Looking after 12yr twins for summer - help?

[Mere2]

I'm in a strange situation and it feels really weird posting it, however here it is:

 

It looks like my sisters twins will be staying with me for their summer holidays :hurray: Whilst I am really looking forward to it - I am also terrified.....I have a 7 and 5yr old, only hormones my house are mine!! I haven't been able to see alot of them as we have all been living in different parts of the world and my sister and I dont talk very much. (Very different people and life style). However the twins mean the world to me and I have just been biding my time until their parents let them have a bit more freedom and visit us.

 

They have had a very tough year in England with alot of stresses (family and school), so I think they will really need a holiday, although it will be wet and cold here as it will be winter then and not school holidays here. (Australia).

 

What should I expect? I have heard that they fight alot with each other (boy and girl), which I will not be used to as my two dont fight very often. I also believe that quite a bit of lying and (stealing?) and bad attitude has been occuring. I know in writing they sound dreadful, but they are really nice kids, bright (in the gifted classes at school) , but they have a really crummy home life and they are crying out for attention.

 

I would like to be able to let them relax, have fun and know whats its like being part of a loving family - give them something to hold onto during the hard times.

 

So what do your 12yr olds like to do? Do they play board games/ imagination games or is it all just computers and sulking in dark corners? How do you discipline them/ set boundaries? Do they still let you cuddle them? (loved giving them cuddles as kids but haven't seen them for a few years now!) Apparently they have no friends at school, so I am not too concerned about the social side of things - although there are at least 4 teenage boys in my street!

 

How do I continue to hs my DD and DS with another 2 kids in a tiny house??!!

 

Any advice in how to approach this would be much appreciated. I really want this trip to be successful (in their eyes and their parents)....so hopefully every summer they can come out to Australia and get to know the rest of their family.

 

TIA

Fi

[mamaof2andtwins]

Are you really willing to take on all that this will entail? It doesn't sound like they are coming for a break. It sounds like there might be some hope that you will fix their problems.

 

I have children that age, but they have lived with me all there lives. So, they know what to expect from me.

 

The first rule in my house for all the kids, but it is especially important with teenagers is that I am the mom. I make the rules. You must always talk to me with respect even if you disagree. I never ever let that one go. You can disagree, but you must always be respectful. We have fun. We enjoy each other, but they are never to talk disrespectfully to me.

 

You must decide with your husband in advance how you will handle the fighting, lying, stealing, or whatever problem you think you will encounter.

 

I don't think this will be easy for you, and I think it will take a lot of your time and energy. It will take them time to fit into your system. You might just be getting into the swing of things when the vacation time is over.

 

I wish you the best.

Jennie

[MamaT]

Oh my. You are going to have your hands full.

 

IMO kids at that age are testing boundaries. They are beginning to want to be treated as adults, but are still very much children. They can act very mature and reasonable one day, and pitch fits like a two yo the next. With my own, I think they acted out just to make sure I would stick to my guns; just to make sure the boundaries were still there.

 

I would appeal to the side of them that wants to be treated as adults. Get them to help you with the two youngers. You said they are gifted. Maybe they could actually help you teach some subjects? Let them know up front what the rules are in your house and let them know you expect them to be examples to their cousins.

 

At that age, IMO, kids need LOTS of love and acceptance, and firm and fast rules that do not change with their emotions. They may not have the maturity to express what they need, but knowing that the rules and boundaries are not going to change actually gives them a sense of safety and security.

[Danestress]

both boys, though, so I can't say much about girls.

 

Mine like to be very busy - one plays tennis and one swims. I would try to find a way they can get daily physical exercise - perhaps you have a local swim pool and they could be on the team, or you can get them in a soccer clinic. Maybe just ask them. I know that costs a bit of money, but I think it's crucial to being able to deal with kids this age. I also think that at this age, hanging out around the house is not necessarily a good idea. They need more to do.

 

Then when mine relax, they like to read. They do not watch a lot of tv - just because there is not a lot on for this age group. They don't even ask or think about it. I know that some kids really like the television though. They do not play computer or video games, but they do have DS and play maybe twice a week for an hour. They are busy though, and don't think about it the other days. Again, busy is good, even though one of my sons is an introvert and also needs a lot of time alone.

