I'm so sorry. I know that's a hard realization for your dd to come to terms with, and it's sooo hard to watch our dc suffering, so :grouphug::grouphug: to you too.

You really cannot fix crazy. All you can do is not be the crazy one yourself. Take care of your ds, take care of yourself, your husband, and your other kids. Make the choice not to let someone else's crazy get the better of you. Keep moving with the good stuff in your life, and look at the ill people with pity and gladness that it doesn't have to define who you are or your reactions. You have other things to focus on, and you can do this! :grouphug:

Did you feed your 5-6 year old all of the superfoods today? No? How could you ignore the facts of how good those are for the health of your young child, and how you are depriving them of necessary nutrients? :001_huh: That is how someone could ignore the facts in something relating to the health of their young child. :tongue_smilie: It's all relative, and your personal standard isn't necessarily the one that everyone has to follow, just as my personal standard isn't the one you need to follow.

Well, honestly? No, I don't think I'd be hurt, and I don't think my dc would be either. My attitude has always been that people have their quirks and frailties, and that they probably don't even realize how much you'd like to have time with them at your place. It may also be that they have their hands full with the other grandchild and feel that you and yours are functioning really well and are not nearly as *needy* as the one that they're helping regularly. Your dc will feel and learn your attitude, and I try really, really hard to teach an attitude of grace and mercy towards others. Still, :grouphug::grouphug:. It's definitely very hard when people let us down, and when we are disappointed.

I may have missed it, but I didn't see anyone mention throwing in the towel, or that it doesn't matter, or saying that the health of children isn't a high priority. What I did see is people mention is that it's wise to pick your battles, and that setting up antagonism between an unmarried dad and mom before the child is even a year old is probably not going to be a good idea, and in the long run is probably a lot more harmful than a drip of soda through a straw. In a perfect world, we'd all do the perfect thing nutritionally for our dc. In the real world, healthy choices/habits are made along a spectrum and no one gets every facet just right. I didn't and still don't give my dc CapriSun, or most of the other sugary things mentioned. I don't think it's healthy, and I wouldn't do it. I don't think there's any magical age where those things become acceptable, and I think it's just as wrong for a kid as for an 8 month old. If you were truly doing everything right for the health of your dc, I think you wouldn't allow garbage food regardless of the age of your dc. I respect your right as a parent though, and the choice is yours. I think the dad in this case deserves the same. Educate him if possible, but don't assume that our determination of what constitutes health is the only correct answer. Is it healthy to give an 8mo soda? Obviously not. Is it healthy to give an 8yo soda? Obviously not. Once I'm making all of the perfect choices (as if that can even be determined!), all of the time, that's when I'll stomp my feet about someone else's flawed (but not fatally flawed) parenting choices. I'd save my ammo for the big issues. They *will* come. A tiny bit of soda through a straw occasionally isn't ideal, but it's also not a hill I'd die on.

To each his/her own, but there are two parents involved. Clearly, the mom here should have picked a dad that had more values in common, but that's not the case. I guarantee that somewhere along the line the mom will do something that dad thinks is horrendously bad parenting, and dad may be right about that. It's one of the hazards of having babies without a strong bond between the parents. It makes it notoriously difficult to agree on the functions of daily life and raising a child. There is always a spectrum in parenting (as in most things) from perfect, to absolutely horrible. I have yet to see anyone get it perfect. The parentS get to decide for their own dc. That means dad gets to decide too. Perhaps later on, dad will be the one who really gets out and does active things to encourage fitness, while mom may not be super-motivated in that area. If only we could all make *all of the perfect choices* for our dc. It's a balance of the things we do right vs. the things we don't get right. In this case, dad's getting it wrong. Tomorrow it will be something else that somebody didn't make a great choice about, and something else that they got just right. No parent gets it just right, and *everyone* makes parenting choices that are clearly wrong, even if they don't see it at the time. With all of that said, I doubt that an 8 month old is so proficient at drinking through a straw that they are consuming much of the poison we refer to as "soda". I'm also assuming that dad doesn't have the baby for every meal, and that in other ways the baby is doing fine nutritionally. I wouldn't hyperventilate over dad making a different choice regarding soda consumption. There will be much bigger parenting fish to fry later on. :001_huh:

I pretty much only buy electronics/technology stuff from Costco, because of their great customer service. I don't think you can return that, and truthfully, I don't think I would even try. It's definitely a warranty issue. Costco makes the warranty stuff not trouble-free, but very close. I used to dread calling for warranty service on anything, but you call the concierge service, and *they* deal with the manufacturer with you. Like, they call the manufacturer and then stay on the line with you while the problem is taken care of. I puffy-heart-love Costco concierge service, and have used it several times. :001_wub: You'll be fine! :001_smile:

When my oldest ds was about 4 months old, I walked into the room to find dh watching tv and sharing his popsicle with my *exclusively breastfeeding* baby. I wasn't thrilled, but truthfully, it's a small thing on the parenting spectrum, and I talked with dh about the possible consequences and then left it at that. My dh comes from a long line of sugar consumers. His mom repeatedly tried to put sugar on the bananas that I would mash up for the babies. They put sugar on cantaloupe. :confused: They eat white bread toast with butter and chocolate sprinkles for breakfast. :glare: I was annoyed, but for the most part, the joy of family dealing with baby, and the joy of baby being loved to the extent that the grandparents (and yes, even their dad) wants to share with them *what they think of* as some of the real pleasures of life--well, that's such a positive in my mind, that I really mostly just let it go. That does not mean that I did nothing. I would smile when my mil tried to put sugar on the bananas, and say with humor, "Nope, not happening on my watch! This baby is sweet enough without all that sugar!", and then I'd laugh and move the banana away, and keep feeding. I just think the mother, in this case especially, should pick her battles. I would encourage her to invite dad along for the next ped visit, and I would tell dd to let the nurse know ahead of time that dad might need a little direction about nutritional choices for baby. Some of the decisions that mom makes for the baby will also likely be wrong. In the whole scheme of things, I think this is a small one, and will not completely offset all of the other healthy things that will be done for this baby. With all of that said, no, I would never EVER give a baby soda! ;)

I'd eat it without hesitation. I'd serve it to my family without hesitation. Cooked meat (and especially cured ham) just isn't as much of an issue in my mind. If it had been out until 9:30 *A.M.* then I'd have wondered whether it was ok or not. ;)

;) Our water heater is huge. They'd have to be in there for a looong time to drain the whole thing. I'd like to be able to just shut it down immediately. Just not sure where to look for a valve/knob, if there is one. :confused: In a perfect world, the teenagers would have been taught not to stay in there for 45 minutes. Barring that, in a slightly imperfect world, I'd be able to just explain about the bill for that hot water, and have them understand. In the real world though, the hugely messed-up one I seem to live in right now, my tolerance for cajoling, reminding, and begging has been severely curtailed. -Just wondering if there's an action I can easily use to transmit the lesson with less effort/explanation on my part. :glare:

This is what I wanted to know. Thanks!

The hot water coming into the house is indeed only one set temp. The water coming to your bathroom sink, for example, is coming from a hot line and a cold line. The faucet mixes the two to produce either cold, warm, or hot water.

We have a large water heater, and I'd rather not have to wait for the hot water to drain from the whole thing in order to shut off the hot water for a short period of time, kwim?

The main line comes to the house, then separates into a hot line (through the water heater) and a cold line (not through the water heater). That's why old-style faucets had a knob for hot, and a knob for cold. The faucet is what controls how much of each, and thus the temp of the water. I'm wondering if there's likely to be a valve to shut off the hot water line into the house from the water heater.

I'd like to shut off the hot water to the house without shutting off the water heater or draining the hot water out of the water heater. Is there likely to be a valve between the water heater and the hot water line that serves the house? I've looked, but I'm not sure what to be looking for or where I should be looking. :confused: I don't want to accidentally turn off the gas to the water heater and then have to worry about the pilot light needing to be re-lit.

I specifically asked as I called around to driving schools. It mattered to me, and it mattered to my dd. In no other situation would I send my 15 1/2 year old dd into possibly remote locations, in a vehicle, alone with a stranger that was a man.

I have taken community college classes in the past, and I would enjoy that. I checked our local community college though, and every single class is full. Well, except for Spanish 2 (I don't have the prereq), and accounting (definitely not my thing!). I'm sad, because taking a class would be my #1 preference in terms of keeping my mind occupied. Every few years I take a class or two, and my kids joke around that by the time I'm 60, I'll have some kind of a degree. It looks like the days of college classes are over for me though, simply because the college is full. They even sent out a letter to incoming freshmen that they should not expect to get *any* of their classes in their first semester, or even maybe in their first year. :001_huh:

Two of you have mentioned chickens now. I even have a pen, and had chickens about 10 years ago. Something picked them all off, and I could never figure out what it was, or how it got to them. :ohmy: I never replaced them, because I didn't want to lose them again. They were very fun though. Maybe I can think about it again, and figure out how to keep them safe.

