Help me figure out how to handle this problem with my mother. Please.

[Karen sn]

Your mom can care for the land somewhere else; it's a big planet. Do what you need to do, and don't feel bad about it.

 

Exactly.

[Karen sn]

Yep...I agree. There is obviously a reason you need a permit to cut down trees there.

 

But would people stop praying to their gods if we needed a permit to do it?

Some well meaning laws end up causing more harm than good.

[Karen sn]

I think the people who are really concerned about the law in cutting down trees on your own property have never met the DEQ :lol:

 

What is the DEQ?

[Karen sn]

[

 

The neighbors are gone so there is nothing I can do there. (The gentleman living there is in a nursing home now and his kids are getting the house ready to sell.)

QUOTE]

 

So she cost an old man in a nursing home thousands?

Did he even know you needed a permit.

I think your mom is a control freak manipulator hiding under a "save the earth" banner. Don't let her manipulate you.....

[3lilreds in NC]

What is the DEQ?

 

Department of Environmental Quality

[Kathy in MD]

I am not a tree killer.

But if it's MY property - I will do what I want.

It's not against the law to kill the trees - it's against the law to do it without a permit!!!!!

......

 

 

 

The problem with ecology is that we're learning that what we do to our property often affects someone else's property. So, hypothetically, if you clear cut your hilly property, the soil run off and erosion has greatly silted up the salmon stream. That keeps the salmon eggs from hatching, and may ruin my hypothetical career as a salmon fisherman or the price I much pay for wild salmon.

 

Or let's take a common problem in the mid-Atlantic region. People are building homes all over the area and want to have the "perfect" green lawn. They have no need of training or testing such as the farmers must have. So they put on as much nitrogen, or biocide, or...... as they want. But the combination of everyone's actions is a large factor in the dead zones of the Cheasapeake Bay and killing off not only the bay but also the livelihood of the watermen who depend on a healthy bay.

 

So these are just two examples of why there are restrictions on what you do to your property. There are many, many more. In our area, some towns require permits to cut down trees. Developers are often often required to replace the trees they cut down or wetlands they fill in in nearby areas. Sometimes enforcement is overly harsh, in others they only appear on paper. But there are good reasons for many of the rules and regulations reguarding tree cutting on private property.

 

My father often said "Your right to swing your fist ends when it hits my nose." Ecology has taught us that his saying also applies to what we do to the land we own.

[PineFarmMom]

I am not a tree killer.

But if it's MY property - I will do what I want.

It's not against the law to kill the trees - it's against the law to do it without a permit!!!!!

The tree is still dead. The neighbors lost money. The city will do what with that money?

 

.

 

My thoughts exactly. We own 5 acres. We purchased it. We'll cut down trees where we want and when we want, because...it is OURS!!

[Kathy in MD]

My thoughts exactly. We own 5 acres. We purchased it. We'll cut down trees where we want and when we want, because...it is OURS!!

 

OK, I'm your next door neighbor and I have a pond I want to drain. I cut a channel only on my land, but it inadvertently directs all the water so it floods YOUR house. You have $100,000 worth of damage.

 

Remember, the channel I cut is ONLY on my land. I didn't directly touch your land. I didn't mean to flood your home. By your reasoning, I can cut the channel without any interference or reprecussions from you or the government because it's MY land. So you won't have any recourse to sue me for the damage to your home because I didn't do anything on your land. I don't think you'd like that aspect of your philosophy. BTW, remember your homeower's insurance won't cover the damage either because it's flood damage.

[PineFarmMom]

OK, I'm your next door neighbor and I have a pond I want to drain. I cut a channel only on my land, but it inadvertently directs all the water so it floods YOUR house. You have $100,000 worth of damage.

 

Remember, the channel I cut is ONLY on my land. I didn't directly touch your land. I didn't mean to flood your home. By your reasoning, I can cut the channel without any interference or reprecussions from you or the government because it's MY land. So you won't have any recourse to sue me for the damage to your home because I didn't do anything on your land. I don't think you'd like that aspect of your philosophy. BTW, remember your homeower's insurance won't cover the damage either because it's flood damage.

