:iagree::iagree: Men tend to have more distant relationships. For some reason the mother-son relationship seems to set up competition, usually on the mom's side (used to having that position). My MIL had that BIG time when dh and I got married, but FAR worse was shortly thereafter when I became pregnant. Wives were temporary (she even bragged how she got rid of dh's first wife), but a child was forever (and I did the one thing she couldn't) and when dd#1 was born she went a little crazy trying to compete with the baby for dh's attention and bad-mouth my parenting at ever opportunity (for dd's first year she never ONCE complimented me on ANYTHING, and when she finally did it was to "thank" me for "taking care of her grandchild" :confused:.) We moved 1400 miles away and that helped a lot. What I plan to do differently? Model my mom's loving acceptance (she's a great MIL), respect my dil/sil and let my kids make new traditions and choices without interference. Not let my kids pay the price for my insecurities. And teach my kids to make GOOD choices in mates. ;) ETA: "a daughter's a daughter all her life, but a son's a son 'til he takes a wife." is the first thing MIL said when we told her we were engaged. THe first think I'd do is FORGET that saying. ;) ETA2: Several years ago MIL decided I was all things wonderful (and just like her :ack: ). That's helped our relationship a lot, but (1) history has taught us to not trust her, and (2) she still doesn't acknowledge any boundaries, so periodically dh has to put her back in her place (wish he'd just enforce the boundaries better, but as long as the effect is protecting the nest, I keep out of their relationship). ETA3: (sigh) IMO IL issues are really spouse issues -- each spouse should be responsible for managing how their family impinges on the new nuclear family. Since IL issues have to rate as some of the most common and ongoing, I think I will try to educate my kids on how to resolve these issues, take responsibility, and again, pick their mates well. :D Maybe when they get into their early teens, discuss your IL relationship (or others in the family) and what works/doesn't. Deconstruct them and discuss what each party's ownership is and what they could do to improve things at different stages of the relationship. I think sometimes we try to hide these tensions from our kids and blow sunshine at them. Better to prepare them since I doubt they don't see it anyways.

collected 173 cookies in 24hrs. With dh's help the other day it was over 300! :tongue_smilie:

<bump> I've searched the posts so I know we have frise and havanese owners out there. Just looking for more details. :D Thanks!

Personally, I'd use them as examples for dc. Be honest, but fair. If dcs ask about wanting to see the gparents or sleepovers, maybe say "They love you, but they are absorbed in their own little world. We have to accept them as they are and not expect more than they can give. They're the ones who are missing out." I wouldn't plan any more holidays/events at their house and I wouldn't tell the grandkids they planned to visit until they showed up. If pressed I also wouldn't hesitate to tell ILs, "No, we won't do that because you've let them down before and that's just not ok." Ils aren't going to change, and although you don't want to bad-mouth the ILs I think you can be gently honest so your kids stop being hurt by the ILs selfishness. They don't deserve the kind of love your kids are offering. :glare:

Good for you! All the holiday drama, coordination, and compromise (sure, dinner an hour after my toddler's bedtime sounds GREAT!) is why years ago dh and I decided to OWN ALL Holidays, down to and including Groundhogs Day (and all birthdays). We do what we want, when we want, how we want. It's LOVELY! :lol: Friends don't let friends do family drama. ;)

Talking with a breeder who does both. I'm looking at getting a 6-12mo pup which has been housebroken and crate trained. :D Anyone with exp comparing them on: 1) feel of hair -- does the frise feel soft or poodle-like? Havanese more silky, correct? Which feels better to pet? 2) good with kids (3-8yo, gentle but still young) and cats 3) playfulness -- I think of havanese as more lap that playful, but that may not be fair. Will both do daily walks (neighborhood, not miles) and run like a loon with the kids in the yard? 4) sturdiness -- both are supposed to be sturdy for their size class, which is better with kids. Won't be left alone with the kids in any event, and all are used to being gentle with our far less tolerant elderly cats. :p 5) One place say Havanese listed as more intelligent than Frises -- think that's true? Anything else important twix these two?

