Here are some other threads you might want to read through; this has been discussed before. Courtship? Question for those with courtship experience I need opinions on courting -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Here's what I wrote previously on this topic: I chose a courtship type lifestyle for myself. It was more about the attitude of my heart than a list of rules. It was simply me walking out my beliefs. I didn't do a Bible study on it, or read a book, or even get counseled to do things this way. Those things are great, and I like that they are helping people to look at dating from another perspective, but I just didn't have any of that. Courtship is certainly not a tennet of my denomination. My reasoning seemed straightforward enough to me. I believed God created me. I believed God knew the beginning from the end. I believed God wanted me to ask Him about anything and everything I wanted to do with my life. I believed He had a plan for my life. I believed His choices for my life would always be better than mine. Where He led, I would follow. Therefore, God already knew who I was supposed to marry. He knew, and I was confident He would let me know when I had met that someone. I didn't have to worry about somehow missing them, so long as I stayed close to the Lord. I didn't have to worry about shopping around. It was about simply trusting the Lord. Also, I believed sex was a beautiful thing intended exclusively for marriage. I believed that many things other than intercourse itself qualify as fornication. I believed you shouldn't be trying to turn someone on - or get turned on by them - unless their name is on your marriage certificate. Therefore I certainly wasn't going to put myself in situations where physical contact would go too far. Along those same lines, I thought it would be disrespectful for me to get deeply emotionally involved with someone I didn't think the Lord was leading me to marry. He would be married to someone else one day. I didn't feel it was right to get romantically entangled with someone else's husband. I believed marriage was an honorable institution, worthy of respect. I believed God loved marriage and that He placed the desire for lifelong intimacy with another person in almost all of us. Therefore I was confident that God wanted me to get married. (If He didn't I was confident He would take the overwhelming desire away.) If He did, then He would make it happen in His good time. Furthermore, I believed marriage was a weighty decision with life-long implications for myself, my family, and my community. Therefore I was not going to marry someone my parents did not approve of. I was going to listen to the multitude of godly counselors I had in my life with regard to any man I was interested in. This also meant, for me, that my job up until I was lead to the person I should marry was to grow and mature. I didn't put my life on hold while I ran around looking, hoping, longing, and waiting for my future husband to be revealed to me. I continued to live life, to grow in the Word, to put aside more of the old man. All these decisions of mine add up to what courtship often looks like. I didn't have specific rules about not going out alone with a man, but I can see why others do. There were no specific injunctions against kissing or hand-holding, but I can see why some choose these. I had my own "rules" that were borne out of my knowledge of my weaknesses. And I'm so glad I did things the way I did. I will certainly encourage my children to do the same.

Since we're speaking hypothetically, I see myself going from guide to mentor and then sounding board. I try to look at it this way: I want my parents to be respectful of me as an individual. It grates my nerves (or did) when they tried to plan for me. Trying to please them (by looking at lucrative jobs) only delayed getting a degree in something I really loved doing and was somewhat competent at. (I'm very average.) So, remembering how I want my parents to treat me, an adult, I would reach toward getting to that same place with my kids. The transistion during those late teen years could be hard - going from in-charge-Mom to Mom-the-friend. I've watched a friend handle things this way and it's wonderful. Depending on age and circumstances I might do my best to influence them to a different path, if I thought the path they were heading down was somehow wrong. For me, income is not a primary factor in a career choice, so I would not persuade based on that. However, I also would not support my kids into adulthood without specific stipulations. I do not think parents should be open checkbooks forever for their kids. My dad said 18 was it. When I hit 18 I was responsible for supporting myself. For the most part that held true, but, since I was a college student he let me stay at home rent-free for two years. Once I had my job, and I was showing myself to be a responsible adult, he let me move back in for low rent. My job was very low-paying. I intend to do something similar with my kids. I won't be around forever to keep writing them checks. They need to learn to be independent, responsible adults. If they choose a low-paying career, they need to live a low-income lifestyle. I will not make them dependent on me to live a life that's bigger and more expensive than they could actually handle. I get to spoil my grandkids. ;) And if they choose a lucrative career, I expect some nice gifts. :) I did carry them for nine months! I just can't think this way. Education is never a waste. I cannot tell how many times I have read or watched the story of some exceptioal person's life and heard that they were a really great student - and then chose to do something that didn't pay much but greatly interested them. They're education was a great boon to them and set them apart in their field. They ended up being great, even though they were never rich. If my kids are actually doing something - not sitting around mooching off of others - then they are putting their education to work. And who knows what might come of it?

Since you're taking a poll: yes. Although what you think of as a spanking may not be what I'm thinking of. This is not meant to be snarky, and I have to put that disclaimer on because this really could be read that way. But, if you think about it, spanking has worked for centuries as a tool to teach obedience. (ETA) The Amish are some of the sweetest, kindest people I know. They spank.

