Your thoughts on this History writing assignment

[Kezia]

This would be a writing across curriculum (he has some WWS 1) for DS-11, studying the transcontinental railroad. 
 

I have structured this entire assignment for him with 4 “sections” spread over 4-5 days and a requirement of 4+ paragraphs. I will also want a basic thesis statement in the intro. 

 

 Intro: quick background on difficulties of cross country travel before the railroad. 

 

Chronological historical narrative on the building of the transcontinental railroad. 
 

Then chronological historical narrative of the train ride (or maybe historical sequence because this same fictional train trip across country would have happened many times with many people) including an excellent description of the train itself. 
 

Conclusion should revolve around the impact/result of the transcontinental railroad.

 

 

 

 Does this appear to be a useful assignment especially considering my goal is “writing to learn” while utilizing some WWS skills along the way? 
 

Is there any way you would change it?
 

 

 

 

 

Edited January 23, 2022 by Kezia
Correct some things

[desertflower]

I think it’s a great idea. 
 

I would change the conclusion. Your conclusion sounds like another paragraph. I’m under the assumption that a conclusion should not introduce new facts. A new quote is fine, but it’s supposed to wrap things up. 
 

that’s just my thought. I’m not an expert on writing though. 

[Kezia]

7 hours ago, desertflower said:

I think it’s a great idea. 
 

I would change the conclusion. Your conclusion sounds like another paragraph. I’m under the assumption that a conclusion should not introduce new facts. A new quote is fine, but it’s supposed to wrap things up. 
 

that’s just my thought. I’m not an expert on writing though. 

Hmm.. I was thinking of a thesis based on the railroad revolutionizing cross country travel. I know, not an amazing thesis, but still states the main idea/point and practices basic composition structure.

I could leave off the “conclusion” aspect since WWS has no conclusions until WWS2 or I could also just add another purposed conclusion via summary paragraph...

[desertflower]

Ok. I could be wrong.  We didn't get far into WWS 1 and that could be a totally different type of essay than what I'm trained to do. 

Sorry for the confusion. 

Hopefully, you will get more feedback. 

[Lori D.]

14 hours ago, Kezia said:

...Then chronological historical narrative of the train ride (or maybe historical sequence because this same fictional train trip across country would have happened many times with many people) including an excellent description of the train itself. 

The bolded sounds like a good journal-style writing assignment -- student incorporates facts and information learned about a time period by creative writing a fictional journal with entries from a person living at that time/through that event.

That could be a fun and interesting writing assignment.
 

14 hours ago, Kezia said:

... Intro: quick background on difficulties of cross country travel before the railroad. 

Chronological historical narrative on the building of the transcontinental railroad...

Yes, a narrative essay that is factual and is like an extended timeline narrative could also be a good assignment. For a chronological / historical (factual) narrative, you would not be making a "claim" or "analyzing" the events -- you are narrating the events of what actually happened.

This could be a good expository (factual) essay, if desired. For an expository essay, you could even use it as an opportunity to learn about citations and a Works Cited page, if your student is ready for that. Similarly, you would not be making a "claim" or "analyzing" the events -- you are stating the facts about different aspects of the subject. In this case, who built it, who funded it, how the technology of trains changed/developed over time, what were the results of building it, etc.

For either a historical narrative or an expository essay, because they are factual and not opinion-based, you don't use a complete thesis statement in the introduction -- there is no "claim". Here are the 3 parts of a complete thesis statement for a persuasive / opinion / argumentative essay or analysis essay:

- topic = overall subject of the essay
- claim = your "take" or "position" or "debatable opinion" about the topic
- direction = points or reasons that, in the essay body, you will develop an argument of support for the claim

For a chronological narrative or expository essay, your thesis statement would just be the topic + direction (major points each paragraph will cover).
 

14 hours ago, Kezia said:

... Conclusion should revolve around the impact/result of the transcontinental railroad.

Agreeing with @desertflower that in this type of expository essay, your suggested conclusion ("should revolve around the impact/result of the transcontinental railroad") would be the final body paragraph, as it is the final stage in the progression of this topic -- the history/development of the TC RR.

Alternatively, that sounds like a possible claim in a thesis statement for an analysis or persuasive type of essay (you which you make a claim about the topic and then develop an argument of support for your claim):

Thesis statement:
topic = transcontinental railroad
claim = revolutionized cross country travel
direction (key points/reasons) = through _________, __________, and _________.