:iagree: It took YEARS to get into the predicament you find yourself so it's not going to be an instant fix. You say the K12 teachers don't call, but do you call them? Your main complaint seems to be it takes all day to get 3 kids thru K12 (and you're not doing that) -- but wasn't that the reason you fell so far behind when you WEREN'T using K12? Your 12yo should due able to do K12 almost independently, the fact they aren't means they haven't learned how. Before I yanked them out of K12, I'd be thinking HARD about how things are going to be DIFFERENT this time. You need a vision of how you plan to get ALL your kids educated at home BEFORE you bring them home. Reminds me of my all time favorite quote, from Martin Luther: "The mad mob does not ask how it could be better, only that it be different. And when it then becomes worse, it must change again. Thus they get bees for flies, and at last hornets for bees." I would first try to work with K12, second consider withdrawing ONE of your kids for whom K12 is the worst fit. Teach to the objectives (there isn't any busy work in K12, but there is extra for those who need it). Make time for the science and history -- they are FUN. USE your teachers -- call them, be honest about your needs, and follow up. Honestly, IMO if you can't make it work with K12 and con't come up with a plan of concrete changes to make it work at home, you might want to consider enrolling some in a local private or charter school until you get a handle on things. It is ok to say the job and stress is just too much for you right now, but you are responsible for your kids' education and right now NONE of your choices will be easy to swallow. :group hug: [ETA: I used a K12 VA with my oldest when I first started, and yes I quit when the bureaucracy was bugging me with my 2nd dd -- but only because I had gained the exp to know I could do it on my own successfully and the bureaucracy was just taking time from my teaching and my kids were both ahead on each subject. With the 2 and younger one at home. I can say it is harder to get even HALF as much done in a day on my own than when I was using K12. I'm still ok with that, because that half is optimized for my kiddies, but if you can't keep up with K12, I'm concerned you'll fall even farther behind without them.]

Since you have MM, I'd give it a try. It is spiritually very similar to Singapore, imo. Does ds know all his math facts (addition, subtraction, multiplication, division)? I wouldn't move past 2nd grade without at least +/- facts at automaticity. For abstract thinking kids (like mine) it's easy to accelerate forward because everything is so easy until 4th grade or even beyond (algebra has always been easy for my dd). IME it's better to add enrichment first: pick up books that will force dc to stretch how he thinks and use the tools he's already got before picking up new ones. My dd really enjoys the Math Olympiad problems -- we do one each day. Zaccaro also has elementary challenge problems which are indeed challenging. If you add those to MM2 (which is a step up from Saxon, imo) and move briskly to MM3, I think math will be a lot more interesting. Basically, let MM be your efficient training of basics and math facts (do half the problems per page unless dc needs more), and the challenging problems to stretch the mind. Other fun things are puzzle books or math games/tricks. THere's an old one called something like "Math for math haters" (check out from library) that had some interesting stuff. I would do a math "trick" and them challenge dd to figure out why it worked (the pick a number, divide by, add digits...your answer is 6! kind of things).

A little OT, but my 8yo likes me to "warn" her if a book is going to be a little dark. My previews usually are something like, "There are a couple parts that are a bit sad, but it all works out in the end." She's a voracious reader, and reads thick novels, so it can be challenging to find books at her level that don't get to YA or dark. A couple times she's stopped reading a book saying it was too scary/dark, and often says, "I don't mind, but don't let me sister read it!" :lol: So am I being overprotective? I don't think so. I think I am giving dd permission to read what she's comfortable with, and glad she doesn't feel pressured to read or watch stuff that would be to dark or mature for her.

For those interested, I posted a 24hr cookie counting challenge on the general board: http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=329105

As a reminder to clear our caches and cookies periodically, I thought we could do the following challenge: clear all your cookies now, then check and see how many cookies you have in 24 hours. Then report back here! Anyone game? :)

Yep, love this book. Laid out nicely without oversimplifying. First half is the history/what is, and the second half is done as a question (like the ones creations use) with a straight-forward rebuttal/answer. I think they show one of those in the preview, but there are several. I really like that.

