That's exactly what I thought... I'm not disagreeing with the inappropriateness of the behavior. But if the standard of "bullying" is "anything that happens after someone says stop", then lots of kids with disabilities are, by definition, bullies. They CAN'T stop--at least not now, at this age, at this time. They can be corrected, moved, intercepted--but the bar for "bully" needs to include some sort of intent.

Lol! You know me! I'm no doormat... I'll stick up for anyone, anywhere, and not just my own kids. That's how I got into this conversation in the first place. :-P Assertive extroverts of the world, unite!

I definately agree in re-reading the original post it really isn't clear to me exactly what is going on. I guess "annoying repeated behaviors" means different things to different people. But my ds wouldn't do it to everyone--he'd bump into everyone, but he'd only "pester" older kids (usually boys) whom he admires and wants to be close to.

I didn't realize that asking an adult not to insult a small child meant you were being "PC". I thought that was maturity, compassion and good manners.

Absolutely I'd step in if I saw another child crying... Mostly I wanted to address the words being used in this thread like "bully and "mosquito" to name a child. Those are powerful words that are hurtful. I wanted to speak up for parents of very challenging children--it hurts to be characterized as lazy or uncaring. We've got a tough row to hoe, and a little compassion goes a long way!

Honestly, it depends on the situation whether or not I intervene in his behavior. At karate (where he is 4 times a week) for instance, I sit by the sidelines and never say anything. Parents are expected not to talk, and most of the times if he is out of line he gets caught and sent for time out. If I really thought he was going to injure someone (which has never happened) I would certainly jump up and interfere regardless, but in that case I leave the discipline up the the sensei, which seems to work fairly well. They aren't quite as strict as I would be, but he doesn't get away with too much. He is still "annoying" to the other kids, however, I'm sure--lots of rolled eyes if he gets partnered with an older boy. He's larger than his age (6 yo) so he's often working with 8 or 9 yo boys. At the playground--well, yesterday I intervened because he was about to crash through someone's sand castle. He thought it would be fun and the whole "quiet girl play" thing has never occured to him. BUT if he is sparring with boys, usually I don't intervene unless it comes to blows or mean words. If I see real anger on a face, I'll intervene. If it is disrupting an organized activity, I'll step in. But if he's just being annoying in a loose group, oftentimes I let them work it out. I would certainly discuss his issues with any parent who approached me (and have!), but I don't think I would explain them his peers, other than to guide him through an apology.

Now, first of all, I totally understand why it would bug both you and your son, and don't even think that swating the child is even a bad thing... BUT I'm the mom of a 6 yo "human mosquito". He has a range of developmental and behavioral issues (including ADHD and sensory-seeking SID), and it would break my heart to hear him called a "bully" because he can't stop moving/touching/talking. Absolutely he needs to learn to keep his hands to himself, we work on it every day--but it simply isn't going to happen all at once, he's going to need repeated correction to keep from getting in people's faces with his words and his body. Now, perhaps the behavior you described is indeed meant meanly, I wasn't there, but if my son blows on people, touches their faces or hair, sticks his feet in front of them, etc, etc, it's because he really likes them and wants to be friends. Doesn't mean he shouldn't be corrected, but I would be very upset if a grown woman started screaming at him due to his disabilities! I just want people to take a step back before characterizing some of these kids so negatively. Names hurt. Calling this anonymous child a "human mosquito" is, well, insulting and hurtful. Yes, he can't hear the words, but others of us can. I see those words, and I know it's about my son, or it could be. It hits me hard, and some others I know. I think that parents who have very "normal" children simply don't understand how destructive thier judgement can feel, even virtually.

Well.... define scary? I guess I'd say yes... creepy old house, and by the end kids are fighting hordes of CGI trolls and such--both with a sword and by throwing tomato sauce at them (yes, apparently it is deadly to trolls). My boys (4 & 6) loved it, but anything with fighting and monsters is right up thier alley. If I was 9 again, it would have been my favorite movie of the year!

I agree with Pam... There is a reason the courts look first and formost at intent. From everything you've said, his intent was not to injure. Yes, it was a very poor choice to grab and throw, poor impulse control, and had unfortunate outcomes. He can learn an important lesson about how critical it is to control momentary impulses. Punishment should be reserved for intentional crimes, not accidents. I'm one who thinks service should never be used as punishment, is not going to teach that lesson. That's a skill that is learned little by little over time, and I'm sure this incident will lead to a big step forward. He already knows how much pain he is causing to his brother and to your family. I want to gently suggest that the lesson he needs to hear most of all now is that he can be loved and forgiven, by his brother and by his parents. That he is still a good person. I know this seems like a huge thing, but if it is the worst, most hurtful mistake he makes in his life he'll be a stellar human being. Cuddle him close and let him know that you understand how it feels to really screw up--and that there is a place for redemption.

