We're in a bit of disorder. We started in December, so grade-wise, we're everywhere. He is, technically, going into 3rd grade, but we started so many subjects at the first grade level that we're just hoping to be "caught up" by fourth grade. English: WWE 2 - 3 (we should be caught up by September) FLL 2 -3 (same here) Spelling Workout 3 Reading... We're going to work through my E. B. White books and then go from there Math: We're using workbooks right now, but I am really hoping to trip over a hundred or so dollars and be able to get Saxon Math 3 Languages: Latina Christiana I (we should be done with Prima Latina by mid-summer) Hey Andrew! Greek 2 (one more week of the alphabet left!) History: Sotw 2 (we'll be done with the Ancients this summer) Science: Adventures with Atoms and Molecules (Chemistry) and we're memorizing the periodic table.

:lol: OP, totally normal boy stuff. It makes me uncomfortable when my dss pretend to kill each other, but my husband assures me this is totally normal.

:lol: To the OP... The first time I was asked this, I was not sure how to take it. I ended up asking, 'how do you mean?' After that, there was a lot of back and forth over the definition of 'teacher.' My thought was (and is), I teach my dcs, so, yes, I am a teacher. I even have a nifty sheet of paper from the school board, giving me permission to teach them, and a card (doesn't that make it official?) from HEAV so I can get a teacher discount.

Are there any activities locally? Do kids live in the same area as you? There are some things we drive to the next county for, swimming is one, but otherwise, I go with the less than fantastic facilities available here (there is no indoor pool available in our county). Even if it's not as great, Karate's held at the American Legion bldg, all of the sports fields are pretty sub par, at least we're close to the people the dcs play with. Where do you live, if you don't mind my asking?

Also, with sports, you have to take a lot of the work of creating friendships on yourself. IOW, offer to drive a couple of the kids to practice, or take them to dinner, try to make play dates on the weekends. Otherwise, you're right, the kids will never get a chance to be friends. That's why I suggested scouts, with campouts and all the other things they do, they'll make friends.

Have you tried scouts? Girl scouts, boy/cub scouts do a lot of things together, you don't have to be religious (although there are a few things they do that concern religion), and ime the kids get to be close friends.

I've been an addict since I was sixteen, iow, right about the time I went back to school after having dd. I love the smell, the taste, the warmth, everything about coffee. Oh, and I'm one of those people that drinks it to relax... so I have a cuppa before bed to help me sleep. I do worry that one day I'll go to the doc's and they'll tell me I need to cut back (or, horrors, quit)... I think I could quit smoking before I could quit coffee, lol.

I don't rely on coffee, per se... I do drink about 1 1/2 to 2 pots a day... but that's because I LOVE it. I'm not addicted. Really. I can quit any time I want too. Of course, unless coffee stops tasting so yummy, I can't see any reason to quit in the forseeable future. :D

Wow, that's great! I loved the book.

Ah, okay... I was worried that I was coming across completely opposite to what I'm trying to express.........

I'm worried that I'm parenting based on fear. That's why it keeps coming up, that's why I posted this, because I wanted to know a. if I was the only one and b. if there were parents that let their kids play without fear. It's a label I've slapped on myself and am now trying to remove. How does this work? I have no idea what attachment parenting is, lol, so I don't really have a comparison for this. Is it that "the family" is considered in everything? IOW, 'you want a wii, but how does this effect our family?' Or are the kids included in more aspects of the family business (see income, bills, etc).

I edited your post down, to make it easier to see my point, lol. It's extremely difficult to call someone on this, because one person's choice is another's neglect. While I agree, they ask, they open that can of worms, I'm not so sure about the honesty/nicety part. An honest opinion is still an opinion and obviously, if I feel like a ten yo should be reading and they apparently didn't until the day they decided to post, we already have a difference of opinions. IOW, a dissenting opinion can usually be seen as a difference of style... seems like a pointless cycle to jump into. So, why call them on it, if it's not going to make a difference either way, except that you could get deleted... and I like being here.

My youngest is... "active" iykwIm. He "obeys" his older brother about as well as he "obeys" dh. DD, however, has him wrapped around her little finger, he listens to her. My brother and I were two years apart. Mom never left him in charge (I'm the youngest) per se, but she would leave us to take care of eachother. If your kids are close in age, that might be accomplished easier than having one in charge of the other. Lol, whenever I mow the lawn or want (imagine this) privacy, I leave the kids in charge of each other. They either get along or end up in a stalemate that lasts until I'm done doing whatever I needed to do. IOW, it's possible.

I won't hold my breath for that, lol. My parents attended lots of things when we (my sibs and I) were little and I mostly remember wishing Mom would've stayed home... Lol, now that I think about it, she drove me nuts being there "cheering." Of course, I tell them I'm proud of them, but I try to let them know they should take pride in themselves. Who knows, it could be some parenting expert mumbo jumbo, but I know I need outside affirmation and I do not want my kids to be like me in this regard. not so much. Andrew is trying very hard for independance now. I am his Den Leader and his behavior at Scouts leaves something to be desired. Swimming, however, is done with me at the other end of the pool with the baby (yes, I know he's 2, but he's still my baby) and he behaves beautifuly there... until I'm visible, lol. Then it's 'hey Mom look!' and ignoring the coach. I've already said, I require outside affirmation. Left to my own devices, I would disappear into the library, never to see the light of day again. Could you explain 'family centered?' I've never heard of it (I don't normally read parenting manuals). Again, I've never said to just chuck your kids out into the world. The idea is that at some point they are ready for more responsibility and independance, and we, as parents, need to give them that. My 2yo is not walking to the mail box any year soon. That's why I tried to stay light, what with the hint-hint.. etc.

I think some of the 'sure, take a week off' stems from assuming the best. I assume that a parent who is at their wit's end has been teaching their dcs all along and further assume that a week off will give mom/dad the time they need to fix their schedule and the dcs a week to decompress. I will admit, when I read about older kids that don't read or are really far behind, I don't comment. I don't comment, because I have nothing..... positive to say and, imo, negative comments don't do too much more than spur on more negative comments. I want to agree with the OP, but there are so many *special* cases that I can't. The purpose of hsing, imo, is to teach your dcs in the best way possible, everything you think they need for adulthood. If some find that reading is minor, then, as much as I cringe to type this, that is their opinion, they're teaching their own dcs and it's not for me to say they're wrong.

This is one area that I need to work on. Not.being.child.centered. I go to every.single.thing. my kids are involved in. I go, I pay attention, I cheer, sometimes I even video tape. Now, I've been super careful to switch to 'you should be proud of yourself' rather than 'I am proud of you.' The implications, supposedly, being that the dcs need to learn how to do things for their own edification, rather than to make me proud. I think I'm going to step way back on attendance now. It's occured to me that by making my world revolve around theirs I'm doing them a disservice. Why? Well, because, eventually, I want my world to go back to revolving around dh, and when that happens, when I'm not hanging on their every grade and every raise, will they be able to be happy doing these things? IOW, I don't want my kids shacking up or hooking up because they need outside approval. Did I do good? How will I know unless someone else tells me? I do this. I don't want THEM to do this too. I've just seen lots of these threads devolve into, "I'm a better mother than you" "What kind of mother ARE you?" And I hated to see this one jettison down that track. As for your concerns. I'm not saying that all kids should be tossed outside right now. I'm worried that I'm stiffling my kids, because of fears that are not grounded in reality. I am worried that my kids are missing out on all that thinking and learning and growing that happens when they're AWAY from me, off on their own. I wanted to know if other moms felt this way, if anyone else LET their kids live the carefree life I did as a kid. I want my kids to learn to be happy with nothing. IOW, I want them to see the woods and be able to imagine all the things we've learned in history, to imagine all the books they read and to LIVE them, like I did as a kid. I want them to have a quiet secret place, that isn't really secret, but maybe you know what I mean, where they can go ALONE out in the world and be by themselves. I want them to gather their friends and go on "adventures"... and yeah, I want their laughter to be loud and their shrieks to tick of various elderly neighbors and I want them to be enjoying life while they do it.

She (the author) actually recommend "Protecting the Gift." I'm going to see if I can get it once our finances stop dropping. I just didn't want this to get into the nasty, I'm a better mother than you area, and that particular post was a little more aggressive iykwIm. I was trying to diffuse it. More fun with statistics (not for Heather per se, but for anyone who thinks [like I do] what if my kid WAS that .000003%): A child is 40x more likely to die in a car crash, 80-90x more likely to be molested by someone they know and 10x as many kids are killed by fires at home... than are kidnapped by strangers. IOW, it's a scary stinking world, but our kids (in the US) are safer outside, alone, than they are with us, driving to destinations or sitting in a house with an appliance that could go at any moment, or going to spend the night with a relative. Frankly, I trust my parents, my in-laws, my sibs and I am 100% sure my kids are not going to by injured by them. I trust my driving and the only accident I've had while driving was being backed into by someone trying to converse with someone going the opposite direction. Also..... well, no, we're REALLY paranoid about fires. Appliances get unplugged or breakers get turned off. We do use a real tree for Christmas, but it's infront of a set of sliding doors and the hope is, we can shove it outside pretty quick. You know, it really ticks me off that we (parents) have been made to fear some of the most unlikely scenerios. That fear also keeps us, oftentimes, me at least, from giving our kids the knowledge they NEED for when they HAVE to be amongst strangers, out on their own. Eventually, we HAVE to let go. BTW, I would strongly recommend the Cub Scouts guide for personal safety. There's things in that I would've never warned my dcs about. Also, there's a group called ASSERT Super Kids (I'm still looking for them, but they sound good :) ) that teaches everyone how to stay safe from creeps.

Things have been really friendly up to this point (hint, hint, nudge, nudge ;) ;) ) The point of the book is that things ARE safe today, at least as safe as they were when we were kids. Also, with the local bullies... have you shooed them away? I'm wondering, because they're on YOUR property and I know I wouldn't put up with that.

I think you trying to be nice might've gotton you the hairy eyeball from everyone you came in contact with. No good deed goes unpunished. You were being responsible, but with so many irresponsible people out there today, you came off as flaunting your possible illness. IOW, you say you have some ill people at home, those folks at the restaraunt are probably wondering if they're carrying ebola or leprosy. :grouphug: You tried.

lol, way to be proud of your guilty pleasures

We live in an area that is surrounded by water. All of my kids have had swim lessons, because of this. Here, water is unavoidable, and ironically, it makes most of the parents really lax about it. The only drownings that happen locally (in about a fifty mile radius) are people that come to visit here and haven't been raised listening to "don't go far, there's an undertow" or "watch out for the drop off" or "if you swim to the bowie you'll be run over by a boat and end up chum, chum." If I was paranoid about water, my kids wouldn't be allowed in the driveway during the spring or fall (when my driveway is under a half a foot or more of water). Also, apparently the head of the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, Ernie Allen, is trying to "debunk the myth of stranger danger." He says that it actually puts kids at greater risk, because they don't have anywhere to turn for help. A few nights ago a girl, a few counties away, was raped, while her little sister stood in the hallway, outside of the apartment and begged to be let in. It wasn't until their mother, down the hall, heard her youngest crying out that anyone knew what was going on. There was a hallway full of doors the girl could have pounded on, she could have run down the hall to home, but (as she told her gramma), she is not allowed to go anywhere alone. Granted, as parents, we might slap ourselves on the forehead and say, COMMON SENSE, but no one ever taught her that. She was also taught, very clearly, to never.ever.ever.speak.to.strangers. When I was little, I was told to find someone with a badge, a mom, or a grandma. Not that ALL strangers were dangerous, but that some were and if I met one that was, I should find another stranger, but one that fit Mom's perameters and ask for help. If everyone is a stranger, and all strangers are dangerous, then there is no where to turn if you need help and your parents aren't there. I remember my mom sitting us down and explaining how we can make a phone call without money. She was stunned when she realized, we did not know how to call home without change, we'd never heard of a collect call. It's stupid things like that, that cause so much misery. Of course, most kids today have cell phones and pay phones are incredibly hard to find, but back then, that's what you had. I've decided I really need to sit down and reevaluate all of the 'important things' I've taught my kids and make sure I'm not keeping them from ever being self-sufficient, passing on the impression that I do not trust them, or actually putting them in danger with my advice...