 

One of my sons is still cuddly, the other is not.

 

I would mentally make a list of lots of field trips that you could take the children on. That would allow them to get out more.

 

My sons don't play a lot of imagination games but they do like board games and other games.

 

I will tell you one thing. If I were trying to do this, I might consider letting the twins stay up late if they like - that will make them happy and let them feel "grown up" and give you time that you can play games or watch movies with them that maybe you don't can't do with your own children. THen in the mornings, the twins sleep in later and you get a couple of hours to school with your children or to have alone cuddle time with them. As long as the twins don't get crabby from being up late, I think that might let you get a balance of core family time, and twin time, and also will let the twins have a few hours a day when they can relax alone or with you without the "little ones."

 

Don't be scared. This will be fun. And I bet the twins will fight a lot less at your house than they do at home. My kids never fight when they are off with other people - only at home, and mostly when they are bored.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I agree with Tammy. Appeal to the "wanna be an adult" side of them. Give them plenty of opportunity to prove they are responsible and capable.

 

A few ideas...I think ideally you'll forge a relationship with them and forget about "fixing" them. What things can you do together?

 

I'd start with a movie night. They get to pick the movie (take turns?). It can be done after bedtime if the movie is a bit more mature than a 5yo will enjoy. Or if they choose a kiddie movie, you can do it earlier. They can also choose the special dessert for that night. You can help with details, of course.

 

Volunteer opportunities would be good. That keeps the focus on other people. Just load them up and have a good day together. If they don't like the idea at first, they'll probably come around as the day wears on. You might find some opportunities with more kids involved also or based on their interests (if one loves dogs, maybe the animal shelter?).

 

Field trips seem to work well with all ages. Surely there is something different in Austrailia than in England. But even a new zoo or aquarium or art museum can be neat.

 

Exercise would be a plus. Can you get them cheap bikes? Is there some sort of sport opening for the time they'll be there? Do y'all have indoor swimming pools? Does your homeschool group have sports or PE? Do y'all take a daily walk after supper?

 

Is there something they'd like to learn? Could they "intern" with a local scientist, business person, hospital, etc?

 

Anyway, maybe come up with a list. Give all sorts of options to do inside and outside the house.

 

Oh, and give them chores. This is one of the first things shared with foster parents here. Children like to feel useful, worthy, helpful, valuable. Don't load them up, probably not even as much as you'd give your own 12yos, but SOMETHING.

 

And enjoy.

[plansrme]

I agree with Pamela: give them structure, such as daily chores and a little bit of school work. My kids are much easier to get along with in the summer if they don't have hours of uninterrupted nothingness. You could have them do school for just an hour or so a day--a project on Australia, reading a book of your choosing, etc.

 

Since they're good students and older, perhaps you also could put them in charge of teaching a subject to one or both of your kids for the summer. They could listen to read-alouds, play math games, etc. with the youngers. That would make them feel less left out during the schooling day and give you a break. If they have any special skills (they swim or play tennis, for example), they could teach whatever that is to the youngers, or to all of you.

 

First thing I would do is set a limit or completely prohibit video games so they don't hole up in their rooms like hermits.

 

Terri

[In The Great White North]

Wow, you've gotten a lot of good advice. We had a 13 and 15 year old come stay with us (only for a few weeks) to "improve" their English. Things that helped were:

 

1. Sports. They tagged along with ours, but if they had stayed for the whole summer, I would have signed them up for soccer of their own. Burns off the excess energy.

 

2. Laid out the rules ahead of time. We knew their parents and knew most of their rules were similar to ours (clear your plates, pick up after yourself, etc, so we just spelled out the differences. Kids need to know what's expected of them.

 

3. Keep them "entertained." Bored kids fight more. I've seen it with my own. We took these guys to every tourist trap within a 1000 miles (NYC, DC, Niagara Falls, etc) Our dc were old enough to appreciate the sights too. We had them help around the house and yard, with regular chores and bigger projects.

[Rosie_0801]

Perhaps get into something like the SCA? That is good inspiration for keeping everyone busy and isn't too expensive. They can continue with that when they go home, as there are plenty of groups in England too.

 

This site: http://www.downunderlit.com/ has a bunch of Australian resources for history and nature study. You've probably seen them before, but just in case...

 

Rosie