I don't feel wonderful, or compassionate. I feel...gullible, needy, pitiful, and pathetic. I'm working on feeling wonderful and compassionate though, does that count? :001_huh:

Linda, I'm so very sorry about your dd. :grouphug: That's one of the few things that hasn't gone wrong (yet), and I find myself holding my breath and praying that even though it seems like everything else is falling apart in my life, my kids seem to be ok (so far). Is it too personal to ask if your dd has made progress toward healing? I'll pray for her (and you) this morning.

I think the 15 minute thing is brilliant. I know that if I don't make this a routine, things won't really get better. I can start the 15 thing today, and that would be good for me. My kids brought home a stray dog a couple of months ago, and she presented us with 7 puppies a couple of weeks later. :glare: All of the puppies have been given to their new homes except the tiny runt, who is now ours. :001_wub: It is fun to watch, play with, and train the puppy. See, I was having fun, and I didn't even realize it. Thanks for pointing that out. :) Drawing does sound fun. How did you learn to do it? I know that when I was a kid, I loved drawing, though I don't know that I had any skill or talent at all. I guess that doesn't really matter though, and I seriously need to get past the idea that I have to be good at everything I put my hand to. That one mindset has done *so much damage* in my life, and has sapped me of so much possible joy over the years. :(

Lots of good ideas here, thank you. I'd planned to have my girls learn some Spanish this year, so I might just go along with whatever I have them do (Had narrowed it down to Rosetta Stone or Learnables, any input?). We do have a Wii, and that might be fun too, but I feel kind of stupid trying it when the kids are around. Why is it that the kids always seem to instinctively know what to do, and I'm always saying, "what am I supposed to do now?". :blush: We have Zumba for the Wii, and I kind of always wanted to try it. The kids never ended up interested. If I can just get all of my dc to go away and let me try it privately, without an audience! :glare: I am a Christian, and I was attending a Beth Moore study before things became...difficult, but I dropped it when life became more than I could bear for a while there. I think maybe I should do one of the online studies. I can't remember how much it cost, so I'll have to go look again. As for volunteering at church, you know how at a lot of small churches, there's one or two women who seem to do everything? Yeah, that was me. I organized meals for shut-ins, planned the potlucks, invited the ladies from church to my home for monthly breakfast/prayer, made sure the nursery had water bottles for nursing mommies, and made sure the ladies' room had Dixie cups & great smelling lotion. As things seemed to bottom out for me, dh and I were called before the Spiritual Council. Because I had asked the pastor for a recommendation for a marriage counselor, and my dh is a deacon, they were concerned about our choice of marriage therapist. Our pastor had, in fact, researched an entire bio on our therapist, called him and asked about his qualifications and methods, and was extremely unhappy with our choice. The therapist I picked was a Baptist minister for 25 years before determining that he felt called to the counseling aspect, so he left his position as pastor and went back to school to earn a second master's degree and become an MFT. Great choice, imo, but our pastor was unhappy because the therapist's listed methods weren't overtly Christian or Biblical. Our counseling sessions however, are very Biblical. In any case, we were found to not be accepting the counsel of the elders and pastor of our church, and one of the consequences seems to be that I am no longer called upon to do any of the things I was doing in the past. I'm ok with that, since for a while I didn't have the mental energy to cheerfully carry out those kinds of activities. I guess I miss it a bit, but my dh pointed out to me that for my entire adult life I've really gone above and beyond in my service to others, including my family, and he wishes I would find some things that are *just for me*, without any intention or motive of serving anyone else for a while. I respect his opinion, and I think he's mostly right that for a time, I should probably not seek to serve anyone else. Long explanation, huh? I just didn't think I could say that volunteering isn't right for me (just for right now), without explaining why, since a couple of people have mentioned volunteering. It's a great idea, just not for me, right now. :001_unsure:

Well, depends how you define "locally". We live out of town, and it costs me around $5 in gas for every trip I make into town. It also seems that everyone I know is very busy, with lots of demands on their time. It would be fun, but I don't think I can make this happen. :sad:

This book has been helpful to me recently. It's an easy read, but still helpful. http://www.amazon.com/The-Wounded-Woman-Healing-Those/dp/1590525299/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1341801539&sr=8-2&keywords=the+wounded+woman

I gave up on the blog shortly after I started it, because most of the miseries came around that same time. It's true that I might enjoy that though. Maybe I need to plan time for that into my day. It's a pretty good idea, and might be fun to write, even if no one else ever ends up reading it. ;)