Homeschooling a special needs child

[blessedmom3]

I am not sure if I can do it or if I should do it. I have a 4 1/2 yo and sometimes I am very frustrated with him. He is very different than his siblings ( 5 1/2 yo and 3 yo) . I know they are all different but I mean he is really the most different of any child I know. We still don't know if he has a mild autism , Dyspraxia or other learning disabilities. The developmental pediatrician said he does not have any of these but only mild language delay and social anxiety. I doubt . From what I've been reading on the internet , it seems he might have very high functioning autism or Dyspraxia or both . His eye contact ispoor and he never joins a group of children at church or school to play with them. His fine motor skills are delayed , he still cannot copy well a letter .He is not able to put on a shirt. Very messy eater. Poor listening / comprehension skills. Doesn't seem to understand stories from books or answer questions .He is like a 2 or 3 year old in behaviour . I would like to help him but I don't know how. It does not work in the traditional way. I have a 5 yo who is reading at 3rd grade level and almost a 3 yo who started to learn letters sounds . So even though I am not a teacher by training (I am a RN) and am not an English native (I moved to US 6 yrs ago but my English is still not perfect) , my ability to effectivelly teach my children is not that poor.

 

So why it doesn't work with him?

I've tried games, workbooks , computer games, Bob Books for reading... nothing seems to be effective to teach him the letters sounds. He cannot focus well but he is not hyperactive at all. In fact he is the most quiet of all my kids . He loves to sit for a longtime with books studying the pictures but cannot bear me reading to him for more than a few minutes.

Also , I've tried for months to teach him the phone N&address . Sometimes he doesn't even answer correctly to "What is your name?" .He says 3 . First his name is Jake and he is not 3 he is 4 , but he forgets that.

 

However , he seems to be smart in some areas:knows all shapes,colors, count to 20 , letters names, all this for over one year but since then he di n't progress almost at all except a little more language.

 

 

So for you who have a child like mine does homeschooling work and what do you or have you used ? Or is it better to put him in a special program with special teachers that know better than me how to help him ?

Please share !

Frustrated !

[dtsmamtj]

For us, keeping our children at home and meeting their need where they are at has been the best investment of time and money. My son's speech therapist that he had and others have said that this was the best thing for him - brake it down to his level and then move him forward at his pace. Our son is now only a year behind - if you pay attention to what those his age are doing. Your child is very young. Our son wasn't even talking in multiple words until about 5 1/2 - 6 - he babbled more than he spoke before that. He is now 11 and doing over half of his coursework at grade level. We continue to work on his weak areas of vocabulary and comprehension, but progress is being made. My son learned to read by listening to his sister and myself when we did her coursework. I would just keep our son with me at the table doing other things. I wanted him to just "hear" what was being taught and when he was ready to put it all together in his timing it clicked for him. HTH

 

T

[ElizabethB]

I would try Leapfrog's "Talking Letter Factory" for the letter sounds, they pack a lot of repetition into a short period.

 

Also, you might need to focus on syllables if there are language issues, my dyslexia page explains why syllables are helpful, with pictures! (scroll down to about 1/3 of the way down, "The atomic nature of syllables,"

 

http://www.thephonicspage.org/On%20Reading/dyslexia.html

[VinNY]

Have you had him evaluated by an OT and speech Pathologist? My dtr has dyspraxia and a severe expressive and receptive language delay. She also didn't respond to being read to etc. OT has helped her immensely. We do follow-up exercises at home with OT and with speech. I would not wait to get help. I also knew something was up with my child at that age, but didn't have her evaluated till she was almost 6. Once she began receiving therapy, her learning gates began to open. SHe is a struggling learner but at least I understand how to teach her now.

Virginia

[Laurie4b]

Is your child getting speech and language therapy or occupational therapy? I would start with evaluations from professionals in both those areas if they haven't been done. As you see how they conduct treatment, etc., you should be able to get som e ideas for what to do at home. (OT would deal with the messy eating, not being able to dress, holding pencil, etc.) Since you have reason to doubt the opinion of the pediatrician you've consulted, I would also seek a second opinion from a generalist such as another developmental pediatrician. It doesn't sound like you've received any concrete help in understanding your son, even at a very basic level, since you are puzzled why techniques that worked for your gifted children don't work with him. His brain is wired differently and he will need a lot of very specific help and techniques. You can certainly provide these at home once you've learned them. But you need first to have a sound idea of what is going on with your son, and it doesn't sound like the results of the evaluation you've had to this point line up with your observations. So keep pushing until you get evaluations that make sense to you and until you get treatments that are working and that you can do at home. This is the most basic stuff, well before letters, etc. Also, the social stuff is THE most important key to his success in life. While you can get some help on the internet, I don't think it's a substitute for the kind of help you get from caring human beings who are actually seeing your son and working directly with him.

