Bummed (Maybe Christian Content?)

[Impish]

I'm not exactly sure where this thread is going, so bear with me, k?

 

I'm not sure if its just the week that's getting to me...the going for yet ANOTHER exam by a stranger for Workers Compensation, and the ramifications (aka pain and exhaustion) of that, but I feel like I'm treading water and its frustrating the daylights out of me.

 

Diva is doing incredibly well, as I've posted, and I'm so proud of her.

The Littles are...well, they're The Littles :lol:

 

What makes me nuts is wanting to move so badly. Wolf (dh) and I have wanted to live on an acreage since before we married. I'm a real estate junkie, forever looking at properties online. I know of at least FOUR properties in excellent locations for me (warmer weather than where we currently live...winters are brutal on me here) but not too far away, would carry a mortgage for around the same as we pay in rent...but we're completely stuck here, because of Workers Comp. Moving would be equal to quitting my job, and therefore I would lose all my Workers Comp benefits.

 

Its like I see all these wonderful opportunities before us, but are completely unable to even CONSIDER going after one of them. Heck, I'm not even sure that we'd qualify for a mortgage with our credit, but why even bother to find out since we can't procede? Even checking causes your credit to have a hit on it, and I'm not about to hit my credit for nothing, thanks. Plus, I'm fully aware that Workers Comp does owe me a settlement based on my 'non work loss'...some weird thing they do, figuring out that all my non work life (social, family, parenting, marriage, etc) is worth $x a year, and they pay your whatever % of that $x based on one year. One year only. Doesn't matter that you'll always be disabled, its a one year, one time thing...completely STUPID to me, but better than nothing...and that settlement would be a downpayment, albeit a small one, on a house.

 

So, I sit, treading water, watching these beautiful properties that we could totally afford come and go, and pray and pray and pray that when the time comes there is still a property that we can afford and that is suitable for a family our size available. As unpredictible as the real estate market is, I live with the fear that by the time everything is sorted out, we won't be able to afford what we need, and will be stuck renting for years to come.

 

I hate living in the city, in a townhouse. I hate that my neighbours are so close that we have to constantly remind the children to be quiet. I hate that the yard is so small we can't have a swing set, or any type of play structure at all. Our 'garden' is a small brick structure out front. I want my kids to have room to run and yell and not worry about disturbing the neighbours.

 

I shouldn't whine. We have a park right across the road we can go to anytime, and a community centre for swimming very close. I just see opportunity a breath away and cannot even consider pursuing it.

 

I keep telling myself that God has a plan, that God knows what is right for us, and God will provide a way when the time is right. Unfortunately, I'm very, VERY human, and patience is NOT one of my many virtues :lol:

[secular_mom]

I think it would be wise to stop tormenting yourself by perusing real estate. It can only result in ill feelings, so why set yourself up for such feelings? You know what your circumstances are, accept them and focus your energy/thoughts on what you CAN do at this time.

Lots of virtual hugs, I wouldn't dream of actually touching you (for fear of causing pain).

[RhondaM.]

I keep telling myself that God has a plan, that God knows what is right for us, and God will provide a way when the time is right. Unfortunately, I'm very, VERY human, and patience is NOT one of my many virtues :lol:

 

 

God does have a plan. If it were me in your situation I think I'd try to have faith that he was keeping me from getting that settlement so that I could not spend it on the wrong property.

 

He possibly has something that is just perfect and right for you but it has not become available yet. :)

 

Sometimes it is VERY hard to wait and see what God has in store for us. :grouphug:

 

RhondaM.

[Queen_Zarga]

Heck, I'm not even sure that we'd qualify for a mortgage with our credit, but why even bother to find out since we can't procede? Even checking causes your credit to have a hit on it, and I'm not about to hit my credit for nothing, thanks.

 

Checking your own credit report does not show as a "hit." I don't know if you live in Canada or the US, but in the US you can check your credit reports free once per year. There are 3 credit reporting companies: Equifax, Experian and TransUnion. We check one of them every 3 months (Equifax in April, Experian in August, TU in Dec, for example) just to make sure everything is as it should be. Go to www.annualcreditreport.com.

 

If you have any questions about your credit, now is the time to be checking. That way, if there is a problem, you are aware of it and have time to work on cleaning things up before you try to buy.

[Impish]

I'm in Canada. I've been working on rebuilding my credit (had problems with credit cards when I was in college, just got another one, first time since!) so that I can prepare for a mortgage when the time comes.

 

I'm just not a patient person.

