homeschool where we go to movies, lunch, field trips, the puppy palace. There is alot of stuff she wouldn't be able to do in a typical school and the sitting still and focusing for that long would be so difficult for her.

Edited August 13, 2009 by Ibbygirl

[katemary63]

I think, for me, part of the decision to homeschool included mourning some of the things they would miss out on.

 

Exactly! When my DD decided to take herself out of PS high school, she was devastated. There were many, many things she loved about school. But the scale was tipped in the other direction and she felt that the bad outweighed the good. She did mourn the things she missed, still does a bit. I am hoping that attending university will help her to move on.

 

As for my DD8, I think that our co-op is doing a great job of making sure some of the funner aspects of school are not missed. We have a field trip every month. We have holiday parties. We have art and PE classes (as well as other classes) and park days to get together and play, we've got science fair, spelling bee, culture fair, literature club, sports teams, on and on. I am trying hard to think of a fun aspect of public school that isn't available through our co-op. We even produce a beautiful, hard backed, year book with pictures of everybody in all thier activities. This thread just makes me appreciate our co-op more then ever and inspires me to take full advantage of it for a good reason. My DD won't be able to come to me and tell me all the things she wishes she could do that her ps friends are doing (she has several) because she will be doing them too!

 

 

Ps. our town is only about 30,000 people. It's rural AR. Other areas probably have even more available!

[joannqn]

I'm sorry your son is sad. I would start pointing out the things you do, that you can't do in public school. Example, "hey, let's go to Mcdonalds for lunch today, you can't do that when your in school all day" or "want to go hang out at ?? with another homeschool family? If you were in school, we wouldn't have the ability to do this" I find that just trying to spice up their life a bit, for awhile helps chase those blues away.

 

 

This is why my kids, ages 7 and 9, have never felt the desire to go to public school. We drive by the school nearly every time we are in the car. They are very much aware that every time we go to the zoo, museum, science center, library, or other field trip, they are doing something that they'd be missing if they were in public school.

 

They are also aware of how little free time public school kids have. One time we picked some friends up from school...1st and 3rd grade. My kids were looking forward to playing with them but mom said they had to do their homework first. An hour and a half later, they were still doing their homework when mom arrived to pick them up. They begged to play but they had to go eat dinner before gymnastics, after which was bath and bedtime. One year, they eagerly waited for summer so they could play with their best friends again. They never had time to play during the school year. Mom and dad were going through a divorce and the judge gave dad custody during the summers, so after waiting all year to see their friends, they ended up not getting to see them during the summer either.

 

When I expressed concern over how they don't get to play with the kids at school like I did (ie. recess and pe), my kids assured me that they had no desire to be there. They brought up the field trips and free time as why they are happier at home.

[CherylG]

I totally understand what you are going through and came on here to get some counsel of my own. My third and 4th child want to go to ps. They have been homeschooled their whole life. We brought the other two home from school in 4th and 2nd grade. Those two never (that my feeble brain can remember) wanted to go back. I actually tried to take the oldest to high school, when the counselor looked at his transcript from the local community college he said, "Sure we'll take him but I do not know why he would want to come here." My very quiet, usually, pretty respectful son said, "See, Mom." and walked out.

Now, fast forward to our 15 year old that golfs with the best golfers in the area on SB Junior golf. He is not one of the best but because he doesn't have an ego about him, the really good players talk to him and they joke around and just yesterday a boy that is already admitted to Northwestern, and still has a year to go in high school, told him he should go to high school. Plus, the little one is now starting an "I hate school" campaign. She broke her foot all summer and I think that now that school is approaching that is what is bothering her. She couldn't move or do anything this summer due to her foot. My heart is breaking...I have always tried to make school fun and learning adventuresome. But I am starting to be so sad, that I am having a hard-time putting one foot in front of the other to prepare for the coming year. I think we will start late, to help with her foot adjustment and maybe be will do a lot of hiking until we officially start.

Edited August 13, 2009 by CherylG
spelling

[Plucky]

Exactly! When my DD decided to take herself out of PS high school, she was devastated. There were many, many things she loved about school. But the scale was tipped in the other direction and she felt that the bad outweighed the good. She did mourn the things she missed, still does a bit. I am hoping that attending university will help her to move on.

 

As for my DD8, I think that our co-op is doing a great job of making sure some of the funner aspects of school are not missed. We have a field trip every month. We have holiday parties. We have art and PE classes (as well as other classes) and park days to get together and play, we've got science fair, spelling bee, culture fair, literature club, sports teams, on and on. I am trying hard to think of a fun aspect of public school that isn't available through our co-op. We even produce a beautiful, hard backed, year book with pictures of everybody in all thier activities. This thread just makes me appreciate our co-op more then ever and inspires me to take full advantage of it for a good reason. My DD won't be able to come to me and tell me all the things she wishes she could do that her ps friends are doing (she has several) because she will be doing them too!

 

 

Ps. our town is only about 30,000 people. It's rural AR. Other areas probably have even more available!

 

I know a lot of people shun homeschool groups, but we have benefited so much from them. We have many, but I'm associated with 3 that overlap. One is Christian and the other two are not. My kids go to dances, youth groups, so many different activities, that we often have to turn invitations down. Anything truly enjoyable at ps can be recreated for homeschoolers.