I know, part of me thinks that, too, and then part of me thinks, 'but I have no idea how many snacks and treats she did provide my daughter at her house that makes her have justified this in her head and made her think it was okay to tell my daughter, 'you treat this time.'' Even though it wasn't really appropriate still, maybe she didn't think of it as using her but more of keeping things fair because she thought she was spending a good amount on her, too. I just don't know. But I think you're right regardless, because either way I don't think she was exercising good judgement and didn't go about things the right way, and it's not like this was the first time or the first situation with her, and I don't know how many times it came up, and now I'll always wonder about her, and plus things would just feel awkward. So maybe it would just be better regardless to let her go and stick with the others. I don't know why I feel so conflicted about it though. I don't even have any close personal feelings toward her myself, it's more just feeling kind of bad/awkward about it for some reason.

Once in a while we do.

I really loved that series, too! So, I'm still in the middle of Stephen King's "11/22/63" this week, currently on page 437 of 849 (does this count as two books? haha), and you're not going to believe what happened to me. There I am reading it late last night, and I get up to page 404. It's nearly midnight and I can barely put the book down, and this is what I read at the bottom of page 404: I saw my own invitation lying next to my typewriter, and felt a I go on to page "405" and read: "It makes me feel bad, too," I said, "but it's probably for the best." I do a double take. Huh? Because of course that didn't make sense. I look again to see where I missed a word. But I didn't miss a word- it says the same thing, and it still doesn't make sense. My eyes are tired, it's late, I read a third time. Finally, I look at the page numbers and see that the pages skip from page 404 to page 437. 31 pages are MISSING. Not as in torn out. As in, NEVER PUT IN. A quick Google search via my iphone tells me this has happened to other people, too. Apparently, some of these books are just defective and have to be returned and exchanged! I got this one from a library and I was SO aggravated! Fortunately, my husband was able somehow to find me the missing text online somewhere, which I read at my computer this morning, and I'm now able to pick up where I left off in this defective book! When I bring it back to the library, I will have to tell the librarian to throw it out or something, so someone else doesn't get as frustrated as I nearly did. Ugh! If YOU pick up this book, check it before you take it home! Anyway... COMPLETED THIS YEAR: 1. Envy, by J.R. Ward (Fallen Angels series) 2. Kiss of the Highlander, by Karen Marie Moning (Highlander series) 3. The Ramayana, A Shortened Modern Prose Version of the Indian Epic, by R.K. Narayan (with my daughter for school reading) 4. Dark Highlander, by Karen Marie Moning (Highlander series) 5. The Immortal Highlander, by Karen Marie Moning (Highlander series) 6. Spell of the Highlander, by Karen Marie Moning (Highlander series) IN PROGRESS: 7. The Traveler, by John Twelve Hawks 8. 11/22/63, by Stephen King: On November 22, 1963, three shots rang out in Dallas, President Kennedy died, and the world changed. What if you could change it back? In this brilliantly conceived tour de force, Stephen King- who has absorbed the social, political, and popular culture of his generation more imaginatively and thoroughly than any other writer- takes readers on an incredible journey into the past and the possibility of altering it. It begins with Jake Epping, a thirty-five-year-old English teacher in Lisbon Falls, Maine, who makes extra money teaching GED classes. He asks his students to write about an event that changed their lives, and one essay blows him away- a gruesome, harrowing story about the night more than fifty years ago when Harry Dunning's father came home and killed his mother, his sister, and his brother with a sledgehammer. Reading the essay is a watershed moment for Jake, his life- like Harry's, like America's in 1963- turning on a dime. Not much later his friend Al, who owns the local diner, divulges a secret: his storeroom is a portal to the past, a particular day in 1958. And Al enlists Jake to take over the mission that has become his obsession- to prevent the Kennedy assassination. So begins Jake's new life as George Amberson, in a different world of Ike and JFK and Elvis, of big American cars and sock hops and cigarette smoke everywhere. From the dank little city of Derry, Maine (where there's Dunning business to conduct), to the warmhearted small town of Jodie, Texas, where Jake falls dangerously in love, every turn is leading eventually, of course, to a troubled loner named Lee Harvey Oswald and to Dallas, where the past becomes heart-stoppingly suspenseful, and where history might not be history anymore. Time-travel has never been so believable. Or so terrifying. So. So. Good. :001_wub: (Except for the missing pages). LOL.