 

Be glad I'm not pregnant. That was a gong show, the last 6 wks :glare:

[Impish]

I think it would be wise to stop tormenting yourself by perusing real estate. It can only result in ill feelings, so why set yourself up for such feelings? You know what your circumstances are, accept them and focus your energy/thoughts on what you CAN do at this time.

Lots of virtual hugs, I wouldn't dream of actually touching you (for fear of causing pain).

One armed hugs, on the left are just fine :D

[titianmom]

and I'm still not out West like I dreamed of being when I was younger. ;)

 

I'm not writing this to discourage you. Believe me, I'm just as female as you are and where my nest is makes a big difference.

 

But I have learned over the years that God is good and He really does know what's best. He's taken really good care of us over the years.

 

Now I have Psoriatic Arthritis in 6 joints and have to exercise at the gym every day to stay off the meds, which destroy your liver over time. Sigh.

 

But now that I'm working out at the gym with the family, we've never felt better. Losing weight and doing great without the drugs.

 

But I prayed to be healed. . .

 

The point is, sometimes God has a way of working things out for us that isn't what we expect but ends up just what we really want and need and didn't know it.

 

Hang in there. I joke with people that, while I was in Maryland I prayed that God would let us move out West....so He sends me to West Virginia, which proves He has a sense of humor. Do you realize that WV is the only state that has the word, "West" in it?

 

I, too, hate the cold because of my joints. But I've learned over time that what we think will be better isn't always the case. WHo knows if living in a warmer place would actually be better? God does; we don't. I mean, there is a downside to leaving in a warm climate, just as there's a downside to living in the cold. No place is perfect.

 

...and now my sister has just moved out West. Sigh.

 

I really don't agonize over it anymore. I'm at peace with where I'm living, now. If He never lets me move out West, so be it.

 

I've learned that God usually waits until we put down whatever it is we're coveting before He'll give it to us. He doesn't want us to be OWNED by things(which I know you know already), but to learn to be content. I can honestly say that I'm content for the most part, and I'm happy with the home He's given me and certainly happy that my family is doing well.

 

 

I have a feeling that my heavenly home will be a hacienda with a wide veranda wrapping all the way across the front of it so that I can look out over a wide, glorious field of horses...

 

Maybe He's just saving the best for last?

 

Take care, focus on the Lord.

 

 

Kim

[mom4him]

I'm not exactly sure where this thread is going, so bear with me, k?

 

I'm not sure if its just the week that's getting to me...the going for yet ANOTHER exam by a stranger for Workers Compensation, and the ramifications (aka pain and exhaustion) of that, but I feel like I'm treading water and its frustrating the daylights out of me.

 

Diva is doing incredibly well, as I've posted, and I'm so proud of her.

The Littles are...well, they're The Littles :lol:

 

What makes me nuts is wanting to move so badly. Wolf (dh) and I have wanted to live on an acreage since before we married. I'm a real estate junkie, forever looking at properties online. I know of at least FOUR properties in excellent locations for me (warmer weather than where we currently live...winters are brutal on me here) but not too far away, would carry a mortgage for around the same as we pay in rent...but we're completely stuck here, because of Workers Comp. Moving would be equal to quitting my job, and therefore I would lose all my Workers Comp benefits.

 

Its like I see all these wonderful opportunities before us, but are completely unable to even CONSIDER going after one of them. Heck, I'm not even sure that we'd qualify for a mortgage with our credit, but why even bother to find out since we can't procede? Even checking causes your credit to have a hit on it, and I'm not about to hit my credit for nothing, thanks. Plus, I'm fully aware that Workers Comp does owe me a settlement based on my 'non work loss'...some weird thing they do, figuring out that all my non work life (social, family, parenting, marriage, etc) is worth $x a year, and they pay your whatever % of that $x based on one year. One year only. Doesn't matter that you'll always be disabled, its a one year, one time thing...completely STUPID to me, but better than nothing...and that settlement would be a downpayment, albeit a small one, on a house.

 

So, I sit, treading water, watching these beautiful properties that we could totally afford come and go, and pray and pray and pray that when the time comes there is still a property that we can afford and that is suitable for a family our size available. As unpredictible as the real estate market is, I live with the fear that by the time everything is sorted out, we won't be able to afford what we need, and will be stuck renting for years to come.

 

I hate living in the city, in a townhouse. I hate that my neighbours are so close that we have to constantly remind the children to be quiet. I hate that the yard is so small we can't have a swing set, or any type of play structure at all. Our 'garden' is a small brick structure out front. I want my kids to have room to run and yell and not worry about disturbing the neighbours.

 

I shouldn't whine. We have a park right across the road we can go to anytime, and a community centre for swimming very close. I just see opportunity a breath away and cannot even consider pursuing it.

