Need a shoulder

[MicheleB]

I really don't know what to do sometimes. I feel so extremely stressed about my kids and their 'problems'. I feel in a perpetual state of tenseness the last few months.

 

My 14yo dd is bipolar and has generalized anxiety disorder. She has been in therapy with a good therapist for a few months now. I talked extensively with the therapist today before dd's appt. and the therapist thinks dd may have borderline personality disorder, though she did say that it can't be officially diagnosed until age 18. When she told me what BPD is, it does seem it fits the bill. When I just read about BPD, it crushes me.

 

13yo dd is average school-wise. Has major anxiety over just about everything. I'm not allowed to go to sleep until she does. She doesn't like for me to go anywhere with her, because something might happen to me. On and on.

 

And of course, my little boys. 9yo ds has some major OCD going on, plus his many learning disabilities. I also think he may be somewhere along the lines of Aspergers or PDD-NOS. Can't empathize. Can't relate. Totally obsessed about hunting and animals and it's all he talks about, all the time. All he thinks about. Way over the top.

 

8yo ds has his learning disabilities, speech problems, fine motor skills issues.

 

I feel like each day we're only surviving. We barely get much school done because of the energy it takes to handle all these issues and behaviors. The days fly by and I feel like I'm the worst mom in the world because I'm not more on top of things. Dh likes to pretend there's not much wrong with everyone, except to lament the fact that the boys can't read.

 

There's just no way I think school would be better for the kids, except *maybe* my 13yo but I think she wants to be homeschooled. I think school would eat the other three alive, and did eat my 14yo alive when she was in middle school. She just can't cope with all the 'stuff' going on. Very bright, but can't cope with all the externals. Sometimes I wonder how she'll ever live on her own. It's so strange. She's so smart, can be so articulate, but lacks total common sense.

 

I don't know if you have any words of wisdom for me or not. I feel like in real life I can't share this with people. They just look at me like I'm crazy and making it all up. It does sound bizarre.

 

Sometimes I think I should just forget grade levels and work with everyone together, and whatever the older ones can offer on a higher level, the boys will eventually pick up on. And the boys can sit in and the girls can learn from books I read to the boys. Except for math wouldn't work well that way.

 

*SIGH* Guess I need a shoulder(s) to cry on. :001_smile:

[happyWImom]

Michele:

 

I can't even imagine being in your situation.:grouphug: One thing, even though it's hard, it is such a blessing that you are able to have the kids with you, and not in public school. Imagine what they would go through.

 

I am by no means an expert-anything but, but depending on where they are at learning-wise, have you looked into unschooling, delight-directed type stuff that would appeal to them? As long as they can all read, there are so many things you can do that would be less stressful. I didn't see what you're using now, but there are so many options.

 

Just know that you're not alone, we're all pulling for you, and it will be okay!:grouphug::grouphug:

[jacqui in mo]

Cry away. That is hard when each of your children has a difficulty like you describe. I can imagine it can kinda paralyze you in feeling you can't handle all the things simultaneously. I feel a little like that today with my kids, though their "problems" aren't as pronounced as yours. My dd has chronic abdominal migraines & the medication doesn't seem to be helping. We lose so many school hours with her due to this I just don't feel we're getting done what she needs. My middle son told me today that he always feels in a bad mood (which turns on my mommy guilt b/c I'm in a mood a lot too & maybe I'm affecting him) and my youngest makes me worry whether he has ADD or something like that. I haven't had any testing done yet & can't seem to get going on investigating that when I'm still trying to get my dd's pain management dealt with. Sigh. Worry really wears one down doesn't it. (((((hugs)))))))

[Laurie4b]

Michelle,

 

You have so much to cope with. Just one note of relief: borderline personality disorder can be treated with dialectic behavioral therapy. A woman I know with borderline personality disorder has gotten SO much better.

 

On the airlines, when the stewardess is showing you the safety features, she always tells parents to put on their own oxygen mask first. If the parents passes out, she can't help her kids. In your situation, because your kids need you so much, it's probably even more important for you to take care of your own needs. Do you get plenty of rest? I get my exercise by doing it with dc. Are you watching your nutrition as well as your family's? Taking care of your spiritual needs?

 

Am I remembering correctly that dh is a farmer? Can he take the two younger boys sometimes for practical work as part of school? Is there any way you could get an assistant? Maybe a teenager who is homeschooled who wants to be an educator or something?

 

I'm so sorry that it is so hard for you. You do have a lot on your plate.

[MicheleB]

You are all amazing and I am sitting here in tears from all your caring responses. Thank you so much. It just helps to know others understand and care.

 

I will respond more tomorrow to some of the more specific questions. I will say, I never thought about SS. I'll look into that. Very good point.

 

Thanks again. :001_smile:

 

And :grouphug: to you all, too!