Search "Bichon Frise" (note the spelling of Frise) and your town. I'v seen lots listed in Ohio. You can also check your state's Bichon Frise club for recommended breeders. You can find backyard breeders thru Craigslist or Ebay classifieds (but would need to really check out conditions, parents health, etc). Rememebr the best looking website doesn't mean the best puppies. I'd search on finding puppy breeders for general tips. :) Good luck! Just remember, finding a puppy is a bit like buying a house -- may take time and best not to fall in love with the first one you see. Except you'll probably have the dog longer than your house. http://www.doggies.com/Bichon_Frise/Ohio

I would pick up a few books on dog training from the library first. Skim through until you find a style you like and go from there. Dog training is more about people training than training the dog. :001_smile: I'm no expert, but I think when you are better able to establish your leadership/dominance with the dog a lot of these issues will improve. As to the housebreaking, crate training seems to be a requirement for this type of dog, which means taking some time to provide constant attention, keeping track of when the dog wants to go, and diligently crating and taking the dog out.

Just a reminder to: 1) check your security settings: should be cookies to originating ONLY 2) purge cookies and history at LEAST weekly (better daily). We can gather 500+ cookies per week!!! 3) reboot your modem at least weekly, if not daily, or issue the command to get a new IP lease. Otherwise you may always be browsing from the same IP and they DO track that. 4) be choosey about sharing your "location" data. SOme apps work better, but rarely is it needed. and most importantly, 5) never forget the internet is NOT really anonymous. ever. WRT #2: there are tricks were you can keep a cookie file that has just the folks you WANT to have cookies (banks, maybe FB or forums) so you don't have to re-login. then set a script to overwrite your current cookie file with your default minimalist file every night. It's easy to do with ical on a mac, and should be not to tough on a PC, tho I haven't even used Win7.

:confused: Cesar Millan (Dog Whiserer) prefers "leadership" but still uses the terms dominance and assertiveness, and all the books I'm reading are from the last 6 years, so not sure where you are getting that the idea of dominance is "outdated"? There are lots of training theories, from "pack-training" (sometimes called dominance training, dominate like an alpha) to "learn to communicate like a dog" (read and respect their cues) -- probably as many styles as trainers. But I'm not talking about a specific training style, but the fact that some dogs are more likely to assert their dominance than others. Most dogs bred for companionship aren't as interested in trying to be top dog (or whatever PC term of the day is popular). The best advice I have seen is to always get a dog that is no more assertive than you. In other words, they are inclined to accept your leadership. Some people can do an awesome dog with an assertive/dominant/strong-willed/alpha-type dog. And I've also seen others totally at the mercy of their cocker spaniel (as in giving them treats to get them to release a shoe because they are afraid it will bite them otherwise). Just curious if Im missing something here?

DH and I have watched the first 3 movies...and usually laughed our way thru them. Ah, the teenage angst!!! Personally (and I think lit choices are ALWYAS personal), I wouldn't let me girls read these books or see these films for the same reason they don't watch most Disney "princess" flicks (except Mulan) -- the message about love against one's will, against one's reason, against one's best interest...I just don't think those themes need to be reinforced in young brains that are full of emotional intensity and short of executive function. I don't need anything extolling the virtue of teen forever love -- sure, sometimes it works out, but more often it does not, and my dd wants to go to med school, so best to be planning on marriage after 25 rather than true love at 17! :tongue_smilie: I much prefer Pride and Prejudice, esp the part where Elizabeth turns down Darcy's proposal, "The feelings which, you tell me, have long prevented the acknowledgment of your regard, can have little difficulty in overcoming it..." <snap> Must say this is the one part better done in the films than the book, because Austin covers these things in such broad strokes. On the other hand, most of the movies trim the reconciliation at the end where Darcy admits he had (gasp) faults. :) ETA: personally I don't care at all what OTHER parents think. If they have the audacity to TELL me I'm overprotective, I'll have the audacity to tell THEM that maybe they should give being protective a try for a change. :D As to what they THINK -- don't know, don't care. I respect every parent's right to make their own choice, but that includes ME. DH and I both say we're only answerable to our own kids, and I'm sure when they grow up they'll feel free to tell us where they think we went wrong. As long as they aren't telling us from rehab or pregnant at 17, I think I can handle it. :)