 

One major factor in whether you should homeschool your son is the impact on your relationship with him. Homeschooling will intensify all the dynamics between parent and child--both the good and the bad. Right now, you are frustrated and don't know what to do. Once you find out what is wrong and learn some effective techniques, your frustration will probably decrease. But some children just take a lot out of their caregivers and some parents of special needs kids find that they are better parents when someone else takes on the teaching parts, even for part of a day. At your son's age, if you live in the US, he should be eligible for early intervention services, free, through the school system. You can have therapists come to your home, or in many areas, there are specialized, part-time classes he can attend. Some parents can re-energize during the break that the part-time program gives them; others are fine with doing it all themselves.

 

The most important thing is keeping a good parent-child relationship, one in which you are able to be supportive and advocate for your son no matter where he is getting his education. How supportive is your husband in terms of parenting your son, pursuing therapies, etc?

[jolley]

My ds 6 is going to a developmental pediatrician in July to be diagnosed with Aspergers. He was very similar to the way you describe your son. His learning also seems to come in waves. One of his "obsessions" is to memorize things; so getting him to learn his ABC's and such as lists was easy. I used Ruth Beechick's Strong Start in Reading to teach that and it worked well. I understand the frustration. My ds has the fine and gross motor skills of a 4 to 5 year old and will be 7 in April. Handwriting without Tears at one grade level behind worked well also but I didn't start that until he was 5. What is he obsessed with? I have found that I can take his obsessions and turn them into learning. My son likes documentaries instead of cartoons. He doesn't always express in words what he learned from them but it ALWAYS comes out in his play. My ds couldn't pass a preschool science or history test. One thing I did was to back off (think starting kindergarten a 6 instead of 5) and focus and reading, writing and math. Yes homeschooling is working. Setting him in a group of kids would be torture. It would be unfair to cause that kind of stress on him.

 

I hope this makes since I had a million little interruptions!

[Julesnpebbles@suddenlink.]

I don't have exactly the same problem but I do have a difficult child. I am currently reading the book "Homeschooling the Challenging Child" by Christine M. Field. I recommend you read the book as I already feel like I feel better just having someone to identify with!! I wish I could add more, but I'm looking at this thread for suggestions. :grouphug:

[Mom22ns]

I know it isn't very popular to say on a homeschooling board, but the public schools could help you. Your son is still young enough for Early Childhood Special Education (ECSE) programs. Contact the local schools and request an evaluation. Make a phone call and find out who you need to talk to and if they don't schedule an evaluation with you on the phone, put the request in writing and mail it to them. IF (and that is a big IF) your district has a good ECSE program, they will identify your child's weaknesses, provide OT and speech in a preschool setting, probably 4 half days per week. They can also provide home visits from the teacher where she will work with your son in your house and you can watch and learn some techniques for teaching him. This is a great way to get some free OT and speech and some ideas for working with your son.

 

With his delays, you can't expect him to progress at the rate of your other children. He can still learn and do great things. You will need some help learning how to work with him and getting the services he needs. The schools may not be much help at all, but everything they do is free. It is a great place to start. Our local schools have an awesome ECSE program. The teachers, OT & Speech therapist are the best you can get. Just because they work with him 16 hours/week doesn't mean you can't still work with him at home and it doesn't mean you have to send him to public school for the rest of his life. Just take what you need and learn what you can, and leave when you are ready :001_smile:

 

Debbie

[Becki in IN]

I sent my most severely disabled dd to PS for two years. It was a good experience. I found out she could do more than I thought she could. It may not be a popular decision here, but it was good for us.

[blessedmom3]

Thank you all for your helpful and informative replies ! I would like to thank especially to Laurie4b for her reply . I realize I am not fit to teach my child at home and for him it would be best to go to Public school. Unfortunately I don't have patience with him ...it's sad but I feel very stressed out especially that I am pregnant and with three other children under five it's not easy.

 

Right now he does receive speech therapy at school and he was evaluated . His language is at about 3 1/2 yo and he is 4 1/2 . Also he does have some obsessions . So maybe when he will be older , he will be dg with Aspergers but from what I read Aspergers don't have language delay.

[Dobela]

Another possible diagnosis is Pervasive Developmental Delay. I used to work in a preK developmental center and that was a common dx for children just like yours. I highly recommend finding a center that can do a complete developmental eval as soon as possible. A good occupational therapist with sensory integration training can help work miracles. It will also help your son receive needed services sooner when he enters public school.

 

I have a grown brother that was recently finally diagnosed with Autism after years of not really knowing just why he was wired that way. IN trying to help him receive disability, another examiner said it wasn't Autism, but Aspergers. 4 evals later and we have decided that the label is not as important as the assistance it can provide. Each person who evaluated him gave a reason why they thought Aspergers or Autism, and each one had a different reason. I say this to point out that some testing is subjective, even though it isn't supposed to be. And as children grow and change, the diagnosis can change as well.

 

In the meantime, :grouphug: