Drama Llama Posted November 28, 2022 Author Share Posted November 28, 2022 (edited) . . . Edited November 29, 2022 by Baseballandhockey 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted November 29, 2022 Author Share Posted November 29, 2022 (edited) ... Edited December 2, 2022 by Baseballandhockey 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Not_a_Number Posted November 29, 2022 Share Posted November 29, 2022 Actually, I have question. I think I'm missing something here. What's the concern with the tracker? Is it that your DH knows where you are? But doesn't your DH mostly know where you are? I assume you're mostly at home? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted November 29, 2022 Author Share Posted November 29, 2022 (edited) . . . Edited November 29, 2022 by Baseballandhockey 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Not_a_Number Posted November 29, 2022 Share Posted November 29, 2022 (edited) 3 minutes ago, Baseballandhockey said: I would rather he never knows where I am. But yes, he can probably predict that I'm home in the evenings, although I'm gone a lot. But at home, i have a door that locks. I have a protective order that means that I can call for help. And, if I know he's really escalated I can go elsewhere, or have someone with me. That makes sense, thanks. I'm really sorry you have to be dealing with this 😕 . Do you know why he'd want to know your location? Just pure control issues or does he want something? Edited November 29, 2022 by Not_a_Number Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Not_a_Number Posted November 29, 2022 Share Posted November 29, 2022 (edited) The thing I keep coming back to is that you can't stay enmeshed with DH's family and also expect him not to know where you are. Either you aren't that worried about him knowing where you are (I have no idea how scary he is; that's something only you know), or spending time at your FIL's house and watching your SIL's kids is really unwise. Especially watching her kid alone at a playground somewhere. I can't tell you which it is. But from the outside, that's what I'd spend my time thinking about. Edited November 29, 2022 by Not_a_Number 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Not_a_Number Posted November 29, 2022 Share Posted November 29, 2022 Like, let's be real here. Even without any tracker, if your SIL called and asked where her kid was, your FIL would have probably told her. It's her kid. He can't keep that from her. And you know she'll tell your DH. This situation just seems like such a mess 😕 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted November 29, 2022 Share Posted November 29, 2022 30 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said: The thing I keep coming back to is that you can't stay enmeshed with DH's family and also expect him not to know where you are. Either you aren't that worried about him knowing where you are (I have no idea how scary he is; that's something only you know), or spending time at your FIL's house and watching your SIL's kids is really unwise. Especially watching her kid alone at a playground somewhere. I can't tell you which it is. But from the outside, that's what I'd spend my time thinking about. The third option is that she has to walk a fine line because there are delicate custody issues and what help she has mostly comes from dh's dad and older sister. She's concerned but has to take risks because there are not a lot of other choices. 6 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Not_a_Number Posted November 29, 2022 Share Posted November 29, 2022 2 minutes ago, Harriet Vane said: The third option is that she has to walk a fine line because there are delicate custody issues and what help she has mostly comes from dh's dad and older sister. She's concerned but has to take risks because there are not a lot of other choices. I maintain that if you're worried about what someone might do if they know where you are, then you should not be spending a lot of time with their family. And especially watching the kids of the members of the family who are hostile towards you. By yourself. This is just not adding up in my head. If there are sufficient concerns that it's a problem that your DH might know that you're alone at a playground, then you should not be watching his niece or nephew alone at a playground. Or, frankly, in a house without other able-bodied adults that would stand up for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted November 29, 2022 Share Posted November 29, 2022 Just now, Not_a_Number said: I maintain that if you're worried about what someone might do if they know where you are, then you should not be spending a lot of time with their family. And especially watching the kids of the members of the family who are hostile towards you. By yourself. This is just not adding up in my head. If there are sufficient concerns that it's a problem that your DH might know that you're alone at a playground, then you should not be watching his niece or nephew alone at a playground. Or, frankly, in a house without other able-bodied adults that would stand up for you! She's explained her reasoning in this thread, and similar dynamics were explained to you in other threads. Life just isn't that black and white. It IS a complex situation, as has been explained to you. There are not always all the rosiest choices in broken families. 4 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Not_a_Number Posted November 29, 2022 Share Posted November 29, 2022 (edited) Yeah, well, this feels like people burying their head in the sand one way or another. And people on here enabling it. I hope this feels good to y'all, because you aren't doing her any good. I'm going to stay out of these threads. I don't think input is welcome unless it's in a very narrow range, and I can't provide that. I hope your situation resolves into something more tolerable, @Baseballandhockey, and your DH gets treatment that helps him, and nothing scary happens anymore. I wish you all the best and I wish I could help somehow. Edited November 29, 2022 by Not_a_Number 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted November 29, 2022 Share Posted November 29, 2022 8 hours ago, Not_a_Number said: Yeah, well, this feels like people burying their head in the sand one way or another. And people on here enabling it. I hope this feels good to y'all, because you aren't doing her any good. I'm going to stay out of these threads. I don't think input is welcome unless it's in a very narrow range, and I can't provide that. I hope your situation resolves into something more tolerable, @Baseballandhockey, and your DH gets treatment that helps him, and nothing scary happens anymore. I wish you all the best and I wish I could help somehow. There are a lot of people taking the stance you are, but you seem to be adamant and sanctimonious about a situation that you don’t really understand the nuances of. Going no contact is not a legal option. She can’t move across the country and change her name and work under the table. Nor would that be a situation that would be good for her or her kids, who have received significant support from her husband’s family. And morally, that seems crappy. So, given the realities of a situation that is a literal tightrope walk, where you don’t know what the wire is made of or how bad a fall would be, she has to make judgments. And she’s by far the person best equipped to do that. Maybe some decisions In hindsight seem less than ideal, but that’s not always evident in the moment. I think she’s handling this amazingly well. 8 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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