We have three modes: 1. Child is well, full steam ahead. 2. Child is half-sick, able to lie on couch and do at least some subjects. This varies depending on how well the child is able to concentrate. At the high end, most work is done but on the couch. At the low end, they do things that only require reading. 3. Child is sick enough to go to bed and sleep. No school.

"Our relationship with dd is somewhat strained, and we are considering family counseling." Because of this dating situation, or apart from it? Personally, if I were considering family counseling, I would keep the status quo until it could be discussed together with the counselor.

:iagree: Education will never be a "black box" only for "professionals" to handle again, like I suspect it was for your parents. It definitely was for mine. And I "get" your sadness over not connecting with your Dad's history interests.

Well, although time with extended family is important, I do also think you are within your rights to put some boundaries on it. I'd say something like, "I know you want to make sure your grandchildren get a quality education. To put in enough school days to make that happen, x number of weeks are available for extended family visits next year. Please get together and see how you'd like to divide that up." The number x might be 4, or 6, or whatever you want. I would also caution you to keep out at least a week or two for your own family to build your own vacation memories. Then, if the expectations are clear, then perhaps you would feel less ongoing frustration.

By the way, if he is very serious, then you should do four things starting at least in junior high school: 1) Ensure he is very fitness minded, has some sort of exercise program, and possibly even gets team sports experience. Military academies look for this. Team sports can possibly be very important if the applicant is a homeschooler. 2) Find him leadership opportunities. Military academies look for this. 3) Find out ASAP what branch of the service he wants to go into and check the medical requirements. This can be tough to really find out, but you can if you persist. No one will be happy if you and your son work toward these goals for YEARS and then he doesn't make it because he's color blind, has flat feet, or whatever. 4) Find out ASAP what military academy he wants to go to and keep abreast of requirements for homeschoolers. The academies, particularly the Air Force Academy, can be tougher for homeschoolers to get into than regular colleges. Keep very excellent records. Jump through all the hoops. Maybe twice. And keep checking to see if the requirements change over time.

"If I say we were gone on vacation Mon-Tues so we need to work some on Sat, it's a HUGE crying screaming meltdown." I like a lot of the others' suggestions, but I'd like to speak to this point. I think it would be wise BEFORE a trip like this for you to sit down with her and say, "If we go on this trip, it means we will miss xx amount of school. Of that, yy amount is critical and has to be made up. When would you like to do that?" In other words, I would give warning and create a plan in advance, not spring it on her afterwards. And if it's somewhere she really wants to go or is her idea, I would have the plan developed for handling the makeup work BEFORE agreeing that the family is going to go on the trip at all. "Hmmm, it's a good idea to do xx, but if we did, we would have to make up at least yy. If we can come up with a plan for doing that, then we can go."

:bigear:

There are lots of ideas at wallwords.com. And I like the Christopher Robin quotation ; ).

I've been very careful with what my children read. I decided long ago to fill our home with automatic "yes" books, books that were high quality. I didn't view it as controlling my children's tastes but as forming them. I had the classics on my shelf when I was growing up (Anne of Green Gables, Little House on the Prairie, etc.) and I felt that guarded me from being interested in too much "trash." I look back and am appalled that my mother just let me loose in the library every week, for YEARS. Yes, I did read some trash, but I didn't stick with it. I am grateful for tastes early formed. So on my children's free reading shelves are things like children's classics, Sonlight books, and Veritas Press books, along with other titles I have picked up along the way. The love reading, and they don't consider themselves oppressed. Sometimes upon request I have allowed them to move a historical novel from the school shelves to the free reading shelves ; ). I have allowed the occasional light reading, but we don't consume a steady diet of it. And nothing hugely junky except the Raggedy Ann series I have from when I was a child (although to be fair my DH HATES it). I am pleased with the results so far, although the jury is out probably until they have children of their own and decide how to stock their own shelves ; ). I at least dare to hope at this point that they will be the kind of people to HAVE books in their homes!

Bumping in case people logging on in the evening have anything to add. I have so appreciated the input.

These are all great points about different cultures. But both parties in our discussion are WASPs.

Thank you, everyone. I really appreciate hearing your perspectives.

:001_smile: I needed a smile today. Thank you.

Let me just say that I am SO appreciating the responses thus far. They are really helping me think/process.

To maintain board rules, let's just say that I am not positionally able to discount this person's opinion.

Yes, but how do you define that? The person who has this standard for me thinks that raising my voice at all qualifies as the above. ETA: I'm really not trying to be difficult. I'm trying to understand what the Biblical standard is.

This is someone's standard for me, not a personal conviction. The person thinks also that I am overall carnal and that is why I am not convicted about it.

Thank you for your prompt reply, Jean. Would you be willing to move your comments over to the new thread? I got the poll up now.

Daisy, I appreciate your comments. Would you be willing to move them to the new thread?

For conservative Christians: Do you believe that every time you raise your voice to your children, even a little, that is fleshly/carnal/a sin and you should confess and apologize? This is an honest poll, not a snarky one. ETA: I mean raising voice at all in the context of correction or instruction, due to Daisy's valid points on my old/failed thread.

Missed the poll option the first time around and then it doesn't give it again when you edit. So I'm deleting my content and trying again. Thanks, Jean, for your thoughtful answer!

Erased to try again.

That's terrific!

That's terrific! Kudos to both of you!

When I don't feel safe driving in it with the children anymore.