From http://arstechnica.com/gadgets/guides/2011/02/howto-root-a-nook-color-to-transform-it-into-an-android-tablet.ars : << When users enable root access on a Linux-based consumer electronics device—usually by exploiting a privilege escalation security vulnerability—they can make unauthorized changes to the software environment and modify it to add additional functionality. On an Android-based device like the Nook Color, a user with root access can side-load third-party applications and introduce software components that have been extracted from other Android devices. You can even add the Android Market, which makes it easy to install additional software on the Nook Color. The Nook Color modding community has produced a special tool called the Auto-Nooter that will give the user root access and automatically apply a number of popular customizations. It will add the Android Market, enable multi-touch interaction, install the Busybox shell, and add some standard applications like the Android calendar, calculator, and e-mail client. >> Just make sure not to "brick" your device (aka, much up the hack and make your device unusable, in the olden days known as "boat anchoring"). :lol:

How about your library? I get books at the library and if dc *really* loves it, I buy a copy (usually hardbound). Many libraries now offer ebook lending, too! Personally, I see the benefits of both. I like curling up with a REAL book and being able to flip thru (still no good equivalent on e-readers). I like being able to adjust font for my emerging reader, and the WOW factor is good. Ultimately I try to just accumulate books that are likely to be read several times, and go with whichever method is cheapest, which is usually: library (real and ebook), used, ebook. Many classics are free in PDF form, though.

It's PG-13, dd's not 13. 'Nuf said. Following the rating system is not 'overprotective' -- the rating system errs the other way. My dd can rent it when she's in college, if she likes.

The last thing you want to do is show up at the Drs office looking *too* good. ;) BTW, My mom was an ER nurse and recommends if vaguely appropriate you go to walk-in in a wheelchair. They usually have them up front or just outside. She says the worst thing to do is "tough it". Look sick and you'll be triaged quicker. :p Of course, you shouldn't use the ER unless you really need it.

As I added above, amount of food and poop should be considered in larger vas smaller breeds. Another is dominance. A husky WILL challenge you for dominance, as will most "working" dogs. This can be a big issue with kids, who can have a harder time exerting dominance over a dog. Most "companion" breeds are less...assertive, but you have to make sure you still establish your dominance or you can end up with "small dog syndrome". OK, can anyone tell I'm a little OVER involved in researching dogs right now? Seems like the last time I had a dog was the doggy dark ages...all the "theory" has changed! :tongue_smilie:

We're looking at getting a bichon frise early next year. Usually when people say "bichon" they mean "bichon frise". Don know why they aren't called Frises, like the bichon maltese or bichon Havanese. :confused: I agree the selection will be better then. Around here, backyard bred puppies run $300, and AKC puppies from better breeders run $700+. There are great little videos on each breed on AnimalPlanet's website, google the breed name and "Dog101". Bichons are small yet sturdy -- some of the other small breeds can be a bit delicate for younger kids. Even if you've had dogs before, I recommend making a study unit on dogs, training, breeds, etc. I've got quite the stack of books by Cesar Millan and Jon Katz (couldn't resist the title "Katz on Dogs" :lol: but I really like his no-nonsense approach). Both Cesar and (esp) Katz stress getting a dog is NOT a act of social activism. You need to pick between a shelter dog and a breeder's dog carefully. I would LOVE to be able to get a rescue dog, all the cats Ive ever owned were rescued, but I. can't. do. it. When I read the teary stories about their health problems or behavior problems or tough prior life, I think, "I am not UP to undoing the damage someone else did to that poor animal!" Our last cat was an example of an over-zealous rescue group foisting a cat they HAD to know had a severe heart defect on a poor unsuspecting family. By the time we found out, the kids were attached. THANKS. IMO it's a lot like foster kids versus having a baby. Should we not have our own babies because somewhere there is a child needing a home? A foster child can be amazing...IF the family is ready and equipped to deal with whatever crap their earlier life left them. A friend of ours took in 2 young foster kids all idealistic and ended up having to return them when they became violent to their own kids. Same goes with a puppy/dog. Make the decision about whether you are up to a rescue dog, take your time finding the right one, don't expect the shelter workers to put your interests ahead of the dog's. If you decide you want to get a puppy from a breeder, don't feel guilty, make sure your puppy never ends up in a shelter, and find a good breeder. Make sure the puppy isn't from a puppy mill -- they are less healthy, harder to PT, inbred, unsocialized, and will make your life with puppy that much more difficult. And did I mention research, research, research??? :D ETA: In favor of a smaller dog breed, as my dh puts it, "Smaller dog; smaller poop." Also smaller food bill. A Husky is a great active dog, but it costs a lot to feed it and makes lots of poo to pick up (don't hold our breath that the kids will do it enough). A Bichon frise is roughly 10 lbs...so eats and poops a LOT less. :D Also, the hair vs fur breeds don't shed and smell less...doggy, but you have to cut their hair regularly (or get it cut).

I'm sorry they seem pushy -- probably has to do with that store's manager. We had a reg membership for years and they were never pushy. If you spend over $2500/year, Exec membership is a good thing. We buy just about everything there, so the rebate always pays for itself and then some. :D Costco's main source of profit is the membership dues. They keep the markup so low on the items (biz model was no more than 10% profit per item, except jewelry I think). So I'm not sure if they are really trying to get you to shop more there (has little impact on their profits) and they offer to reimburse the difference? Either they really think they are doing you a favor, or the manager wants some recognition for most upgrades in the area or something. In our area, we've visited at least 10 stores, and there's just one I don't like to go to because their manager just runs things a little differently, and it shows in the employees. THe rest are run well. In comparison, I can't think of a Walmart at which I feel GOOD about shopping. :lol: Maybe next time tell the employee (politely), "You know I'm tired of people trying to sell me an exec membership. If I was interested, I'd ask." Or even write an email to Costco and (nicely) explain how frustrating you find the attempts to upsell you on membership. If enough people complain.... Costco is usually extremely responsive. A friend of mine was getting the run around on a computer she ordered from them that wasn't configured right (ended up being a supplier's error), so in frustration she e-mailed a VP -- and had a personal response the same day and a new (correctly configured) computer overnighted to her home. Just sayin'....squeak, squeak!

I think the subtext here is do NOT get an inkjet, get a laser printer. I love my Brother -- my second and my first laster 10 years and was still fine, but it was cheaper to get a new (and wireless) printer than a new drum. :( I almost wish mine would die so I could justify getting a new duplexing one. The Brother HL2270DW would be my choice. I've seen it on sale down to $70 at newegg.com. Right now Bestbuy has it for $90: http://www.bestbuy.com/site/Brother+-+Network-Ready+Wireless+Black-and-White+Laser+Printer/1148536.p?id=1218225366203&skuId=1148536&cmp=RMX&ref=06&loc=01&ci_src=14110944&ci_sku=1148536 Costco and Frys has it for $99. It pays to check weekly for a good deal. There are tricks to getting the most form your toner cartridge (which comes good for 1,000 pages) so Google that. When you need new toner, Amazon has good refurb deals for under $20 (for toners that last 2,000 or more pages). I also have a color laser, which I got for $225 several years ago. They are nice for color stuff, but I use my monochrome 99% of the time. :) There are 4 toner cartridges in the color laser, so pricier to keep in ink. ;)