Thanks for all the input, all. As an update, I did not send the aide a letter. I did end up calling the supervisor, who called me back today. We talked, and she said the aides used to get X amount of dollars a week that they could use toward their outings with their clients and so on, but now they are no longer able to get any money at all toward their outings. So most of them look to do free and low cost things with their clients when it comes to the recreational outings. She said she worried she'd even lose some staff over this, but hasn't so far. With that said, she said that this person absolutely should NOT have asked my daughter to pay for ANY of her meals or anything like that. Even if this person took it upon herself to treat to some lunches and snacks while at her house and such of her own accord, she never should have then asked my daughter to pay for her meals or give her money for ANYTHING. She was very surprised to hear this and agreed that it was just not appropriate. She asked me if I knew how many times it happened because she was even speculating aloud about whether I would want the aide to reimburse us (I didn't, I said my daughter told me of at least two times but that I didn't know if it had come up other times that she didn't tell me about). She told me if I wanted to drop this person and just use the others, I could (I said I was going to think on this a bit more and let her know). She said she is going to talk to the aide to hear what she has to say/her side of the story, and she's going to call me back within the next few days to let me know what she said, and to find out whether I want to drop her or continue with her. At this point, I just feel like things are going to be totally awkward between us if nothing else, though. Blah.

You know, it depends. I don't necessarily agree that we have to pay for other peoples' kids every time we bring them somewhere. If it was like my kid's birthday and she wanted to have a friend come somewhere with her, then I'm way more likely to treat. But if we're just going on a family outing and she's begging, "Please please please can I bring a friend," that doesn't mean I necessarily want to have to pay for said friend. Although it would depend on what it was. If it was a day at the lake and we were just packing a picnic lunch and food to grill and were going to buy ice cream at the concession stand, sure, I'd treat. If she had a friend sleeping over and I decided to order pizza, sure, I'd treat. If she was begging to take a friend along to an amusement park, I'm not buying another kid's ticket on top of my family's, that's too expensive. In that case, I'd go with Pauline's suggestion and lay out the expectations up front when I issued the invitation and tell the parent, "We're going to be doing this on such and such a date, dd is asking of she can bring a friend along, if your dd would like to go she is more than welcome, she would need to bring along money for her ticket and a few dollars for spending money, let me know! :) " kind of thing. I think it is fine either way as long as you make your expectations clear up front. If it was a case where a particular family had paid for my child to go to the movies despite my sending money along, then I'd be more likely to do the same with them, but I'd always send money along for my child and never just expect another family to pay for my child just because my child was allowed to tag along with a friend. Kids want friends to go places with them all the time, that doesn't mean my child became the family's honored guest all of a sudden and needs to have all expenses paid by that family. It just means kids are really good at going pleasepleaseplease can I bring a friend and sometimes parents go well, okay.

Oh, he's precious!

Oh, no, lol. Everyone chooses their own books and posts what they are reading that week. Some just post titles, some do reviews or a bit of commentary. It IS a good thread to get book ideas and such! And a good way to stay motivated to keep finding time to read, even if you don't quite make 52 books in a year! (and to me it's not so much about "fixating on a number," it's about being encouraged to constantly make time to read)! Like someone else said, there were people who accomplished it and people who didn't last time, but so what? There was no prize for doing it. No penalty for not doing it. The fun was in participating!

