I am not BELIEVING this!!

[PineFarmMom]

I'd tell the boy and his parents that anyone that sneaky and disrespectful wasn't ever going to get any type of welcome from me. Blow him out of the water.

 

And I'm betting this is the tip of an unknown iceberg.

:iagree::iagree::iagree: I'm glad someone else said it!! I just would end this before it really begins!

[LUV2EDU]

If the boy cannot adhere to the rules of your house (and the girl he wishes to pursue), your daughter cannot be a part of his life. If he really likes her, he will impress the parents too.

 

Time for some character quality talks with this boy and your daughter.

 

(This is coming from a high school counselor btw! I dont' have actual teenagers of my own yet.) ;)

 

Dawn

 

To call your house after 9 pm and every hour after that, is a sure indication of the boys character. He seems to have no respect for you and your husband, your daughter, and your household. Take away her phone previleges. It is obvious that your DD has a hand in this.

[ereks mom]

I agree with Tess. I think it is pretty bold for that boy to continue calling after being answered by you and hung up on as well. I would take the phone line out of her room.

...

This is a wake-up call for you to help her make better choices about people she spends time with. I know I sound alarmist but I lived it. And I would get the other mom involved because if it was my son I would want to know and put an end to it so he knows how to treat women and their parents with respect.

 

:iagree:

[hillfarm]

Other than blocking his calls, it will be difficult for you to control the boy's behavior, even if his mother is cooperative. Focus on your dd's behavior. Talk to her about why you have the rule and that her taking the phone into her room makes it look like she was trying to break your rules. Warn her that if it happens again, you will wake her when dh gets up and she will get to see first hand how it feels.

 

Then explain to her why you care. That a boy who is sneaky, childish, and refuses to care enough about her to obey her family's rules is a loser. And that life is too short to waste it with losers. Underscore the fact that he didn't seem to mind at all that his behavior was going to get her into trouble. When that spills over into shoplifting, illegal drugs, etc., does she think he will suddenly have a change of heart and keep her out of his troubles? Emphasize that he didn't even care enough about her to restrain himself from something as simple as calling when he knew it was against your rules. Obviously he cares about one thing and that is himself and getting his own way immediately. Ask her to look for other examples in their relationship where he could have put her needs first, but instead chose to get what he wanted.

 

I speak from experience. I dated a guy like this many, many years ago. Thank God I got wise to and tired of his self centeredness early on and ditched him. Oh, the drama...he was suicidal, he would never love again, how could I be so cruel... and he was with someone else within a week. Don't let a jerk like this manipulate your dd.

[catherine smith]

I'd talk with the other parent also. As long as either are under the parents roof, you honor you father and mothers wishes ...that falls under "obey your father and mother and things will go well with you."

[Terabith]

I would be really torn.

 

On the one hand, this boy's behavior is really egregious. I'm appalled at his manners, and I definitely think that you need to have a conversation with his parents. I think he should have to earn back the privilege of calling your dd by apologizing to you and your husband.

 

I'm not sure I would go so far as to say that disobeying the phone rule logically leads to premarital tea. But, it does indicate a lack of respect that is concerning.

 

On the other hand, it seems unfair to me to punish your dd because of something HE did. Perhaps she knew he was likely to call, but she doesn't have the power to make him not call, and so she took the phone to her room to minimize the disruption. But, if she *is* doing it to be sneaky, that is a problem. I would want to explore her motivations.

 

But, I remember having conversations at 14/ 15 that lasted till 2am, sometimes even with a boy. And I have to admit, I think some of those conversations really shaped me, in a good way, for life. Friendships were built, and I learned a lot about relationships (and friendships with boys) that have helped strenthen my marriage. I think in some ways that was very important to my development.

 

Do you know this boy at all, other than the phone issue? That would be the kicker for me. If you think that he is generally a good kid, then I would work to teach him (through his parents) how to have good manners. And in that case, I would perhaps allow her to call him after 9. But, if he is a general jerk, then I'd want to curb their relationship.

 

This is definitely a teaching opportunity for your dd. I think a discussion about respect towards friends and respect for rules and your husband's sleep is in order. I think I would want to discuss what this indicates about the boy with her, and how it impacts your trust of her. It's a pretty good "object lesson."

 

But, remember not to take your anger out on your daughter. It is possible that she was in a conspiracy to talk to him after nine. But she did not make the call, and she certainly did not call multiple times, after midnight, and not speak. She should not be punished for HIS lack of respect. Sneakiness and breaking phone rules, yes. But try not to take out your anger on her beyond what her own actions have warranted.

[johnandtinagilbert]

I'm with the no phone for a week.

 

Good bye boy crowd. You don't pine to talk to someone over night that you don't "like" in the boy/girl friend kinda way...if they were just friends, it would be no big deal to hang up. For my comfort zone, way too strong an emotional bond for a young girl of 14. FWIW, my 13 and 12 y.o. boys have Zero interest in talking on the phone at all.

 

Serious conversation with dd containing your wisdom, Their lack of respect (she was So a part of this) and why she won't be with the boy any longer.

 

I see a very troubled future here...cuz I was a naughty little girl and this is exactly how I would have behaved with a boyfriend.

[Moni]

I don't know that I'd get the other mom involved, though, myself. I'd take it straight to him,

 

I thought she already took it to the boy.

 

I'd go to the parents first.

Then to the police ;) Get a restraining order?

 

:seeya:

[JWSJ]

Block the calls coming from that phone number.

 

The instructions are on-line.