Then, in each body paragraph, you state 1 point/reason from the direction, support it with evidence (the facts from your study of the events in the building of the TC RR), and explain how/why that point and evidence support your claim. That is how you build your logical argument of support for your claim.
 

3 hours ago, Kezia said:

Hmm.. I was thinking of a thesis based on the railroad revolutionizing cross country travel. I know, not an amazing thesis, but still states the main idea/point and practices basic composition structure...

"Revolution cross country travel" is a very valid claim -- but for a persuasive type of essay. It is a debatable opinion, because someone could argue otherwise. That is why in a persuasive essay, you then use the body paragraphs to flesh out each of your reasons WHY your claim is valid, and support each point/reason with evidence (facts, data, statistics, examples, anecdotes, expert opinions...).

Each body paragraph in a persuasive essay is structured to build a logical argument of support:

Body Paragraph
• topic sentence = point/reason
     [optional, as needed: detail sentence of explanation, definition, or other info]
• support sentence(s) = evidence
• commentary sentence(s) = explaining how/why evidence supports or shows or proves the point/reason of the paragraph
     [repeat with additional evidence + commentary sentences]
• concluding commentary sentence(s) = explaining how/why the point/reason of the paragraph supports or shows or proves the thesis claim


Agreeing with @desertflower that you've got a great subject to write about. Enjoy! And, I hope something in my long ramblings helps, rather than muddies the waters... 😉 Warmest regards, Lori D.

Edited January 23, 2022 by Lori D.

[EKS]

I think you're asking him to do too much in four paragraphs.

I'd come up with 3-4 open ended questions that he could answer in a piece of the length you're targeting and then let him choose which one he wants to focus on.

For example:

• How did the railroad change long distance travel?
• How were the most vexing challenges of building a transcontinental railroad resolved?
• How do the first trains compare to modern trains?
• How did the coming of the railroad alter life in the United States?

 

 

 

[Kezia]

2 hours ago, Lori D. said:

Hope something in there helps, rather than muddying the waters... 😉 Warmest regards,

Thank you.  So... you are saying that by attempting to combine journaling and expository paragraphs and since my possibly proposed thesis (revolutionizing cross country travel) looks like more of a persuasive essay thesis (in which case it would not be well supported with my proposed paragraphs) it would be unorganized, confusing and have no clear point.
 

Expository report:
thesis:  some statement still is needed to tie the piece together, a unifying theme, likely along the lines of specifically what the tcr did for cross country travel in general. 

 1)intro (identify event/explain importance )

 2)background (travel was rough, dangerous and time consuming...)

3) the event (building of tcr -anywhere from 1-4 paragraphs) historical narrative

4) impact (made travel much faster and shorter wait times for goods or whatever he comes up with)

 5) conclusion (summary restate thesis in other words)

 

14 minutes ago, EKS said:

For example:

• How did the railroad change long distance travel?

I think that is the question I wanted him to address, but I have made everything difficult and wordy. 

I’m trying to plan it out for him because, knowing him, he will answer that in one sentence.

I also was looking for a way to include the historical narrative within a slightly bigger piece.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[EKS]

3 minutes ago, Kezia said:

I’m trying to plan it out for him because, knowing him, he will answer that in one sentence.

Instead of planning it out ahead of time, I'd present him with the prompt (or prompts, as I've found that giving kids a choice about what to write aids in keeping them interested and invested), and then discuss it with him in detail.  Take notes on the discussion.  You take notes, not him.  (I found that it helped to do all of this as a discussion on the couch with me taking notes on a small whiteboard.)  Then, based on what he comes up with, have him organize the ideas in the notes into categories (such as speed, safety, comfort, etc).  Then have him come up with details about how each thing changed (assuming that you go with the changing long distance travel prompt).  Again, you take the notes--you want him to focus on thinking.  Then he can write body paragraphs about each category.  Finally, unless he has a lot of experience writing introductions and conclusions, I'd have another discussion about how to tie it all together where he actually writes the introduction and conclusion while you're talking.  If you have a laptop, doing this on the couch makes it seem less arduous.

Obviously, eventually you'll want him to take over more and more of this process, but he's 11, and you have a lot of time! 

[Lori D.]

Agree with @Kai's post above on how to tackle this. That is what I did with my own DSs.
 

3 hours ago, Kezia said:

Thank you.  So... you are saying that by attempting to combine journaling and expository paragraphs and since my possibly proposed thesis (revolutionizing cross country travel) looks like more of a persuasive essay thesis...