Congrats!! :)

No, I don't really want a new thread, I was posting more for fun, but my selections do usually feel way more, well, fluffy than everyone else's! :D

No? Just me? :P I gamely post on the 52 Books thread most weeks. But you are all probably way too intellectual for me lol. You're all always reading something really, well, smart. And I'm reading, well, fun. Laurel K. Hamilton and J.R. Ward (you know, vampire erotica and stuff), and Stephen King (I'm loving 11/22/63 right now...LOVING it)... but I feel like an invisible alien half the time posting what I'm reading in that thread lol. Last year it was all kid's books, and this year it's mostly just fluff so far heh. (Not that I seriously wanted to start another book a week thread. I'm just blathering lol). Anyone else out there like what I like? :D

I PM'd you about this particular service and another that we use... We had to do an intake as well, they came and had us fill out all sorts of forms and met with us and my daughter and asked a billion questions about her abilities and needs and so on and so forth, and then they tell us about all the different types of services they provide and we can select which ones we are interested in. We use this thing where she goes out a few hours a week, and we use another program where she does a monthly adult recreation program, but there are all sorts of things available from more of a babysitting/respite care to vocational training to living facilities to sheltered workshops and so on and so forth. And this particular agency isn't the only one in the sea, there are a bunch of them. You could google mental health services for your state or county or mental retardation services or whatever best suits what you are looking for and see if you can find some sort of agency or advocacy place that you can call, and you'll find someone who can at least point you in the right direction if you'd like to start getting some services- there are lots of free services!

The "charter" in Charter Day refers to the charter King Charles II of Great Britain granted Pennsylvania founder William Penn on March 4, 1681. It's typically celebrated the second Sunday in March, and admission to various museums and historical places of interest statewide is often free.

Right, I don't ask them to take her to specific places. They both agree on things to do together. My daughter can make suggestions but so can the aide, and they agree together on what to do that day. My daughter can't insist, "I want to go to the movies or theme park" or something expensive and the aide has to go "okay, if you say so." My daughter's very easy going and can be persuaded to do pretty much anything, really...like I said, she just likes being with people and going out, so she'll say yes to pretty much anything suggested. She just really wanted to see Twilight, the movies were a one time thing. Often the aide will make suggestions and say, "I was thinking we'd go to the library and to get some lunch and go over to my house to do a craft, does that sound good?" and my daughter will go, "Okay." Or the aide will go, "Do you want to do anything special today?" and my daughter might go, "I don't know, the mall for pizza and to get my nails painted?" and the aide might say sure and they'll go do that. Or sometimes the aide might say there's a football game at the high school or I heard of an event at the mall or such and such and they go do that. We never tell them they have to go to a specific place.

Yeah, see, in my case I was told up front that the whole point of this was to go on social and recreational outings while working on skills/goals and that I was just to pay my daughter's way. In your case you had an understanding up front that you would pay the staff's way, too, so it's different. When things changed for my person's case, where supposedly they stopped getting reimbursed, there was still no statement handed down where clients were told "You guys have to start paying your caretakers' way"... instead it was more of an issue where the caretakers' had to pay their own way and not get reimbursed, and so they started looking for more free or low cost things to do if they didn't want to spend that much money. Which is fine! But for her instead to start telling my daughter, "You need to buy my lunch, my ticket" etc when the agency never told me that and the other staff isn't doing that and she never discussed it with me other than regarding the movie ticket (and to be honest she only "discussed" it with me that time because I texted her and inquired about the fact that she told my daughter she would need about $30 that night and that my daughter had said she would need to buy her ticket too) is just unsettling and seems inappropriate to me. It would have been way different if the expectations up front were if you want them to do paid things you have to pay so and so's way, too, you know? Those are both very good points! About my daughter not knowing how not to get taken advantage of and the woman not necessarily helping with that, but also about the woman maybe needing help coming up with activity ideas. I look into stuff all the time, things around here to do with kids that are free, low cost, going on in the community and so on. But she probably doesn't do that and may not even know how to. So like I said, I'm going to spend more time myself looking into ideas and making specific suggestions for them. I think I will call my services coordinator and ask him about policy and how it works with reimbursement and fees and such and find out if what she is doing is strictly against policy and what she's supposed to get reimbursed for and what she isn't these days, but ask him not to say anything to the supervisor about it, that for now I will handle it on my own by talking to the aide and see what happens (unless it turns out that she's doing something she's totally not supposed to and he feels he HAS to address it or something)!. After I hear what he has to say, I will likely send some version of the email I just showed you guys to her and take it from there.

