Just thought someone would enjoy reading this...

[PeterPan]

It's a post by SWB from a thread on stress and anxiety in homeschooling back from many months ago... It's part of a larger thread http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=19194&highlight=block+scheduling

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by dorothy

What to do? I remember hearing SWB say she wished her mom had not worried so.

 

Yeah. Well, I expect in twenty years my kids will be saying the same thing about me. Not worrying is my GOAL. Like everyone else, I wake up at 2 AM and wonder if I'm ruining my kids.

 

(I'm not kidding. Is there a mom out there who DOESN'T do this? I'm not sure I'll believe you if you post, but go right ahead.)

 

A certain level of anxiety is part of the process, and I don't think it's realistic to expect yourself to be anxiety-free. Anyway, why are fun and stress mutually exclusive? They often go together in important undertakings.

 

If you're not having ANY fun, I'd re-evaluate. You sound like you're putting yourself under an enormous amount of pressure. (Maybe you could ease up on the Protestant work ethic a bit? )

 

But I kind of wish the therapist had asked you: OK, at what point would you feel NOT stressed? How much home schooling would you have to do, in order to feel that you were doing a perfectly adequate job? What would your kids need to learn so that you felt you'd done your job right?

 

And then there are a string of questions that follow this...When would you feel that you've been a good enough wife? When is your house clean enough...? You get the idea. I've been there and done that. It's exhausting. For me, right now it takes the form: When have you covered the History of the World in ENOUGH detail? The answer is: Never. No job I could ever do would match up to the standard I have in my mind.

 

Anxiety is so often unconnected with what we're actually doing; it's connected with some perfect ideal we've set up for ourselves, one that can never be reached by any human being at any time.

 

I don't know if any of this makes sense to you. And I don't know you, or your therapist. But if you were one of my close friends, telling me this, I'd say: I think you need to find a therapist who understands grace. Otherwise, "having fun" becomes one more of those impossible standards you set up for yourself, and you'll collapse under its weight.

 

SWB

[prairiegirl]

Thank you for posting this. I have been wading in doubt and anxiety for the last little while and this post was a much needed read.

 

Thanks.

[abreakfromlife]

What a great post. Thanks for finding it and sharing it.

 

 

Anxiety is so often unconnected with what we're actually doing; it's connected with some perfect ideal we've set up for ourselves, one that can never be reached by any human being at any time.

So, so true. I think that kind of goes along with the whole 'shoot for the stars; if you miss you'll land on the moon' type of thing. I have to have a high standard in my mind, otherwise I will settle for way less than I should. I was just writing down last night everything we've done so far and where we're at in our schoolwork. I have 3 very little ones and so we've taken quite a few weeks off and gotten derailed a lot this year and it feels like I haven't accomplished much; but looking at where we're at and what we've done, we've actually done quite a bit. Not as much as I wanted, according to the high standard in my mind, but enough that I can be satisfied with 'good enough'.

[Rhondabee]

Thanks, OhElizabeth!

 

I really needed this....

 

=)

Rhonda

[Beth in SW WA]

Thanks, OhElizabeth!

 

I really needed this....

 

=)

Rhonda

 

Me, too! Thanks!

[sagira]

Thanks :grouphug:

[Mom2boys]

Thanks Elizabeth for the very timely post (as I sit here and reflect on all we didn't accomplish in the first half of the school year). :eek:

[PeterPan]

Oh Greta, YOU didn't accomplish?? Think about me! I didn't do nearly what I had hoped, am in a muddle of indecision, and don't really feel awesome enough to even sort it out! So somehow I'm resorting to sticking with what we're doing, tweaking our schedule (or getting more emphatic) to make it go a little better, and hope for the best. Throwing a baby into the mix really messes with things! And it's really the indecision that bugs me the most. I had made no plans for 2nd semester, and now I'm realizing that was a HUGE mistake. I should have thought through this when I had my prego decisiveness!!

 

I'm actually closer than it sounds. Just gotta keep working on it. See part of the reality, is that a 10 am start time doesn't get it all done by 2. ;)

[Mom2boys]

But think what you did accomplish! You brought a human being into this world. And think how much your daughter is learning about babies and mothering. The rest will sort itself out in time.

 

Staying up this late, posting on the forums, doesn't really make for productive school days, does it? We've had some of those 10am start times too. :blush:

[PeterPan]

Yeah, in our house that 10 am start time is 8 am rise (not too bad?) plus an hour of playing with the baby (gotta, right?) plus an hour of oops forgot to get dressed, feed the animals, eat breakfast, and run laps to get perky. By that point it's getting late! :)

 

But yes, she's learning a lot about mothering and we're having a ball with the baby. Baby doesn't seem to mind us either. Seems to me at this point we might as well have one a year for a while and just totally lose our minds. Just joking.

 

Oh, and on the schoolwork, I've decided to cut myself some slack and not expect to be back to "normal" or fullly in the swing of things like we used to be. Somehow, pre-baby, I thought January would come and we would be back to normal. Try as I might, we aren't! And in fact, I'm realizing those days of deliciously sitting around teaching one child are gone forever!

[Teri H.; Oregon]

Thanks!