I hope you've misread something. Because if the whole pancake syrup thing is a metaphor for something else, I'd probably like to recind my vote. :tongue_smilie:

:iagree:

Ok, I've definitely missed something that was going on around here... Anyway, about your list, OP, um....how do I say this...you're a bit touchy in my book. I agree with ya on the mailman thing. I've had "Do Not Bend" envelopes bent to fit in my mailbox. I complained and was told "Do Not Bend" is just a suggestion. The post office is not required to comply. :001_huh: I know everyone has some things that bother them...but to have all those things bother you, and more besides...are you PMSing, maybe? JMO, of course.

In my experience talking about these things before marriage is not common. At least they are not seriously talked about and seriously thought over. I speak from the perspective of looking around at my extended family, my friends in high-school, and the friends I have now. Some of us took these things seriously and discussed them. Some of us got good premarital counseling. Most of the people in my circle did not. At least they didn't the first time around...

Thanks, Rich with Kids, for starting this. :) Here's mine: Three's a Crowd Eat more cookies, CookieMonsterKatrina

Wow, I've never heard of this. I guess I should change the way I send gift-cards.

I pour then cut, so that's what I chose. I cut one bite-sized piece (or so) at a time. But, for my kids, who still need theirs cut for them, I cut first and then pour. I think that's because I'm cutting up a whole pancake at one time. Trying to cut an entire pancake into small pieces when it's already been coated with syrup would be difficult.

Wait, wait! I just realized where you live. Can I just say our local postal system is awful? I can? Thanks. You do know that the Chicago hub of the postal service is considered the worst in the country?

Ditto (this part). I cannot speculate how I would behave if I really had the money to buy books on a whim. My guess is that I would. At least I would most of the time. Being wage-impaired has taught me to read between the lines really well on book descriptions. I'm also a crotchety old lady who's stuck in her ways. I'm therefore not always impressed with something others are raging about. And the money I don't spend on books I can spend on chocolate. ;)

I second this. If you don't report it, they can't start working on the problem.

:001_smile:

Wow, what a compliment! Thank you! I don't feel like a great photographer at all. But, I do try. Photography is this huge, money-sucking hobby. I just can't invest in it like I would love to. ;)

It's Grapevine Studies. If they choose me, I'll be doing a review for them. I'm very excited at the prospect of using their curriculum, since I've also struggled in finding something that really feels right. I like the looks of their stuff.

If you're interested, come on over to my blog: C is for Cookie. Thanks and good luck! :001_smile:

This has become me too. If I buy used I want to pay, ppd, 50% of the original price (with rare exceptions). Call me cheap if you like, but in my experience people way overvalue their used stuff. I don't have a double standard. When selling my items, I price them at 50% of the orignal price PPD - or less. I don't know, it just seems like the right thing to do.

My husband is from the rural midwest and this practice is common and expected. For the pastor not do so would be considered very rude. It's a cultural thing. Think of it as being asked to take off your shoes in a Japanese home. It's just their way. I'll admit though that it took me a long time to get used to such ways. But, I'm glad I did. Private person that I am, it's really nice to be part of a community.

Hey look, you made it, you, Larvae, you!

Your classification in this animal world depends on your number of posts. At one time I had sat down and figured up how many posts=what ranking, for the sake of someone who was curious. But, the rules have changed since then. I *think* if you post 10 times you are no longer 'just visiting'. I'm off to check.

I took my 1-year-old to the fireworks. (he's five now) I can't decide if I'd do it again or not. He didn't scream or cry or anything. But he was definitely bothered by the loud booms. He buried his head in my chest and left it there the entire 20 minutes. But, he didn't seem any worse for wear later on.

Sorry. I guess you'll have to decide whether the shade of pink you like is closer to a red or a white.

I distinctly remember in school that everyone had the same favorite color: blue. Isn't that weird? Were we under some kind of brainwashing? Is it just cuz it's the color of water and the sky? I remember being totally surprised when I taught school and the kids picked all different colors as their favorites. So, what is your favorite color? Here's the deal: I cannot get every shade ever fathomed on the poll. So if you like lavender, pick purple. If you like emerald green, pick green. If you like teal, you'll have to decide whether you like a more blue teal or a more green teal and then pick either blue or green. Who knows what kind of strange demographic information we'll come up with. :)

I had to break the rules about timeouts with my oldest. Instead of the standard age=time I had to have him stay in timeout until his attitude changed. Sometimes that was a minute. Sometimes he stayed in timeout for ten or fifteen minutes. If I didn't make him stay until he got over himself, he would go directly back and do it again. Just a thought.