Yes, I think in your initial post, you were listing/combining 3 different types of assignments:
- a longer narrative (chronological history of the TC RR)
- an expository essay (factual report/essay on the TC RR)
- a persuasive essay, with the claim that the TC RR revolutionized cross country travel

I think you will have much more success with your assignment if you focus on just ONE type of writing assignment. 😉

And, as @Kai suggests above, I would work WITH DS to come up with what HE would like to focus on. Since he studied the topic, and you get much more "buy-in" on writing assignments if he gets to write about what was of interest to HIM. 😉 -- @Kai gave you some good prompt questions if he doesn't have something that especially stands out to him.

 

3 hours ago, Kezia said:

Expository report:
thesis:  some statement still is needed to tie the piece together, a unifying theme, likely along the lines of specifically what the tcr did for cross country travel in general. 

 1)intro (identify event/explain importance )
 2)background (travel was rough, dangerous and time consuming...)
3) the event (building of tcr -anywhere from 1-4 paragraphs) historical narrative
4) impact (made travel much faster and shorter wait times for goods or whatever he comes up with)
 5) conclusion (summary restate thesis in other words)

Yes, mostly that is the structure of an expository essay. If the topic is about the building of the TC RR, then your background info would be brief (1, no more than 2 sentences), and it would be included in the introduction as needed detail/background to the topic -- something a bit like in the first paragraph of this Duckers' article on the TC RR.

Then you would have several body paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the building of the TC RR.

And your conclusion would not introduce new facts (or arguments, if a persuasive essay), BUT, it is a bit more than a simple restatement of the thesis -- it is a summing up of your topic *in light of* the essay as a whole, and ends with a "clincher" -- a final thought that is an extension of the topic -- often it comes back around to the "hook" (opening sentence of the intro) or the title in some way. For an expository essay, a quotation about the overall subject can be very nice.

INTRO (overview)
- "hook" (sentence to grab attention 
- thesis (overall topic + direction (the key points he'll cover)
- "intro info" -- a sentence or two about the background that also helps transitions into the topic
(example: "Travel was rough... etc., which is why when the steam engine was developed, 

BODY PARAGRAPHS (specific points)
- topic sentence (stating the point covered in the paragraph)
- support sentences (facts and info)
- detail sentences (fleshing out the support sentences)
- transition words/phrases to smooth moving between one piece of support to the next)
- concluding sentence, wrapping up the topic of that paragraph

CONCLUSION (overview)
- transition -- usually a sentence to smooth moving from the specific details of the last body paragraph point back into overview of the subject)
- overview / wrap-up of the subject -- covers the thesis statement (subject overview + major points of the body), yes, but not a simple restatement -- this sentence *synthesizes* the subject in light of the essay
- clincher -- final thought

Edited January 24, 2022 by Lori D.

[Zoo Keeper]

22 hours ago, EKS said:

Instead of planning it out ahead of time, I'd present him with the prompt (or prompts, as I've found that giving kids a choice about what to write aids in keeping them interested and invested), and then discuss it with him in detail.  Take notes on the discussion.  You take notes, not him.  (I found that it helped to do all of this as a discussion on the couch with me taking notes on a small whiteboard.)  Then, based on what he comes up with, have him organize the ideas in the notes into categories (such as speed, safety, comfort, etc).  Then have him come up with details about how each thing changed (assuming that you go with the changing long distance travel prompt).  Again, you take the notes--you want him to focus on thinking.  Then he can write body paragraphs about each category.  Finally, unless he has a lot of experience writing introductions and conclusions, I'd have another discussion about how to tie it all together where he actually writes the introduction and conclusion while you're talking.  If you have a laptop, doing this on the couch makes it seem less arduous.

Obviously, eventually you'll want him to take over more and more of this process, but he's 11, and you have a lot of time! 

^ Just agreeing with this.  Most 11 year olds in my realm would have needed this level of scaffolding in order to do the writing. 

Actually, many 11-14 year olds in my realm would need this level of scaffolding.  For whatever reason, when you move to writing that combines lots of steps (reading about topic---thinking about topic---new thought!--actually writing a cohesive group of paragraphs about that new thought) my students seem to forget that they *do* truly know how to do all these steps.  Lots of reminders were necessary, for longer than I thought they should be necessary.  😉 YMMV, of course.

Edited January 24, 2022 by Zoo Keeper