 

I said trees, not waterways. I know our home contract and where we can and cannot put a pond. Trees are different. We'd like to do large-scale gardening, like the kind where we can store our own veggies...many of the trees must come down for that.

[newlifemom]

Your are right in that I love my mom. I certainly do want to have the best relationship possible with her.

 

 

I just want you to know that I have been praying for you.:grouphug:

[Kathy in MD]

I said trees, not waterways. I know our home contract and where we can and cannot put a pond. Trees are different. We'd like to do large-scale gardening, like the kind where we can store our own veggies...many of the trees must come down for that.

 

But trees can affect the value of neighboring property just as much as water can. It may not be as obvious, but it does. And that pond or wetlands can also keep me from planting a large garden just as much as your trees do. Just talk to farmers with wetlands to get a earful on this topic! So why can you cut your trees, but I, and the farmers, can't drain our ponds?

 

The permiting system often allows for cutting down trees but requires they be compensated for by planting replacements in less troublesome areas. And generally it doesn't require replacing them with large monsters.

 

BTW, if your big interest is in planting large gardens, why don't you buy property that's already cleared? The trees are already gone, so no additional ecological damage will be done and, from my personal view, a large garden to feed people is a much better choice than a couple of acres of lawn that's only looked at.

[Mrs. Readsalot]

Wow it looks like this thread has gone way off topic. Here are my thoughts on the original questions. For me this is simple. You asked your mom not to do something, she did it, you have every reason now not to let her come back on the property. Really I don't think it matters whether what she did was morally right or wrong, she went against you wishes. She sounds like an intelligent woman and she had to have known that this would cause problems for you with your neighbors. I see situations like this go on all the time in our neighborhood and people end up retaliating against other etc. It can get very ugly. I do feel bad that your mom has had such mean words for you. I am sure that hurt. It's sounds like she is not great with interpersonal relationships.

Karen

[Kathy in MD]

Wow it looks like this thread has gone way off topic. Here are my thoughts on the original questions. For me this is simple. You asked your mom not to do something, she did it, you have every reason now not to let her come back on the property. Really I don't think it matters whether what she did was morally right or wrong, she went against you wishes. She sounds like an intelligent woman and she had to have known that this would cause problems for you with your neighbors. I see situations like this go on all the time in our neighborhood and people end up retaliating against other etc. It can get very ugly. I do feel bad that your mom has had such mean words for you. I am sure that hurt. It's sounds like she is not great with interpersonal relationships.

Karen

 

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree: (Even though I was one who participated in the off topic discussion.)

 

The only thing I can't concur with in your post is that I haven't actually seen retaliation, but I have seen some really cold relationships develop. OTOH, maybe I have seen some retaliation on a subtle level.

[Natalieclare]

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree: (Even though I was one who participated in the off topic discussion.)

 

The only thing I can't concur with in your post is that I haven't actually seen retaliation, but I have seen some really cold relationships develop. OTOH, maybe I have seen some retaliation on a subtle level.

 

I had to laugh at the "off topic" conversation because, really, it's just the background music to the whole movie of my mom and me. :D I support restoration, I just don't think rural property owners should have to bear the conscience of the rest of the population (especially without any compensation), rendering them unable to landscape, even concientiously and responsibly, without expensive permits. My mom is definitely beyond extreme in her level of commitment to the natural world.

 

Just to be clear, *we* are not clearing trees to plant grass. She has had neighbors do so and has tried to make them sorry for their choices. We have planted a forest, removed invasive species without the use of chemicals, and planted native underbrush alll along our creek up to a good fifty feet out for a good long stretch. Just want to set the record straight.

 

 

Kathy, I hope you don't mind sharing a little posting real estate:

 

Anyway, I don't know how to multiple quote and I've had a migraine today, thus I don't know how (and don't feel up to figuring out how) to respond to each poster. But I really do appreciate everyone's thoughts and especially the prayers. Right now, she is choosing to avoid my calls. So the next move is up to her.

[kalanamak]

I Right now, she is choosing to avoid my calls. So the next move is up to her.

 

I'm so sorry, hopefully she is just doing what she has to do not to say something she'll regret.

 

You are so sweet and gentle. I never imagined you had such a virago for a mother.