GWOB
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Posts posted by GWOB
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Sometimes you can honor someone by refusing to put up with their $hit anymore, thus making a very clear statement that their behavior is not only harmful and hurtful to others but to themselves as well.
:iagree::iagree::iagree: :iagree: I've shared a bit about my crazy parents. The only way I can honor them is to completely remove myself from the crazy. If I go along with their little games we will all be led into sin. If I refuse to play, I am not being hurt/ tempted and they are not allowed to lie and manipulate.
Amen! That's my biggest fear as a parent.I've thought about doing just that...but I also know that any statements like that will provoke a huge raging hissy fit, and won't accomplish squat...which is why I'm thinking of just letting it go. No confrontation, no pointing out bad behaviour, just fading out.
Frankly, I'm weighing options, trying to figure out what will provoke less drama, b/c I don't need any further drama/stress than we already have.
Statements provoke drama. Informing them of what you are doing will provoke drama. Quietly removing yourself from the situation and doing what is best for you and your family will avoid drama.
:grouphug: It really stinks when our parents cannot/will not be the parents we need and want.
And in case I haven't told you before, CONGRATS on the new job! I was stalking your WTM profile for news and was so very excited to hear he got the job.
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YES!!!! I hate lice. Hate, hate, hate. My head is itching now just from reading this. My oldest had lice when she was in ps. She had attended a birthday party, complete with shared hairbrushes, 2 weeks before we found the little demons. It was awful. Not one of the other parents had the decency to call the school or other parents. I had to be the bad guy and inform the school. Another girl in her class, who had also attended this party, was also possessed/infested. We spent hours combing her hair and hand-picking the little demon spawn eggs. I. HATE. LICE.
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My son would love your boys! He is such a Star Wars nerd. For him, it's genetic. His parents are total dorks.
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Maybe an ecard with a saying from here http://www.worthyofpublishing.com/chapter.asp?chapter_ID=76927
I'm going to be the naysayer here...Call him. It's your dad and it's his birthday. A phone call means that you are thinking of him, just like a card, but nothing can replace the real contact.
It doesn't mean that you are starting up a relationship with your mom or anyone else.
It's been two years since my dad died and I miss talking to him. I didn't agree with how he bailed out my sister time and time again...and probably will never understand why. I do know that I talked with him often and I'm glad that I did.
It's my dad.
I understand where you are coming from, and I am sorry for your loss. However, my dad is just as toxic as my mom. He too has insulted me, my dh, and my kids. He just isn't the dad I need or want. I know he is the only dad I will ever have, but he just hurts me. Constantly.
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Rude. Period. This is coming from a person whose phone is essentially a third appendage.
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A card would have worked if I would have sent it earlier. If I send it now it will arrive after his birthday. Then I will be the horrible daughter that did not even have the decency to send a card on time. Basically, whatever I do it will be wrong.
Maybe a Birthday text?
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Yes yes, do this.
And wow, your family sounds almost as dysfunctional as mine.
:grouphug:
:grouphug: My family would make Jerry Springer blush.
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Stay away. Stay faaaaaaar away. These people are toxic, and it is best for you and your family to stay away from toxic.
Would you knowingly and purposely move your family next to a nuclear reactor? No? It's the same thing with toxic people.
:lol: Ummm..... Dh works at a nuclear reactor. We live 5 miles away. I feel much safer near that than I do near my psychotic family!:lol:
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This will be long, ranty, and sometimes whiny. Be forewarned.
My Dad's birthday is Saturday. I know I should call him, but I haven't spoken to him (or my mother) since before Christmas.
Before Thanksgiving my Mom went nuts. Again.:glare: My Dad was working about 7 hours away. Mom went loopy and accused Dad, who is 63, of having an affair with a close friend. Close friend lives in the same town as my parents. How my Dad was conducting this affair I just do not know. Also, my Dad has COPD. He cannot walk up a short flight of stairs without getting winded. Again, I don't know how he was conducting this affair. Anyway, Mom dragged everyone into this fight, all the while saying she didn't want to start any drama. It was a huge mess. Lots of bad names and accusations were thrown at my Dad and at me. Because everything is my fault;).
