Twinmom Posted January 25, 2009 Share Posted January 25, 2009 I'm overwhelmed, I admit it! I'm homeschooling four dc with special needs (9, 7, 5 and 5), three of whom are hyper little boys. My DD has an anxiety disorder that requires me to readjust my expectations on a daily basis and work closely with her on almost all assignments. The three boys are, well, boys! Bright but never quiet...never. Two are probably ADD, the third has special medical needs. All of this I'm used to and can currently handle. What I CAN'T handle is the housework/cooking/DH care/dog training, etc. and still have time for self-care (ie, exercise, good diet, mental health, etc.). Not to turn this into husband-bashing because my DH is wonderful...but he's not helping much. He is wonderful with the kids and spends lots of time with them. However, he now has ragingly high cholesterol and needs a special diet...not to mention the fact that he has extremely high standards for the house. I understand that he has a demanding job and often travels. However, since adding homeschooling these four (on year 2!), I'm over the limit as well and need more assistance. I've asked him for help in several areas, but he feels he is unwilling/unable to do more than he is currently doing. He is a wonderful guy, don't get me wrong. Just had a Momma who did everything around the house and got used to it! He's struggling even to manage nighttime family Bible study, so it's likely I'm not going to get more help than I have now. I have a housecleaner 2x a month. I have the kiddos doing what chores they can...they help hang up their laundry, clean up their rooms (doing a minimal job, but they try), carrying over dishes, etc. They are young and do what they can, but often I have to do it with them. Sometimes I pay DD9 to help the littles. DH will bathe them and put them to bed (doesn't like it, but will do it!) and will grocery shop for me. The dog is a hyper breed and needs lots of exercise...I'm the only one who will walk her, but I guess that's alright. I may just have to suck it up till they are older, but right now I just feel like there is NO time for me. If I don't keep up with the house and have dinner planned, DH is unhappy and I am stressed. I'd love to lower my standards, but mine are DH's as well... I don't feel healthy, have little time for relationships, rarely leave the house. Hmphh. I love my family, but I'm just wiped. Any thoughts? Encouragement? Ideas? Commiseration? I'm open to all! ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted January 25, 2009 Share Posted January 25, 2009 first--:grouphug::grouphug: Can you downsize your stuff? Less to clean means more time spent on non-cleaning! Can you designate a couple of hours sometime during the week when the whole family can clean together, including hubby? We used to do about 2 hours on Saturday am's--put on The Beatles, and each kid got a list. I usually did bathrooms, the kids helped pick up, dh vaccuumed, I mopped--Just two hours and the place was much better. Is it the cleaning or the picking up that's worse? Getting rid of stuff helps with the latter. Having a place for everything helps, too. Can you maybe set aside a daily cleaning time? Just 15 minutes of picking up and putting away can help, as can something like Motivated Moms, which has a daily list for essentials. I guess my last advice is simply to take the time you need (at least some of it). Just take it. Set an appointment with yourself--just as if you were going to the Dr. One friend used to swim for two hours (actually for an hour, but she was gone two hours) every Friday, by herself. Her hubby gave her that time as a gift, every week. I go out about once a month with dear friends, and we have lovely, deep conversations about our piety, our study, and our Christian action. It's called a Reunion Group, and it is supposed to happen once a week, but we do what we can. Sometimes we go sit in the empty church sanctuary, wrapped in blankets, with only the altar lights on. It's very fulfilling. You can take a short time everyday, also, and maybe walk, or hide in the bedroom, or take a bath. Just do it, and tell your hubby that you know he wants you to be healthy and happy, and that he will support you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 I think Chris's ideas are good. I would say- without you taking care of yourself, the whole family will fall apart. You are the centre pin around which the household turns. You are putting yourself too low on the priority list- you give yourself time when everything else is done, but how about iving yourself some time as a top priority and then see. It's like the airoplane oxygen mask thing- put your own mask on first. Of course thats not easy, but mentally reprioritising yourself in the scheme of things might help you find a way to balance the rest of things.Say no sometimes. Get take away sometimes. Ask for what you really want. It also helps you see more clearly, puts things in perspective. Your dh may not be espcially supportive in the way you want, but that doesnt mean you can't run a bath, or get up earlier, or take an afternoon nap- whether he likes it or not. We have cereal or egg nights here when I am too tired to cook. The only thing dh cooks is eggs. Dog training would be a biggie for me- I could only do it if it fitted in with my daily walk, which is how I trained my dog. Dh bought a 2nd dog recently and it barely gets walked because I just don't have the patience or time to train another dog- and this one is a hyper little thing. So its dh's responsibility. Good luck finding a way to balance it all...dont undervalue yourself and what you are doing for your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda in VT Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 You asked how you can get more help. It seems to me there are three possibilities: 1. Your kids help more. 2. Your husband helps more. 3. You hire more help. It sounds like 2 is out. Eventually, 1 will work, but your kids might be a little young still to provide the level of help you are seeking. In four years, there will be a huge difference. (I say this as the mother of a 13 yo and two 9 yos.) So that leaves 3. Is that a possibility? Could you have your cleaner come every week? Could you hire someone for meal planning and food prep? (A friend of mine used to have someone come in every two weeks and prepare two weeks' worth of dinners, stick them in the fridge or freezer, and clean up the kitchen.) If hiring more help is not an option, I'd have a serious conversation about housekeeping standards. I'd be pretty forceful.:D :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 If hiring more help is not an option, I'd have a serious conversation about housekeeping standards. I'd be pretty forceful.:D :grouphug: I'm with more help. Also, have you tried to change anything organizationally? Clock your time spent on things for a week. Where are you losing time? Have you tried something like Speed Cleaning (google). This cut out my bad habits (like running back and forth to the trash can for every crumb). Have you tried the cook ahead for a month method? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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