HollyDay Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 My 9 year old dd left class yesterday in tears and does not want to return. She does not even want to dance in the recital less than 2 weeks away. Dd has worked very hard this year and I was told yesterday (quietly on the side) that she has promoted into Ballet 4 for next year. But, her teacher has been a bit of a problem this year. She started the year very pregnant and delivered in Nov. The girls decided she was harsh because of the pregnancy. The teacher returned in Jan and things were okay. I heard other moms complain their dd's said that the teacher was mean. My dd said that she was "okay". Until last week. It seems the teacher just finished the recital choreography recently - like 2 classes ago. She started class early last week without making an announcement. She was "hard" last week. This week, dd said she was very harsh and told the class they were an embarrassment to her. She asked, "Do you think you are ready for recital? I dont think so." She then proceeded to tell the girls they were not going to dance well and would be an embarrassment to her. My dd was crushed. She loves ballet. She has always looked forward to dancing. She has been so excited about recital on the big stage. Now, she said she does not want to do it. There have been several girls dropping out in the past couple months. I am beginning to wonder if the teacher is the reason. Dd is no longer sure she wants to continue with ballet. Again, this is the child who loves it. Who counts the days down in summer for when class will start again. I am calling the studio this morning and asking to speak with the school administrator. We do pay for this service. I do expect dd to be taught, encouraged, corrected, and her love of the dance further developed. I do not expect her to be run down, discouraged, and frustrated to the point of leaving. Ideas?? Thoughts?? Suggestions for how to approach the administrator? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 I would talk directly to the teacher that is being "mean." Sometimes people get under a lot of stress and do not realize how they are coming across. I would not get emotional and I would be very kind, but she needs to realize how her harshness is discouraging her dancers. After you talk to her, I would encourage your daughter to give her another chance. If she is still harsh, I would find another studio for the next year. Would she still be your daughter's teacher in Ballet 4? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camibami Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 I would say it depends on how much you like the studio, and if others are available. Having a baby wreaks havoc on your emotions, so if she is not normally this way, but is now, I would chalk it up to that. Say something to the teacher, for sure, but if she is not usually this way, it must be that. If this teacher (or other teachers) *are* normally that way, you and your DD will have to decide if its "worth it". (We have some...uh...interesting motivational practices my DD's gymnastics coach and ballet instructors use.DDs have just decided to "deal", as its the only game in town.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 I think I would want to know more specifics about the form that the "meanness" takes. Also, I'd be curious to know if some of the girls really *were* acting up in class. While what she said may have been unduly harsh, I could understand comments like, "Do *you* think you're ready for the recital? *I* don't!" if half the class wasn't listening and three girls were hanging from the barres rather than working... Now really, that's an issue of classroom management, and a really good teacher should never let it get to that point -- but I can also understand how it happens. Perhaps she needs the chance to talk to some parents about behavior concerns in the classroom. Or maybe she needs a teacher's helper (even just one of the teen dancers at the school) to help her maintain control, so that she doesn't feel overwhelmed by discipline issues when she should be able to teach dance. On the other hand, there are teachers and coaches out there who seem to use humiliation as their primary motivator. And if she's one of those, there may be little hope for her. I would want to either talk to the teacher or sit in on a class before approaching the director. Gently, without emotion, let her know, "What I'm hearing from dd...", "Is that accurate?", "Is there anything I can do to help take some of the pressure off?"... She may not realize how she comes across to the girls. She may have learned to dance under a different style of teaching (coughRussiancough), she may just be horribly stressed out and need someone to express concern. As far as dd is concerned, I would gently push her to stick with it, to look forward to the recital and next year (assuming she'll have a different instructor)... Yes, sometimes we face discouraging moments in almost anything we do. She can get past that. She can work hard to be a leader in the class this last few weeks... She can learn that you love her and support her and believe in her even when there's a discouraging outside voice. ... If there were months and months left with this teacher, my response might be different. But with only a few weeks left, I would be sympathetic to the hurt and frustration, but I would encourage her to persevere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3lilreds in NC Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 I agree with Abbey - talk to the teacher, observe if you can, and see what's going on. Also, do encourage your dd to finish out the year. We all have negative experiences to endure, and it would be such a shame for her to give up dance because of one teacher. I'm sorry your dd is having to deal with this. It does sound like there is something going on with the teacher, but since it's so close to the end of the year, I hope she can see it through even if nothing changes. However, if you talk to the teacher, observe the class, and see something that concerns you, absolutely talk to the director. With a noticeable number of students dropping the class, I would say there is more than the average amount of "hard truth" talk going on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bee Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 In the 10 years that oldest dd has been dancing she has had 2 years where girls dropped out in the last few weeks or decided not to attend the recital. It not only makes the dance instructor's job harder (because they have to re-choreograph the dance), it frustrates all the other dancers who have to learn new steps again. And their parents who have to deal with the stressed-out girls. In our house the general rule is: if you start something and other people are counting on you to be there you finish it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EarleneW Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 If there is only 2 weeks left, I would make her tough it out and dance in the recital. She made a commitment to the class and needs to follow through. I would talk to the director and make sure that this would not happen again next year though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jujsky Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 It sounds harsh to me if she JUST finished the choreography for the recital piece, yet she's criticizing the girls for not being ready for it. In my DD's dance class they've been working on their recital piece since January, and they were introduced to the last piece of the choreography weeks ago -- and this is for a June recital. It sounds to me like there really is a problem if all the girls are complaining. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HollyDay Posted May 7, 2009 Author Share Posted May 7, 2009 yes, there really is a problem and it is not the girls. These girls - 8 of them (down from 14) all really love ballet. They are all committed, serious students. Not a one would be considered a problem maker or "class clown". In fact, the admin said she felt the energy level of this class was "low" because the girls are so quite and studious and that was a problem for the teacher. I just dont see how that is a problem to have dedicated, committed students who want to learn. The admin left it that she would speak with the teacher and get back to me. But, she was firm that no parent may observe next Wed class. I am concerned (and said so) that the attitude of the teacher could be worse because of this conversation. The admin did not feel that her teacher needed a "watchdog" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 I'd observe the next couple of times. My daughter LOVES her ballet teacher. Interesting things pop out when you're trying to motivate children who aren't concentrating. I've just talked to her ballet instructor about giving some last minute motivators to my daughter. "Listen from the beginning, Concentrate, try to be respectful of your teacher's time, act like you care, do you want to take ballet? prove it..." You can't get girls to really learn...if you have to warm them up every time! You shouldn't have to speak sharply before they listen. SO, I'm reminding my daughter, who LOVES ballet....to be on top of her lessons. I know her teacher is right on top of things, and sounds sharp.....BUT, I want them to listen...to do well....and to get my time and moneys worth.... Maybe some "Peacemakers" skills would come into play with finding a "win-win" situation. :-) The last few weeks are VERY stressful for studios..... Carrie:-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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