Lol. I was cross posting with @Innisfree, but had I seen her post, I could have just said “ditto.”

I don’t know enough specifics to know exactly what I would do, and the things I would do are things that are most appropriate to come from his mom. I know I would get a lawyer to go hard for disability benefits, and I would make sure he had a roof over his head if that was some thing within my ability to do. Beyond that, I would do my best to maintain the relationship so he knows he has family who love and care about him and what happens to him. I expect there would be other things depending on his specific scenario. Whether that’s assisting him in mental health care, physical health care, vocational rehab. I don’t know which things are relevant for him and I know some of those are things he might not agree to right away. Or he might, if he felt like he had the kind of support he needed in order to do them. And maybe none of it would be enough to get him there. It might not be. But I’m getting the sense that his family thinks he’s a good for nothing, and most of them don’t really care what happens to him after he leaves, and that’s not a place that a lot of positive change is going to come from. I agree he doesn’t get to do that. I just haven’t gotten the idea he’s had much help to make better choices. I have no idea what kind of drugs he’s doing (I’m personally not a fan of any of them, including pot, but it does make a difference as far as how dangerous), but it’s common for people who are struggling to end up self medicating with drugs. It’s a bad choice, but it’s not uncommon. Considering he was previously living in his van, it sounds like he’s had a long time of struggling. That’s completely irrelevant to how disabled he is. SS is notoriously ridiculously difficult to qualify for, with denials often coming back with ridiculous suggestions for what kind of work the applicant could do with their particular disability. That’s why I’ve been hammering hard on LAWYER. Without a lawyer, a large percentage of people with disabilities who are unable to work will be denied. People on the spectrum are more often than not unemployed or underemployed. People with intellectual disabilities but no ASD have higher rates of employment and salaries than those on the spectrum.

This. I think it’s this sentiment and wanting to get him out immediately with no plan for where he can safely go, coupled with the previous information that he has disabilities, including autism. He can’t just “get his act together” and stop being autistic. The situation sounds like a bad one for sure, and a good example of why I would never enter into this kind of family compound agreement, but I also can’t help but feel worried that no one is providing this kid with the supports he needs in order to have a hope of taking care of himself.

Does his mom live in the same house as his grandma (just trying to understand the situation) and that’s where he has water and bathroom access? If his mom had to move from the property, is there a way for her to divest herself and get money back for her share so she could afford housing elsewhere?

No, I wouldn't be happy with this at all. This is a good example of what I mean though by not knowing how bad it is or isn't. I might have missed it in the thread, but I didn't know the above detail. I thought everyone had their own home on the property and his was a trailer. The only details I know about the problems (other than the new one above) is that he does some kind of drug(s), has a pitbull and has friends over they would not like there. And that he has disabilities and is not receiving support for them. It seems there is at least a compromise available here while serving written notice and allowing him to find new housing by not allowing him to go into the main house, which sounds like is a discussion that would be in part between the people who live in the house? The house would be a separate dwelling that he would not be considered a tenant of, and unless there are extenuating circumstances (no plumbing or shower in the trailer?), it seems unlikely he would have any legal right to enter the house.

Sure. I mean that if he doesn't want to leave, they can't force him to leave immediately without going through the formal process in writing. IANAL, but I'm pretty sure squatter's right aren't relevant to this situation at this point. He's currently considered a tenant, not a squatter. One doesn't have to be paying rent to be considered a tenant. He didn't start living in the trailer illegally, without permission, which would have made him a squatter.

That's not usually going to be legal. I think part of the challenge in any of us understanding the situation is that we can only guess what the exact situation is. I expect some are imagining in not as bad as it is, and others are imagining it worse than it is. There's a wide spectrum of what using drugs and having friends over can mean, so it's hard to know what to make of it.

Is she on a Monophasic or triphasic bcp? If it’s triphasic, I would definitely ask if they can prescribe a monophasic for her to try. That’s usually much better for people with fluctuating mood issues because it keeps the hormone levels same all month long. One of mine with lots of cycle issues had to try several before finding what worked best. It’s pretty frustrating.

If it’s relevant for you, I posted a POTS article a few days ago in the Omicron thread. I can find it again if you wanted to read. It was basically about the increase in POTS diagnoses, particularly among young athletes and also mentions connections with hyper mobility.