Sounds like lots of fun! Have an awesome slumber party...

Glad to hear he made it... I was praying for you both and hoping for an update!

Welcome back and congratulations! Hope you are enjoying the new space...

I think it looks great... Doug is here too and gives it a thumbs up! I had a typo in mine :-( Should have posted it to you first!

Sure... I just posted mine, though it's moderated so it might not be up for a while... I'm Past31somtthingorother.

Oh please... leave a comment! I'm about to go check it out...

It does depend on the quality and fit of the counselor, of course, but I'm a big believer in counseling. Sometimes it really takes that third party to help you see the issue from a new perspective, negotiate differences, or even just give you permission to vent! I'm always suggesting to people that they seek professional help sooner rather than later... just as with physical problems--you want to deal with interpersonal issues before they become emergencies. My personal story: Dh and I have both been in counselling--both together and seperately--several times over the past 15 years with great success. We've faced some serious crises, major life changing health issues and just run of the mill marital conflict. I think we would both agree we have a great marriage, partially because we have always been willing to take advantage of counselling when either of us felt the need for it.

We'll have a few guests over from church... the menu is pretty basic: Honeybaked ham Lasagna (I'm vegetarian, so this will be cheese) Peas Rolls Salad Potatoes Whatever else anyone decides to bring!

I actually chose not to attend a wedding last year because the invitation said "Black formal cocktail attire please". We couldn't afford either a new suit for dh (even a rental would have been over our budget) or a new black "cocktail" dress for me--and where would I ever wear such a thing again? It was a friend I would have liked to have attended, but not $400 worth, ya know? FWIW, the bride was a middle aged (in her late 40s) woman and having her third wedding.

I know I used the phrase back when Doug was sick? So... three years ago. But I might not have been the first...

Since our oldest has been about 4 he's enjoyed the book "It's Not the Stork", which says it is for 4-7 year olds. Specifics: This is from a kid-friendly straight-forward and secular perspective, narrated by a cartoon bird and bee. It has drawings of naked children with labled body parts, and drawings of the insides of adult bodies... it briefly talks about sex and has a drawing of a smiling woman and man under a blanket. There is mention of in-vitro fertilization and there are pictures of families of all sorts. The book does not deal with issues like abortion or sexually transimitted diseases. http://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-Stork-Families-Friends/dp/0763600474

I agree... I actualy think the wording and "situation" was almost exactly the same in the email that was posted on the last board, except the person who placed the ad was the "mother". I think it's a scam, and that they are reusing the same text--and that the scammers (obviously) don't speak English very well.

I'd give the money to Panzi Hospital in Bukavu, Democratic Republic of Congo. This is a mission that has been on my heart and mind for a while now. Panzi treats women and girls who have been victims of the horrific sexual violence that wracks that part of the country, perpetrated by organized militias and soldiers, many of whom fled from Rwanda after the end of genocide there. I'll link a New York Times article... but be aware that the truth in this case is very disturbing. It's so painful to talk about--and maybe that's why it has totally fallen off of our media radar. Sometimes I can't believe that every woman in the world isn't screaming about this. http://www.davidbyrne.com/journal/misc/10_08_07_nyt_congo.php

I'm so sorry for your loss, and will continue praying for you and for her family.

((Sue)) What a no-fun way to start the day! Look at the bright side... at least he WANTED to do a chore, right?

I do have to say I'm feeling a bit nervous, maybe even moreso since the HSLDA has said that they think the ruling seems to deny the fundamental right to homeschool. http://www.hslda.org/hs/state/ca/200803030.asp Next year would actually be our first year filing an R-4. We went ahead and did 1st grade this year, but in PS he wouldn't start until next year (just missed the cutoff), so no need to R-4. I did check out some public homeschooling charters, but didn't find one that really floated my boat. Now I'm feeling a bit unsettled. I know this is a particular circumstance in this court case, but I guess I'm uncomfortable with the idea of homeschooling being suddenly "illegal". Ugh. Do you file an R-4?