This is a state-wide organization that hires these people and sets us up with them for an agreed upon number of hours each week (5 hours in our case). They screen them, hire them, call me up and say we have somebody for you, we'll bring them out to meet you, and if you like them, they'll start taking your daughter out on Saturdays. Let us know a few skills/goals you want them to work on with her, let us know what kinds of things your daughter likes to do, give your daughter some money for her outing, and they'll go have a social outing and work on some of those skills and goals, and that's about the extent of how that works. It's not really babysitting, or somebody I hire. I don't pay for this service other than to pay for my daughter's outing; it's a non-profit organization I believe so I don't even know how they get their funding or pay their employees, but it's not by charging me. I just pay my daughter's way and didn't expect to pay her 'direct care worker's' way, too.

That's exactly what I was thinking. I just imagine that if I ever had a job where I had to take a special needs person out and I had to take them to lunch, I couldn't even fathom asking them to spend their money to buy MY food. I could never do it. I'd buy my own food, just like I would if I was still working at my secretarial job and was out on my lunch break, or if I was at any other job and had to feed myself on my lunch break. And if I felt I didn't want to spend money on McD's, I wouldn't eat. I'd wait until i got home and make my own lunch, or I'd have had the forethought to pack a lunch or a snack, or I'd just buy myself a coffee or yogurt parfait or some such so I wasn't starving and wait it out. But telling them, "You need to buy my meal today?" I just can't imagine. I would never. And she never even said to me, the parent, in advance, "Just so you know, I'm going to have to make arrangements where your daughter will need to take care of some of my meals because of this, or just so you know we're trading off this and that, is that okay," she just told my daughter she had to do it. It only came up because I asked her if she had change, and she told me only about a dollar, and I asked her, "Well, how much were the movies you bought?" And she said, "$4.00." And I said, "Well, how much was McDonalds?? You said that was all you did today, right?" And then she was like, "I had to buy so and so's lunch, too...." And then later it came up that last time she'd bought her pizza, too...

It did cross my mind. I just feel bad, like I'd be firing somebody or breaking up with them lol. I know she has a full time job outside of this and has other clients aside from my daughter and would probably just fill in my daughter's hours with somebody else's but it's still hard not to feel bad about it. I don't know. Maybe I'll try the letter first and if I don't get a good response or it continues to be an issue after that, I'll do that though. I kind of equate it to somebody who has a regular 9-5 job who has to figure out what to do over their lunch break. They can either 1) Go out to eat and pay for their own lunch or 2) Pack a lunch. They can't go out to eat and ask their boss to reimburse them for their lunch since they had to pay for it while they were working, though. :P

No...and I'm trying not to make it confusing for you guys, but it's actually TWO other aides lol...they are actually a relatively new development. She used to only go out with this one woman, but then my daughter went to her dad's in NY over the summer and the woman took on another client and could only take my daughter every other week, and for some reason the agency assigned TWO new aides, who switch off on the alternate weeks. So she sees this main woman every two weeks, an then on the alternate weeks she sees one of the new ones one time, and the other new one another time... I have no idea why, I think they were both newer hires that they were just trying to give hours to. They both seem pretty nice but they're also both pretty new and so my daughter's only been out with each of them a handful of times so far and so they were probably hired after that became an issue to begin with. My daughter says they both pay for their own meals and expenses all the time. Neither of them have asked her to pay their way for anything and neither of them have said anything to me about money.