I use parental controls to turn off browser capability on an iPhone. It will have to have Internet in order to do maps (assuming you want to use them for navigation) iPhone parental controls aren’t awesome, but they actually work better the fewer things you want working on the phone, so would probably work well for what you want. There are back doors in some apps (such as various google apps) so you don’t want those on there if you don’t want browser access. This also depends on if you’re looking for something simple for a senior or some thing that’s more locked down for a young person just starting out with phone use.

Oh, I misunderstood and interpreted you to mean your dh was heading there today or tomorrow to have him leave on the spot. I still hope someone will provide him with extra supports (his mom, I would think?). On the one hand you’re right that it’s hard to help someone who doesn’t want help, but sometimes an initial boost helps make it possible and for someone who you think should actually be institutionalized, it’s not reasonable for anyone to think he should be self supporting.

Is there a plan for where he goes in the immediate/short term?

I feel like one of the big hold ups on this is testing. Without testing, better guidance can’t be implemented and I’m pretty certain the government doesn’t want to keep providing testing and nobody cares enough to do it anyway, so much as I completely disagree with the guidance, I do see the practical barriers to better approaches right now. Which is a crappy thing to have to acknowledge.

Any chance of someone finding him a little piece of land legal to move his trailer to so he can have a roof over his head and some hope of getting more stable? If he’s unhoused, the chances of him being able to get a job are slim to none.

I’m pretty sure if he says he’s going to California but leaves his stuff behind, if he hasn’t been given formal notice to vacate, it’s likely he could come back within 30 days and resume living there. I just hope the kid has someone that will be providing him guidance and support 😞. He’ll end up on the streets (or worse) otherwise.

He will definitely have some legal rights. I don’t know what they are there (is it Arkansas?), but it would be relevant for you all to know.

New Washington Post article about increase in POTS diagnoses due to Covid (gift link) They’re young and athletic. They’re also ill with a condition called POTS.

Is there a reason none of these things increased his sentence or added additional charges? It seems like threatening the prosecutor in these ways would be a crime in itself.

Oh, it’s just awful when that happens. And it always seems to be at a terrible time. I hope you recover faster than expected.

I'm unclear the connection. The standard for involuntary commitment is different than the standard for revoking someone's right to purchase and own firearms. Your state is actually one of the ones I mentioned that allows people to revoke their own ability to purchase a firearm if they feel they are a danger to themself or others. That one is not a complex law at all.

True. I guess I'm considering him as young and disabled, but that's based on expecting that he has a diagnosis on paper he could submit. I don't know if he does or not. My young person with disabilities was able to get on the list without even having applied for SSI yet. The criteria varies in different places (it can easily be 8-10 years here, so I know what you're saying for sure), so it's possible there would be something available somewhere. I still think it's by far preferable for him to be near family though. There are many disabilities that would qualify someone for section 8 but not for SSI--the SSI standard is much higher as you have to show the disability prevents gainful employment, which many do not. Actually, just doing a little looking, it does look like vouchers are available in many areas for able bodied people who meet income requirements. But nonetheless, he sounds like he would be able to apply as a disabled adult. Drug use could be a barrier for sure though, as it's not allowed in federally subsidized housing,

This might be part of it. Leveled readers are often pretty boring, especially for a bright kid who is ready for a lot more information and advanced language than those readers use. Is he being schooled by someone else (I noticed you said “they” and referred to a tutor)? I assume you have lots of high interest material above his reading level around that he can look at as much as he wants? Barring vision or decoding issues, I’d expect a bright kid who has the phonics training he does at this point to just start picking it up and getting more fluent the more he does.

@maize Your story (and others) are examples of why I find it stunning that red flag laws are actively fought and that there are gun owners who don’t think there should be a way to keep guns out of the hands of people who are mental ill. Last I checked, there were only two states that even had laws that allowed a mentally ill person to make the decision themself to revoke their own right to purchase a firearm. Why is that law not a no brainer everywhere?

Agree. All my kids have been advanced LA students, and a couple are old enough to be through college already (with the only one who took it having perfect scores on the language sections of the ACT), and we weren’t doing those things in kindergarten or first grade. You’re not behind or missing basics whatsoever.

My sentence wording was awkward and I can’t tell if I was misunderstood. I wasn’t at all saying it’s too far to travel, I’m saying I think the part of the post that really did go too far was to make fun of and insult people who did travel for it.