 

I keep telling myself that God has a plan, that God knows what is right for us, and God will provide a way when the time is right. Unfortunately, I'm very, VERY human, and patience is NOT one of my many virtues :lol:

Different situation, same desires here. One of the things that was told to me several years ago and that I try to live by is, "There is always time to do the will of God."

We live in Rally town(Population around 6000) where once a year, every year, we are inundated by anywhere from 500,000 to 1,000,000 people on motor cycles. We live one block off one of the main streets into town thus when the main road gets back logged, like every day at about 5 pm, the bikes start roaring down our street. Normally our two kids can ride their bikes out in front of our house and one block up and one block down. There is 2 wks that they don't leave our yard unless an adult is with them. And then there is the noise that never quits, for 2 wks it goes pretty much day and night. You can be up at 3 in the morning and the rumble is still going. I do everything I can to be able to keep my kids at home. I mean we don't go anywhere in town if we can help it as to simply drive across town after something you forgot to pick up the week before you are going to be exposed to way more skin and sometimes much more.

I have wanted to move forever but my dh says that we have put to much into our house. He had put a lot into it. We have remodeled almost everyroom and have hardwood floors that he has laid in most of the main living area.

Sorry this is so long. I just wanted to let you know that I do understand but have to relie on the Lord to see me through. If our move ever takes place I will then know that it was Him and not me that brought it about.

[Impish]

I think my biggest issue isn't so much the weather, although it would be a huge blessing...its a home of our own. And space. Glorious space. And out of the city. God has laid it on our hearts for years to remove our family from the city, to seek out a quieter life for our family, to return to a simpler way and become more self sufficient. We're waiting for God to show us how and where and when. We know and trust that its WHAT we're to do...its the rest we don't know :lol:

 

I thought that returning to work, furthering my education and career was the 'how'. My injury was a neon sign that nope, it wasn't. So now we're waiting to be shown how...and what role my injury plays in it. I know that God does nothing without purpose, and allows nothing to happen without purpose, so I'm waiting for understanding.

 

While pacing, chewing my nails, and generally all 'round making myself nuts with my impatience ;)

[titianmom]

Hi again, your comment sparked a memory.

 

My husband lived out in the country when he was young and said that it was a hard transition from living in the city. Most of the people he knew that moved out into the country for the same reasons you site ended up moving back into town when they found out how much work and expense it was to live in the country, and that they had to drive long distances to get anything they needed. It became a real hassle for many of them and they just quit the country life. It's often more expensive to live in the country, believe it or not...esp if you have animals, etc.

 

I live in rural WV, now. Before we lived in town between 2 cities (Wash DC and Balt). I thought it was going to be much cheaper out in rural WV. Wrong. The houses are less expensive, true, and the property taxes are less....

 

But, WV nickels and dimes you TO DEATH because they tax everything. Plus, you drive all the time to get to anything. Also, there's really nothing here. Even the library system is poor, so we drive to MD to get books and shop. After all the gas money, it's cheaper to just order stuff online and wait for it.

 

Plus, the culture is completely different. So finding a church has been difficult. They're not into change and the teaching, here, isn't the greatest IMHO.

 

Not to discourage, just to give you the big picture. Again, everything has it's downside. If space is what you want, prepare to sacrifice other things you want just as much.

 

:)

 

XXOO

Kim

[Impish]

I lived in the country for several years :001_smile: I do know what its like to have to head into town for everything (20 min drive, min) no pizza delivery, nearest movies is another 45 min - an hour away.

 

Honestly, we don't do any of that NOW. Sure, the occasional (once a month, maybe) pizza, but movies? Uh...I was *supposed* to go with SpecialMama to Earth, but that didn't work out, Diva went though...

 

So honestly, I wouldn't miss anything as far as amenities go. Grocery shopping is a payday excursion, planned and executed with military sniper precision...or would be if Wolf would follow the grocery list :glare: What is it with men and grocery lists? Is it only my husband that seems to skip every 3rd item or so? Is he challenging my creativity? A weird form of list dyslexia? I digress.

 

I pretty much loathe city living for the most part. I'd be perfectly fine with a once a month coming in with the hubby as he goes to work, tending to errands in the city, and going back home with him at the end of the day. :001_smile:

[cin]

What makes me nuts is wanting to have children so badly. Wolf (dh) and I have wanted to have kids since before we married. I'm an office assistant in a pediatrician's office forever looking at babies. I know of at least FOUR friends who are pregnant. ...but we're completely stuck here, because of Infertility.

 

 

Its like I see all these wonderful babies before us, but are completely unable to even CONSIDER going after one of them.