What if I just contact her via email and say something like: Hi, We are trying to work on family budgeting and on having Melissa work on her own budgeting as well, as a life skill. I understand that you have been sort of trading back and forth with her, where sometimes you buy groceries and feed her lunch at your house at your expense, and other times you have her buy you lunch out in return. To keep things cost-effective for us as a single-income family with three kids, and to help Melissa learn to the best of her ability how to work on her own budget, I need to ask that from now on, Melissa's money only be used on herself each week, unless we make special arrangements in advance, such as when she wanted to see Twilight with you. Likewise, I know things have gotten tougher for you as well since the state stopped doing reimbursements for direct care workers, so I do not want you to have to use any of your money to pay for groceries or other provisions for her, either. I understand that sometimes Melissa may want a fast food meal or meal out that you may not have budgeted for for yourself that week, and if that is the case, please feel free to request that she get it to go so that you can prepare your lunch at home or so that you can pack a lunch for yourself if you guys wanted to have a picnic or whatever your plans are for that day. If your plan is to have perogies or something at home for yourself when Melissa is with you, maybe she can just grab herself a sub or something to bring back to the house, or a Lunchable or some such if you're in the grocery store. I can also start packing her a snack, so that you do not have to provide snacks for her if that tends to be an issue at your house. Regarding outings and things to do, I know it can be hard to find low cost or free things to do, especially in the colder months! I am going to start trying to look more in the free papers and online sites to see if I can notice anything coming up that you guys might be able to do. For instance, next weekend there is a free puppet show at the mall at 11, and the weekend after that at the mall there is an education expo from 10-2 where local schools, libraries and Child Development are setting up stands with activities, crafts and displays. I will get March's free paper to see what is coming up after that. I also have some free passes for bowling. And Melissa enjoys spending some time at the animal shelter. Maybe they'd let you guys visit with the cats, help walk the dogs and so on. And with the warmer weather coming up, she could use some exercise and maybe some walks and picnics and the lake would be nice, too! Times you end up back at your house crafts are good for fine motor skills (I know you guys often like doing crafts together), and if you wanted to work on other life skills with her, too, that would be great- using knives (even with play dough), if you have board games that involve counting money or something like that, she can do something like that, and so on. Once in a while instead of spending money on a fast food meal, perhaps she can buy the ingredients for a simple meal that she can prepare or mostly prepare on her own as a goal that she can work on. She loves to write (letters, diary entries etc), and I know you guys were doing a scrapbooking thing for a while, maybe she can do a sort of journaling thing and toward the end of the day she can do a little journal entry of what she did that day or something. I'm fine with her doing things that cost money sometimes but like I've said before it's good for her too to know that she doesn't always have to spend money, and that way you aren't always obligated to spend money each week, either! Nancy --- Or something like that...?

See, I don't think it's reasonable for her to expect us to pay for her lunch every week. Taking my daughter out is her job and the hours do happen to include lunch time but that shouldn't mean we have to pay for her lunch all the time. She has options, which include: buying her own lunch, asking my daughter to get the lunch to go instead of sitting there with it, bringing a snack along and just keeping my daughter company but not eating the fast food lunch and then eating her own meal afterward, bringing her own brown bag lunch in (I highly doubt the McD's workers would notice or care if one person at a table was eating a brown bag lunch while the other ate a McD's value meal), etc, but I don't think telling her special needs client and her family to pay for her lunch should be one of those options. My daughter also just told me that last time they went out (they went to a winter carnival pageant thing which was an evening event and I sent money for my daughter's ticket and a pizza dinner) that the woman had her buy her pizza that night, too. Yep, same one. Also the same one who let her get fake nails put on one time and then came home and said "You guys owe me extra for this, she didn't have enough." And let her spend money she didn't have on lotions and said, "You guys owe me extra for this, she didn't have enough." We did resolve that issue (although it took a couple of attempts/conversations) and that letting her overspend hasn't been a problem anymore but now this is a separate issue. She actually only sees this woman every other week now and someone else on the alternate weeks...I don't know if I should work to resolve this issue, try to just switch away from this woman, or what. My daughter likes her, but my daughter likes everybody. She just likes the chance to be social period. She doesn't care who with as long as the person is nice to her. I always hesitate to call the service coordinator or the supervisor because I don't want to get anyone in trouble or make anything awkward between my daughter and the person she goes out with. And I know, it is hard to find things to do. They usually go to the library, look around the thrift shop, have lunch, do some sort of craft and/or watch a movie at her house, if they can find some community event going on, they do that. I'm going to start looking more in the free events paper and online to see if I can find things going on in the community that are free or low cost to see if I can point these workers in the direction of things going on that they can maybe do with my daughter. Like I know next Saturday there's a puppet show at the mall. My daughter likes to go to the pet shelter and see the animals. She likes bowling and I have some free passes. I did ask the supervisor to see if she could maybe find them any volunteer opportunities, but I guess that isn't easy. Maybe with the warmer weather coming on they can do some walks and picnics and such. I think some of you are right that I should at least make a call and find out if there's an official "policy" on this stuff.

