Chris in VA Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Long story short--(yeah, right--it's Chris in VA, after all, the Woman with Nary an Unpublished Thought...) My oldest brother died several years ago from lymphoma. I am pretty close with his two kids and my sil. My other brother (5 years older than I am) is married, too, with two kids. He and I have never really been close. We have many differences, the biggest being he's an Atheist and I'm not. Over the years, he has distanced himself and his family from my brother's family and from mine. There is hurt somewhere in there--he feels we never accepted his wife, who is Jewish. Honestly, I'd like to be closer to him and his wife/kids. I feel a little like, well, he started it and doesn't want to be close. No cards on birthdays for 6 years (never sends any for the kids, and didn't even acknowledge their births), no Christmas/Holiday presents this year, never never calls, etc. It's like I don't exist. I call him once in a blue moon, but I've pretty much given up. I want to apologize for hurting him and his family (although I'm honestly not sure how I've done that--no fights, no ugly words, no "ooo, She's not a Christian!" carp AT ALL, EVER.). I want to see if we can at least have some sort of relationship. He has Cystic Fibrosis and went thru a lung transplant about 7 years ago--he truly has lived much longer than anyone ever thought, but probably doesn't have another 10 years (but who knows?). So, I need words. I need to know some way of saying I'm sorry and I want a relationship if he does. Anyone willing to go there? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lux Et Veritas Academy Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Generally the Hey if I offended you in any way will you forgive me? Gives them the opportunity to act and frees our own soul. Then you have done your part. Good luck this is a tough one. I posted a great thing on forgiveness last year here on my blog (scroll down the post and you will see it) http://www.domesticlifestyle.com/Domestic_Lifestyle/Blog/Entries/2008/3/20_12_Things_that_the_Amish_have_Taught_ME.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMindy Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 First of all, I think there are quite a few men who don't really call their sisters or acknowledge their kids b-days or anything. I would probably just start calling him and chatting. If it seems akward, I'd just say, I would really like us to be closer. You could certainly apologize for whatever you have done to contribute to the distance, but that you really want to work to overcome it. Good luck!! I hope you become closer to your brother and family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LG Gone Wild Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Start with a phone call, "Hi, it's me. I was just thinking of you and your family wanted to see how you guys were doing." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sojourner Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 First of all, I think there are quite a few men who don't really call their sisters or acknowledge their kids b-days or anything. I would probably just start calling him and chatting. If it seems akward, I'd just say, I would really like us to be closer. You could certainly apologize for whatever you have done to contribute to the distance, but that you really want to work to overcome it. Good luck!! I hope you become closer to your brother and family. I agree wholeheartedly with Mindy. Something also to consider is you mentioned he has been unwell and when that occurs sometimes you only have enough strength to get through your days taking care of your own and your spouse and children's needs. Even a card or call at that time can seem like too much to accomplish and may account for his "distancing". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ancora_Imparo Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Also, make a point of wanting to talk to the wife. My in-laws have made a point of not talking to me and it has affected their relationship with dh. If they called and were actually interested in me and not just asking me questions about dh and dd or immediately asking for dh or dd, it would go a long way in repairing the relationship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Katia Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 I like the idea of a casual phone call. Something with the contents along the line of: "Hey! Just wanted to call and see what you are all up to and reconnect. I'm so sorry I haven't been good at keeping in touch with you but you are always in my thoughts. Let's get together and get caught up, ok?" (and set a time and date - don't leave it to 'sometime') Maybe? I'm not sure I could actually 'call' and say this.....but I could write it in an email or a note! :001_smile: I'm not good with this kind of thing at all and I congratulate you on taking the first step towards reconciliation. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
love2read Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 My brother never calls and we would go years without contact if I didn't pick up the phone, so don't use that as an inidication of there being a problem. I call and talk to my brother's wife from time to time. We aren't close, it's awkward and I'd rather not do it, but it keeps the line of communication open. I'd do what the others suggested and just call. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted February 10, 2009 Author Share Posted February 10, 2009 THanks all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MBH Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 If his, his wife's, or his children's birthday is approaching, I would use it as an excuse to call and say that you were thinking of them and see how the conversation is going. If it goes well, then ask him if there is anything you have done to offend him. Sometimes people don't talk to each other, not necessarily because they don't like each other. Rather, it can be because their values are so different that they don't see any hope of having a relationship. Just a thought. Most likely he likes you, but doesn't agree with your values. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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