I finally had enough of being in the middle of yet another one of their fights. Mom sent me an extremely manipulative text. I told her not to contact me again until she stabilized mentally. She called me crazy and hasn't spoken to me since.
The whole time this drama was occurring, we were supposed to be planning a Christmas gathering at a cabin halfway between their place and mine. After this drama, my Dad put me in charge of making all the plans. Now, I honestly think my Dad did this to transfer the momma drama from himself to me. Mom is never satisfied with anything. She would have complained about the cabin, the location, the bed, the activities/lack of activities, etc.. Since I didn't want that drama, I backed out and decided to stay home. That's when my Dad stopped calling. I didn't play into his plans to throw me under the bus, so I was no longer useful to him.
Recently, I was beginning to think I should try to speak to them again. Nevermind the fact that they were extremely physically abusive when I was a kid. Nevermind the fact that they have always been emotionally and verbally abusive. This is just our pattern. They behave for a while and I reward them with contact. When they start crossing those boundaries, I remove myself and my kids from their lives. I should call and be a good daughter.
Here's the deal. My middle sis is knocked up. Yes, knocked up. She tried to hide her pregnancy until she finally came clean about 3 weeks ago. She, and I quote, never took a test. She just missed a few periods, got fat, and thought she had maybe 3 months to go. Never went to the doctor. Never stopped drinking and smoking (and God knows what else). Her baby daddy is a lying, cheating, drug-dealing alcoholic. Seriously. No joking here.
Thankfully, due to the lack of contact, I have not been sucked into this drama. Of course, it is still my fault. Mom told baby sis that middle sis is preggo because we always look down on her (middle sis).
I know the Christian thing to do is to call my Dad and wish him a happy birthday. But I just feel like I can't do that right now. I'm angry because my parents are bending over backwards to buy middle sis a trailer so she can have a place to live with the baby and idiot baby daddy. When I got knocked up (with future dh's kid, and dh had a job and was not a lying, cheating, alcoholic druggie) I was made to feel lower than a dog. I got every name in the book thrown at me. I received no help whatsoever.
I guess I just need some wise women to tell me I am doing the right thing by staying away. I need someone to tell me I am strong and I can still be a decent person without calling my Dad. I need a hug.
This installment of Crazytown USA has been brought to you by the letter "I" for idiots.
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What a novel idea!:glare:
Also, "No" does not expire in 20 seconds.:glare:
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(raising my hand in shame) I do. I'm not proud, but I really like that show. Even my dh likes it. I think I really fell in love with the show last season when Dia made a barely-tolerable Kanye song sound amazing. Of course, after watching the show last night, I now have Total Eclipse of the Heart stuck in my head. My family now hates me because I have been belting out that song over and over again.
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My superpowers are finding things in plain sight and putting shoes in their proper place. I am apparently the only person in the house that can open the cabinet door and dish out snacks.
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It's interesting that the thread has morphed from answering the OPs question as to whether we would leave the church over this, to whether she is correct in calling the music a worship style, to whether she is correct in going to a church that is different than other poster's churches to whether she has sin in her life. . .
Strange that this would happen on this board;):tongue_smilie:.
I stated previously that I would not leave a church over a change in worship style, but I would leave a church that ignored a large segment of the congregation. My church is currently pursuing something that I totally disagree with. However, the congregation has known about this possible plan for almost 2 years now. Presentations were made. Votes were taken. Information was provided. Anyone with an opinion for or against was heard. A large majority of the church wanted to move forward with this project. While I disagree with the project, I respect the way things were handled. I was outnumbered, so I got over it.