There are so many posts I want to respond to, but I'm in the middle of cooking dinner, so here is a vague response. Moms that let your kids do what I did as a kid.... You guys are totally inspirational. I want my dcs to have that freedom too.... hopefully I can stop helicopter momming early enough for them to get to that, lol. Moms with built in buddy systems, this is why I'm seriously considering one more pregnancy. At least my youngest dc will always have someone to go with them. Moms that keep their dcs close. I understand. I'm just worried that I'm allowing an irrational fear keep my dcs from living their lives. IOW, I don't want MY paranoia to translate into their own future social disorders or inability to care for themselves, iykwIm. Oh, and as for why we (my generation) are more filled with worry than our parents. I grew up looking at kidnapped kids at breakfast and lunch (milk carton kids). I grew up watching shows like America's Most Wanted. I grew up hearing about every stranger abduction, even some in other countries that happened to people from other countries. I grew up hearing way more about all the dangers in the world. It wasn't my parents or my friends, I wasn't kidnapped and none of the ugly stuff really happened to me until I was in my late teens and were the result of stupid decisions I made. It was the world around me broadcasting non-stop how dangerous dogs, people, planes, cars and everything else was. I'm pretty sure I'm not alone. That's where so much of my fear comes from and I'm sure it applies to (at least) some other people. Okay, back later :)

That drove me nuts, until I told dd, after the doctor finished, 'even if someone says that, that doesn't mean it's okay. Check with me first.' Of course, having read your post... I have to wonder if that was the right response. (Visions of dd as an adult, feeling guilty or wrong, because she didn't ask Mom first) Yeah, in the book, they point out that the people with baked goods are the same people you wave you daily. IOW, these are your neighbors, they aren't pining away for Halloween night, just so they can poison your kids. I felt like such a goof that I needed that pointed out to me. So, do you guys just not worry? I really need to start trusting my kids.

The author said we were creating a generation of skittish people. I hate that my kids are so aware of all the incredibly horrible things that could happen and I am really hopeing we'll move to the point where we'll know the dangers, but enjoy life anyway, iykwIm. Oh, and way to go with the camp-out! We camp a lot, but after some Animal Planet shows I begged off the last time. I really have to stop watching t.v. I understand that bears and wild cats (here it's cayotes and possibly bears, but none have been seen) are dangerous, but heck, we live here....... Even now, a million reasons why it's too dangerous for the kids to camp over night in the backyard are flooding my brain. How do you undo this type of thinking?

Has anyone else read this book? I'm reading it now and it has me wondering how much I do, as a parent, is based in fear and how much is based in reality. For instance: There are no recorded cases of children ever having been poisoned by Halloween candy in the United States. So, all that checking and fear was for.... no real reason at all. 1 in 1.5 million children are abducted and killed by strangers. The odds of an American child being kidnapped and killed by a stranger are .00007%. IOW, my kids are more likely to experience horrible side effects from random over the counter drugs than they are to be kidnapped. Yet, this fear keeps me sitting on the porch whenever they go outside and verging on a heart attack whenever they, shudder, go play with their friends. Three generations ago most parents were married teens. I cannot imagine trusting a teenager to care for my kids... except my dd, and only when I'm within running distance. I couldn't imagine letting teens care for an infant, and I was a teen mom... Crime rates nationally [for the USA] are at the same levels as they were in 1971. It's SAFER for my kids to play outside, like I did, than it was for me. Does anyone else feel like the paranoia police? I am a relaxed mom, some of the things my kids are allowed to do give other parents the willies, but I'm starting to feel like the most overprotective parent known to mankind. I also feel pretty rediculous for the majority of my fears. Would you let your 8yo go for a walk to the mailbox (2 blocks away and I can't see it from the house)? Or let your 12yo babysit? Would you let your 12yo sit for someone else? Anyway, I'm trying to reevaluate. Anyone interested can respond, you don't have to have read the book (I strongly reccomend it, though). How "free-range" are your kids?