My 20 y/o special needs daughter is in a program where she goes out with someone for five hours a week (each Saturday) to work on some skills/goals and for a social outing. Sometimes they go to an event, sometimes they just go to the library and out to lunch and to do a bit of shopping, sometimes they end up back at the woman's house doing some crafts or watching a movie, it's not always easy to find a way to fill the five hours, especially in the colder weather. The woman gets paid of course from the company she works for, and I send money for my daughter each week for her lunch and spending money. It used to be that the woman would get reimbursed for certain things she did. Now she says they no longer get reimbursed for entrance fees and so on, so I guess she tends to look for more free and low cost things to do, which is fine. A few months ago, my daughter asked if they could go see the Twilight movie when it came out and the woman said only if my daughter paid for her ticket, too. I was a bit caught off guard by that but the woman explained, via text: "I told Melissa if she wanted to do the movies she would need to purchase my ticket because the state stopped the reimbursements for direct care staff. I try to find low cost things to do and all activities we have done since the law passed July 1st I have paid my own way. I try to make it fair to my clients by providing meals like pierogies and tacos with Melissa and snacks and drinks. Also there are times my mileage is over 30 miles and I only get reimbursed up to 30 miles and at a rate 10 cents below the federal standard." So I thought OK I guess the lady is providing meals for my daughter sometimes instead of going out to eat when they hang out at her house, so fine I'll buy her movie ticket. And I did. Today, my daughter came home and said she'd had McDonald's for lunch and had bought some used movies for $4.00 at the thrift store and she'd gone on some of the woman's errands with her and they'd watched a movie at the woman's house. She had a dollar and change back from the $20.00 I'd given her. It turned out she said the woman had made her buy HER lunch at McDonald's, too. My initial reaction was why in the world would she make my daughter (or ME, really) buy her McDonalds? I am supposed to be sending money for MY DAUGHTER'S meals, not to buy this adult woman who is doing her job lunch, too. But then I said, "Well, she would probably say that she's been providing you some meals like perogies at her house recently for lunch. Is that it?" Then my daughter said, "Well sometimes we go shopping and I buy the perogies, too, we take turns buying it when we eat at her house." This just isn't sitting right with me. Am I over-reacting, or is it inappropriate? I don't feel I should be financially responsible for anybody other than my child (nor do I really feel this woman should be financially responsible for anybody other than herself). I have no idea how she's going about figuring out who is paying for what and when and how but it feels pretty random and informal and not exactly appropriate to me. How do I go about putting a stop to it and arranging it so that this woman provides her own meals and I only pay for my daughter's without sounding like I'm being rude or trying to get her in trouble? I feel a little awkward but I don't want it to continue like this. How can I say it in a matter-of-fact, polite, professional sounding way? If they go to a restaurant, the woman should pay for herself, right? If she doesn't want to spend money at a restaurant and that's what my daughter wants to eat, she should just let my daughter pick some up to take back to her house and the woman can eat whatever she has at home, right? If the woman wants to go to a grocery store and make something that day, my daughter should just have the option to pick up a sub or a "Lunchable" or what have you, right? It just seems too complicated for her to go "You chip in for our lunch today" (especially since sometimes the woman's 15 year old daughter is at home eating the perogies or whatever, too). It's just too confusing. (Let's not get into the nutrition aspect for today lol, these Saturday lunches are like her treat). Anyway, thoughts welcome!

Here's a site that explains some of the theories on how Intercourse got its name: http://www.amishnews.com/towns/intercoursehistory.htm

Am I the only one who purposely avoids going virtually anywhere on Charter Day like the plague? I can only imagine how dreadfully crowded all those places must be. It's a weekend, AND it's free. It's a nice concept but I'd rather pay and go on a much less crowded (week)day lol.

Congrats!!! :party:

I passed the funeral home again today. They had fake miniature pine tree looking things in each window. One was purple, one was pink. There were big pouffy fake paper chrysanthemum looking flowers dangling down over each of them. Pink, I think. That place is just SO weird.