[Confrontation: When do you think you should and when you shouldn't]

I'll offer an opinion, for what it's worth.

 

I'm not fond of confrontation either, but I'll do it at times. For me it comes down to:

 

1) Will it be a long-term problem in my life? (Seeing a total stranger smoking right next to a "no smoking" sign in a random store obviously doesn't qualify.)

 

2) Does it involve foundational principles on my part? (Cruelty to animals, strong people taking advantage of the weak, etc. are likely to tempt me to step in.)

 

3) If it involves a close relationship; will I hold myself responsible if I keep my mouth shut and the bad decision has the expected results? (For me, it's not about changing someone's mind in a situation like this. But I hope to avoid having someone come to me later with their life broken in pieces and accusing me; "Why didn't you say something?!?!")

 

Lastly, I try to analyze my motives: Am I just angry because my pride or dignity have been threatened/hurt? Am I trying to defend myself from what I consider to be an attack on my beliefs? Or am I really stepping in to help someone else and/or right an egregious wrong? Can I speak (or write) my piece quietly and with dignity in a way that separates it from my own self-worth? In other words, can I offer my opinion or remind someone of something (their own previously stated beliefs, etc.) and then leave it on the table for them to deal with, not taking it personally if they make no change after I have spoken with them? If I'm horribly angry simply because they didn't listen to me I know I've confronted with wrong motives. Obviously, if they continue to abuse someone/something after I've spoken to them, I have a right to be disturbed and need to appeal the situation to a higher authority.

 

Clear as mud, eh?

 

In my personal relationships, I try to not confront or object very often so that when I do my friends/family members are more likely to listen. It also helps to plan your points well, practice them beforehand, role-play (even if only in your head) various responses, use a quiet, reasonable tone, and have a good exit planned.

 

If I know from experience that someone in my family will not listen to me, I usually distance myself and just do the "nod and smile" routine. Happily, I haven't had to confront a spouse or adult child who is unreasonable and physically violent. My tactics would be very different, then . . .

 

Mama Anna

 

 

Great post!

[Anyone know if you can block a particular person]

Yikes! You can block online with sprint. Also, your phone might have an option to block to if you go into other options from the text she sent you.

[Could you be friends with someone who thinks you're doing something terrible?]

I read the blog post several times. I had to think about it. It sounds like she was unhappy with the education that was being given to Rhino. She doesn't sound like she was committed to homeschooling but committed to trying something else for her daughter. Perhaps that is why she wasn't interested in the book about homeschooling. It sound if she had another option other than homeschooling, she would have done it. As it is, she tried it. It wasn't for her. She's moved on.

[Confrontation: When do you think you should and when you shouldn't]

I mostly make an effort to avoid confrontation, as I was brought up by a mother who confronted everyone on everything. My mother's behaviour mostly caused a lot of wasted effort and emotion and damaged relationships, it was rare that anything good came out of her confronting people. My rule is to confront only if it is highly likely that in the end it will improve a situation.

 

 

Yes! The trouble is knowing if the confrontation is going to really improve the situation. Unless someone directly asks what you think, and depending on how you confront, it could destructive and construed as judgmental. I will admit again, I don't like confrontation. So, if someone doesn't ask me, I rarely confront. What is the point of the confrontation anyway if you know in the end it won't do any good and you will end up walking away?

[Breastfeeding dad wants to become LLL leader]

No way in Hades would I want a male LLL leader.

 

Nope, nope, nope, nope.

:iagree: I don't want a male ob/gyn and I don't want a male LLL leader either.

[Another shooting spree at Empire State Building]

Just heard about it on the radio. Ugh...

[Free Online CM magazine]

Thanks for sharing. It looks interesting!

[Confrontation: When do you think you should and when you shouldn't]

Does it have a direct impact on me? Do I have to regularly interact with them? Then, I confront. Otherwise, I mind my own business and/or start avoiding them.

 

 

Great questions! What if it doesn't have a negative impact on you but you see that it will for them but you know if you say anything, it could cost you the friendship?

[WWYD, Family Giving Assignments?]

I think you need to start giving her some assignments to keep her busy and out of your hair;)

[Confrontation: When do you think you should and when you shouldn't]

Under what circumstances do you think you should confront a person about behavior or situation? What good does confrontation do? If they ask me, I am honest about what I think. Just curious people's thoughts about this! I am very hesitant to confront people about a behavior.

[My Little Brother is Missing and I Have No Idea What to Do : (]

I'm so glad you know where he is! :grouphug:

[Sunscreen: How diligent are you about making your kids use it?]

We use it only if we are having a serious sun day. All day at a waterpark, beach, etc. For a few hours at the park, we don't use it at all. We are very fair skinned. I've always thought there was some balance between getting enough vitamin d and not getting burned.

:iagree: Same here.

[Will your children know how to iron clothes when they get older?]

Iron? What's that?;) So, probably not unless they become interested in this on their own.

[do you fold your underwear?]

No and no.

[Do you suffer from]

I call it " truth week". It is the week I get to say everything I think all month long, but am too nice to say.

:D Yes this is the week. How do I know? I am way too emotional about everything. It is a sure bet when I start sobbing about some random event that happened that really is just no big deal. Ugh...I hate it. I am sure my family hates it more;)

[A nice, cheap kindle timeline for those of you doing timelines]

Thanks!

[New countertop friendly vitamix!]

:lol::lol:

 

I was.... I haven't seen one yet and am interested in getting one and now I'm very thankful to know that some don't fit under the cabinets, that would have been an unwelcome surprise. Where on earth would one keep it..... I guess not together in the cupboard, and that makes it a space hog!

 

 

If I don't put the cap on, I can have the base and container under the on the counter top. It just barely fits. This means I can spend too much time trying to figure out where the top was put upon dishwasher removal.

[Got the results of today's HCG bloodwork!!]

Yay! :party:

[New countertop friendly vitamix!]

What does a vitamix do to the countertops??

:D Just in case you are serious and not being humorous, it doesn't fit under the cabinets.

[WWYD Babysitting for family]

I would help but only every so often. I would definitely say no the next couple times you are asked. Can any of your kids volunteer in the food tent or help watch the others? (I don't know how old they are). The concern is not that you want to be helpful, but how does this impact what you are doing and your family?

[Really? It just took a web? Who knew?]

Yay! Now you have to explain to us what exactly that is.;)

[My Little Brother is Missing and I Have No Idea What to Do : (]

:grouphug::grouphug:

[Please pray. Dh is driving me to the hospital. My dad had a heart attack.]

:grouphug::grouphug: Glad to hear he is stable.

[Remember my dying MIL and narcissistic SIL?]

:grouphug:Yes. I thought my mom's breathing seemed calmer because it was slower. Really, it was just slowing down until she just stopped breathing altogether.

 

If you want to be in the room, I would. I would be tempted to ask the nurse who is in the room if it seemed like MIL seemed agitated to let you know and you would leave. Make sure whatever choice you make, to listen to SIL or not, that you are o.k. with maybe not being in there at the end.

[I am quite bothered]

I really liked the books. The movie was better than I expected. My ds really wanted to see the movie, but dh nixed that. We told him he could read the books. I think although the books were graphic, the picture you create in your head is different than the images you see in the movie.