[apheartsong]

:grouphug:

 

Hi. I'm so sorry you're struggling with all this. I will agree....it's not your fault. I signed up for a support loop for the Gut and Psychology Syndrome Diet. I have the book now. It sounds like your family members could be helped greatly by following this protocol. I am hearing about some amazing results. You can look up Gaps diet dot com. There is also a you tube series about it. I think it would be worth researching.

 

:grouphug: Hang in there.

 

I think you could do a unit study type approach -- do all you can all together. You can just do what my SIL does and choose a subject, go to the library for tons of books, and read to your heart's content. Or there are plenty of programs already written for that type of thing.

 

 

Allison

[proudmamma]

I agree about the Gut and Psychology Syndrome book...EXCELLENT! I didn't know there was a support group though, I will check it out, thanks for that info! I also have been reading a book called The Magnesium Miracle by Carolyn Dean MD. It also contains vital information. She talks about how almost everyone is deficient in magnesium because our soil is so depleted. It causes so many problems...anxiety and depression, etc.

 

If I were you I would really look into the food your family is eating, it has such a huge bearing on our mental and emotional health. I have found it to be one of the most helpful things I have done...cod liver oil, magnesium supplements, probiotics, raw milk, coconut oil, as much organic fruits and veggies as possible, etc. Nourishing Traditions is an excellent book and so is Eat Fat Lose Fat.

 

Best of luck,

Lora~

[proudmamma]

I just read your original post again and wanted to add that I really feel like you would get amazing results by just adding magnesium to start with...easy enough. With all the anxiety issues you have in your family this may work wonders for you. Natural Calm (rasberry lemon) is a brand I have had a lot of luck with. It makes into a nice hot fizzy drink that my kids actually like. Again, I encourage you to read those books!!!!

 

HTH,

Lora~

[ElizabethB]

I'm tired just reading about that! I have a friend with one child with autism, that's enough to make her tired, and she gets a break from him while he's at school, but she has to be in a high state of alert every minute he's home, even at night he sometimes tries to break out and run off (they have to lock their doors and hide the key, all other measures have failed.)

 

I'm sorry.

 

You could try teaching the boys to read with UPP, it makes the English language 100% phonetic once you learn a few rules about how it works:

 

http://www.thephonicspage.org/On%20Reading/upp.html

 

Webster's speller also might be helpful, syllables are much closer to true speech sounds than letter sound approximations. The arrangement by accent pattern is also helpful for those with speech and language problems.

 

You could work with the girls on spelling while the boys do mainly reading and a bit of spelling. (Try both oral and written spelling and see what works best with them.) Webster's speller is especially well set up for this, it was designed for use in one-room schoolhouses.

 

Good friends would not think you were crazy, they would help you out or at least hear you out and give you a hug, I'll pray that some come your way.

[swellmomma]

I'm tired just reading about that! I have a friend with one child with autism, that's enough to make her tired, and she gets a break from him while he's at school, but she has to be in a high state of alert every minute he's home, even at night he sometimes tries to break out and run off (they have to lock their doors and hide the key, all other measures have failed.)

 

 

 

That's like my house. It is getting better a bit now, but for years it was locked up tighter than a maximum security prison. I had alarms on all doors, deadbolts needing keys inside, windows nailed shut, slept in the hallway outside my son's room after locking him in for the night. He would set fires, or climb out windows or run away in the night. I have been on high alert for 10 years and it is going to send me to an early grave I can tell you that, I feel like I have aged 30 years in the last 10. I have to take motrin daily for almost 2 years now due to the stress headaches I get almost every day.

 

I picked up a book from the library called undoing perpetual stress. I have not read it yet so I can't give it a review, but it looks interesting. It is about what to do when our fight or flight response is stuck in on, and how to reverse the toll it is taking on the body to remain in high alert all the time. Just an idea of a book to look into.

[ElizabethB]

That's like my house. It is getting better a bit now, but for years it was locked up tighter than a maximum security prison. I had alarms on all doors, deadbolts needing keys inside, windows nailed shut, slept in the hallway outside my son's room after locking him in for the night. He would set fires, or climb out windows or run away in the night. I have been on high alert for 10 years and it is going to send me to an early grave I can tell you that, I feel like I have aged 30 years in the last 10. I have to take motrin daily for almost 2 years now due to the stress headaches I get almost every day.

 

I'm sorry. That's not fun at all. I felt a bit like that (but not to that level, of course) when mine were 2 and under, but that ends eventually.

 

Could you try to get a service dog to help? They supposedly calm the whole house, and can be trained to bark when children try to escape, and also to track them by scent.

 

Here's some info about some in the U.S., I'm not sure if there is anything like that in Canada. If not, a really smart breed like a German Shepherd (get a female, they're better with kids) could be trained to do some if the same things, although probably not to that level.

 

http://www.4pawsforability.org/autismdogs.html