 

So, I sit, treading water, watching these beautiful babies that we could totally afford come and go, and pray and pray and pray that when the time comes there is still a baby that is suitable for a family our size available. As unpredictible as one's fertility is, I live with the fear that by the time everything is sorted out, we won't be able to get pregnant. and will be stuck childless for years to come.

 

I hate living in the city, in a townhouse. I hate that my neighbours are pregnant and or have children. I hate that the yard is so small we can't have a swing set, or any type of play structure at all. Our 'garden' is a small brick structure out front. I want my kids to have room to run and yell and not worry about disturbing the neighbours.

 

I shouldn't whine. We take nice vacations every year, and have little to no restrictions on our time. I just see opportunity a breath away and cannot even consider pursuing it.

 

I keep telling myself that God has a plan, that God knows what is right for us, and God will provide a way when the time is right. Unfortunately, I'm very, VERY human, and patience is NOT one of my many virtues :lol:

 

 

And then out of the blue, 11 years after my *1* pregnancy and ensuing miscarriage, I was introduced to this really wierd woman who adopted a(nother) cute baby from Vietnam. Lo and Behold 12 years (almost to the day) after my miscarriage, we were getting off a plane with our own cute baby from Vietnam. 3 yrs later, almost to the day, we were deplaning with a little one from China.

 

All those friends that were pregnant now have children graduating from high school (literally--I have 2 announcements sitting here to be responded too). And I---we have 2 adorable littles, whom God knew would need us. The oldest definitely needs me. Gods sense of humor--I travel halfway around the world and find a child who has me personality, quirks and all!!! But we also realized that during those 12 years we lost 3 parents, 2 to LONG term illnesses. And we are both only children. Would we have been able to handle all of that?

 

Trust me, but more importantly, trust God. His timing is sooo much better than ours. Right now, I could not imagine myself anywhere else.

[titianmom]

We were told early on that I'd never have children. 12 years into the marriage we decided to take a vacation to New Mexico, and while there, we went hiking in the Sandias. I slipped and broke a finger...at the time I thought it was just sprained.

 

When I got back to my nice, professional job I decided to go down to the nurses area and have my hand x-rayed. They asked if I could be pregnant...I just chuckled and said, "that's unlikely." But, they made me take a prego test, anyway...which came back positive.

 

I called my husband and told him he'd better sit down. I told him I went down to the nurses station to get an x-ray of my hand and I found out I was pregnant.

 

There was this reallllly long pause and then he says, "What kind of technology do they have now-days that you can tell someone's pregnant from a hand x-ray?"

 

What a goof ball.

 

Anyway, obviously God had other plans.

 

Kim

[Impish]

Thanks so much for your responses.

 

Forgive me for a moment while I go on a bit of a bunny trail, because its so odd to me that you mention adoption...you see, my dh is adopted...and we've discussed adopting, but one of the reasons that we've decided not to pursue it at this time is that we don't have the room (literally) for another child in this house, and figure that we wouldn't be able to pass inspection and approval. :blink: Just struck me a bit funny that you would respond relating to your adoption, since we've kinda given up on it because of my disability, figuring that my being on constant narcotic pain meds would also cause us to flunk the pre-screening process.

[Denisemomof4]

I have been in your shoes. We lived in a tiny duplex, adorable and one we owned, but next to my MOTHER-IN-LAW. Her property overlooked ours and she was constantly looking out at what I did or didn't do. I absolutely HATED it. We lived there for 7 LOOOOOOOOOONG years and I hated most of it, but I refused to dwell on it because I knew I could drive myself crazy. ;) I did have moments, however, where I did choose to drive myself nuts. I was good at it.

 

I would suggest turning your thoughts into prayers. God does have a plan, and perhaps HE is the author of your dreams?

 

Our place was so small that it was hard to be hospitable, but we chose to anyway. If we were at the dinner table with company, people would have to get up and move their chairs so we could get into the refrigerator. Towards the end when we had two boys in that tiny place, I got stir crazy so I opted to go out and walk A TON. I was very skinny. :D I just found ways to cope and manage until our circumstances changed.

 

And they did. We found our dream home and acreage in a rural location yet close to everything. We built our barn and have a farm. We absolutely LOVE country life, and our old life is but a memory. I still remember the sirens speeding past and awaking our babies during their naps, the constant traffic, etc. I do NOT miss it, and I don't miss being close to everything.

 

Turn your discontent into prayer! Pray that God make a way for it to happen. Pray for Him to remove that desire if it is not of Him. Pray for peace.

 

The second we walked into our home we fell in love with it. I never thought we could afford it. We had invested in land that had taken a BEATING, and this property was listed as 65k more than we qualified for. BUT, God had a plan, and we've been living in this home for almost 13 years now and LOVING every moment of it.