However, in the OP's case, things were handled poorly. It seems as though there are some behind-the-scenes issues (lovely church politics). It seems as though this is a pattern. I cannot blame the OP for wanting to leave such an environment. We all have sin in our lives, so I doubt that is her issue;). My church is not better than her church, though I will say our leaders handled our situation in a more appropriate manner. (They're Lutherans. It takes FOREVER to change anything.) Music IS a worship style. My dh hates contemporary worship music that takes forever. It is a roadblock for him. That is a valid feeling and should not be looked down upon.
Op, I get it. It seems you are more upset about the way things were handled than the actual change of music. Perhaps if the process would have been more transparent, you could have given the new style a try with an open heart and mind. Now you may walk into the new service with a chip on your shoulder. Understandable. Go find a church that respects its congregation.
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This is the struggle we (and others are having). We are not trying to be subversive or backbiting. We have a group of friends from our church who are very close. We are collectively unhappy and had one of the men go and speak with the pastor. The "message" he received is that they know a lot of people are unhappy, but that it will be a wash. As another poster said, they know they will lose some folks but others will come in. The total lack of regard for the 125 - 150 people per week who attend the contemporary service and the attitude that we are some sort of an interchangeable commodity is most bothersome to me. The whole initiative seems to be set on growing our numbers, even at the expense of current members. I have nothing against trying to reach the unchurched, but is there not some sort of obligation to minister to those who are already filling your pews? The contemporary worship service has not been growing, but a big challenge has always been the child care situation. The pagers issued by the nursery will not work all the way down the street to the school auditorium, so many young couples with small children attend the (as of now) concurrently running traditional service held in the sanctuary where the pagers do work. Whether these folks would choose contemporary if they could is an unknown. We (and many others beyond our group of close friends) feel if there are going to be two services we should continue to offer a choice.
I think there could be as many as 30 families who attend who contemporary who will leave. Once the service gets going, I predict many of the hard-line traditionalists will leave as well.
I fear that heels are dug in and nothing will change. But, we are trying to understand the rationale and make our feelings known as best we can as respectfully as we can.
ETA: I do appreciate all the points of view. This post sounds like I am trying to have everyone JAWM. I am not. I am trying to work through this both rationally, and spiritually and I am thankful to have a place to get some opinions from folks not currently caught up in the situation.
See, this would really irritate me. It's not the fact that they're changing things. It's the fact that they are ignoring a large segment of the congregation. That would have me out the door.
:grouphug: This sounds like a crappy situation. Sorry you have to deal with this.
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I would not leave a church because of a change in worship style.
I would leave a church if the ptb refused to listen to a large segment of the congregation.
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You have stores that sell ducks, too? :eek:
I'm starting to feel like I'm missing out on something. :glare:
My local store sells ducks:tongue_smilie:;). Jealous?
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I went to Tractor Supply and bought more chicks today. I guess I'm just going to have to stay out of town til no one is carrying chicks. Dh just laughs.
:lol: My kids noticed the "Chicks are here!" signI at Orcheln this week. I have a funny feeling chicks are in our future.
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:hurray: Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do. No judgement here, just :grouphug: while you deal with this.
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Definitely zombies! I can see (and therefore shoot) the zombies coming. Little germs? You can't see those. Plus, zombies are so much cooler than germs.
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Thanks for posting this! At least now I know there is some hope of my Star Wars nerd using his vast knowledge of Star Wars to support himself and not turning my basement into a nerd cave at age 30.
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I had a PMS-y day and now I am enjoying chicken wings, brownies, and Mike's.
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Grade-A a$$hole.:glare:
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Considering my youngest wears outfits like this:
and this:
(the horrid paneling came with the house)
No. I don't usually forbid them from wearing unflattering clothes. Trashy and inappropriate clothing, yes. Now, I do wish I could have them wear signs that say "I dress myself", but they are still young. They will figure out clothing eventually. I'm more concerned with them figuring out English grammar.
Did anyone else struggle with the time change?
in General Education Discussion Board
Posted
It is killing me this year! Of course, the early spring we are experiencing is making things worse. I like trees in theory, but when they start budding I want to cut down every single one of them. Stupid allergies. And stupid time change. I need more caffeine.