 

Turn your focus into prayer, and God will change your desires to be His, or He will answer your prayer!

 

Denise

 

PS - I moved from CA to NH and HATED winters. My husband looked at me like I had three heads this past winter when I told him it was my favorite season. I *LOVE* winter now! I LOVE walks in winter where the cool air is so refreshing and their are no bugs. I absolutely LOVE moonlit walks in the woods with a full moon. I absolutely LOVE WINTER, and THAT could only be a God thing. I honestly was sad to see winter end this year. I'm SO glad that God placed me in NH. Although dh and I have tried to move out of state in the past, it never worked out and I'm SO glad now. I have NO intention of ever leaving.

Edited May 30, 2009 by Denisemomof4

[Impish]

Thank you so much for your response, Denise! I'm a Canadian girl, so winter is a normal thing for me, lol! Never could I escape it and still be Canadian! Where I am is bitterly cold in the winter, even for Canada though, so when looking at property my dh steers towards properties southwards as my RSD is negatively affected by the very cold temps.

 

I do pray nightly that God guides us to where He wants us to be, that He helps us to see His plan for us, and shows us the way He wishes us to go. I know I'm impatient, and that it will happen in accordance with His plan and not mine, that's been made very clear to me. My injury has been a humbling experience in many ways.

[Denisemomof4]

Thank you so much for your response, Denise! I'm a Canadian girl, so winter is a normal thing for me, lol! Never could I escape it and still be Canadian! Where I am is bitterly cold in the winter, even for Canada though, so when looking at property my dh steers towards properties southwards as my RSD is negatively affected by the very cold temps.

 

I do pray nightly that God guides us to where He wants us to be, that He helps us to see His plan for us, and shows us the way He wishes us to go. I know I'm impatient, and that it will happen in accordance with His plan and not mine, that's been made very clear to me. My injury has been a humbling experience in many ways.

 

DON'T PRAY FOR PATIENCE!!!!!!!!!!!! JUST TRUST ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:w00t::w00t::w00t:

[cin]

DON'T PRAY FOR PATIENCE!!!!!!!!!!!! JUST TRUST ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:w00t::w00t::w00t:

 

 

 

:rofl::smilielol5::iagree:

[Impish]

Oh believe me, I've learned THAT the hard way too! :lol:

[amy g.]

I remember how frustrating it was too be living in suburbia, and looking at rural real estate listings.

 

Our old house was bought by the county, so that meant years of red tape, waiting for everything to be approved. I knew that I was not going to be able to find the right house on short notice, and we kept being assured that our package would go through, "next week". If you were on the old boards, you will remember my posting listings and asking for advice.

 

I looked for houses for a year and a half. During that time, we really cleaned up our credit, and put the family on a financial diet. We put every spare dollar into savings for a down payment.

 

We found a house we were in love with. Made an offer that was accepted. then we found out there would be another delay selling our house. I still remember how despondent I felt. We ended up losing the contract. Then months went by, and nothing else became available in the area where we were looking. My Dh was so depressed that he would not even look at other houses.

 

All of the delays meant that we had more in savings than we expected. When it was really time to buy, we found a bigger house in a much better neighborhood, with a pool and a beautiful barn on a very quiet street with huge trees.

 

It was a frustrating time, but It is really true that every house we missed out on was because God had something even better in store for us.

 

Hang in there. I know it is hard.

[titianmom]

Great example.

 

:)

 

kim

I remember how frustrating it was too be living in suburbia, and looking at rural real estate listings.

 

Our old house was bought by the county, so that meant years of red tape, waiting for everything to be approved. I knew that I was not going to be able to find the right house on short notice, and we kept being assured that our package would go through, "next week". If you were on the old boards, you will remember my posting listings and asking for advice.

 

I looked for houses for a year and a half. During that time, we really cleaned up our credit, and put the family on a financial diet. We put every spare dollar into savings for a down payment.

 

We found a house we were in love with. Made an offer that was accepted. then we found out there would be another delay selling our house. I still remember how despondent I felt. We ended up losing the contract. Then months went by, and nothing else became available in the area where we were looking. My Dh was so depressed that he would not even look at other houses.

 

All of the delays meant that we had more in savings than we expected. When it was really time to buy, we found a bigger house in a much better neighborhood, with a pool and a beautiful barn on a very quiet street with huge trees.

 

It was a frustrating time, but It is really true that every house we missed out on was because God had something even better in store for us.

 

Hang in there. I know it is hard.

[Impish]

I wasn't on the old board, so thanks so much for sharing your story!