Night Elf Posted December 13, 2019 Share Posted December 13, 2019 I have posted updates on how I'm doing so I know there are a few people out there interested in my recovery. I have found a new combination of methods to try and my DH and I decided if this doesn't work, I'll go be evaluated by a clinic, or at least by a trained professional in eating disorders. A year ago I might have qualified for a treatment center. I was at a low weight and was restricting heavy to maintain that weight. Since then I've increased my daily calorie intake and have gained 11 lbs. over the past 2.5 months, I think it's been. I've been dabbling in pseudo-recovery, trying to recover by getting rid of the bad behaviors and keeping the good. Then I learned that was impossible. I have to let go of the ED completely. So here are my current methods that I've started. First, I read a book calling Life Without Ed by Jenni Schaefer. Her treatment plan included separating herself from her eating disorder by seeing it as a separate entity. She named it Ed after the acronym ED for eating disorder. It was a real eye opener. I found myself agreeing with so much of what she was thinking, feeling, and going through even though we suffer from different ED forms. I do sort of "hear" Ed in my head. No, it's not a real voice. I'm not going crazy. It's just a gut feeling that tells me what to do as in when to eat, how much to eat, whether this is a good day to eat or a bad day to eat, if I'm good or bad based on the number on the scale. Stuff like that. So I'm journaling my thoughts regarding things I "hear" from my own personal Ed to see what are his thoughts and what are mine. Second, I'm back on the Intuitive Eating plan based on a book called Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch. This is what I've been dabbling in for the past year, putting my big toe in the water but not the whole foot, if that makes sense. This way of eating is to reject the diet mentality completely. I agree with the concepts in this book and am working on the principles so I can become an intuitive eater. Third, I found an app called Rise Up that replaces My Fitness Pal. It allows me to track my meals and snacks and record my feelings and comments along with them. Its not a food database with calorie counts. It's just a box I type in what I've eaten in whatever way I feel is necessary. The cool thing about this app is it lets me email a daily or weekly summary to someone or to myself so I can see the summary in one document. I send mine to my DH at the end of the day and we review it together to assess how I did overall throughout the day. Some days are filled with negative emotions and some days are positive. We're able to tell if my food choices are getting better. For example, I've chosen to take almonds with my sandwich for lunch every day instead of potato chips. That was a big change. When I got used to that, I added in raw veggies. My biggest challenge is to stop worrying about calories. I eat what I want when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full. I've found it's true that habituation gets rid of food cravings. I eat donuts when I first gave myself permission to eat and now I can take them or leave them. I try to eat when I'm hungry and stop when I feel full. Feeling those body cues is a little challenging because I went for years ignoring them. I got good at eating only when I thought I should eat and ate how much I thought I should eat. Now I know that I can eat more than I used to and not ruin my day. Fourth, I've given up the scale. Again. This one scares me the most as I fail. The longest I've gone without it was 3 weeks. I'd like to never weigh myself again. I sabotage my efforts when I see the number on the scale. It causes me to restrict whether I'm punishing myself from gaining or being happy the number is low and restricting to make it even lower. It's a no-win situation for me. I thought I could use it as a tool but for my life right now, it's a bad thing. Fifth, I've found an exercise program to get me moving in a fun way. It's called Body Groove. People use it for weight loss but I'm just trying to get my heart rate up for health. I'm starting off slowly thought because I want it to stick. I did it this morning and thoroughly enjoyed it but lasted only 10 minutes. *laugh* Maybe I'll last a little longer next time. And that's about it. So yes, I'm going at it alone again. I have a support team who is wiling to let me vent or celebrate even the smallest victories without judging me. That's key. I am hopeful. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted December 13, 2019 Share Posted December 13, 2019 Fantastic! I'm impressed with your commitment to recovery. Wishing you the best of luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Kate Posted December 13, 2019 Share Posted December 13, 2019 Wow...I’m also impressed with your commitment. While I know very little about eating disorders, your plan seems to be sound and well thought out. I wish you luck as you move forward! Also, I am now curious to know more about body groove. On my way to google it now! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted December 13, 2019 Author Share Posted December 13, 2019 1 hour ago, Just Kate said: Wow...I’m also impressed with your commitment. While I know very little about eating disorders, your plan seems to be sound and well thought out. I wish you luck as you move forward! Also, I am now curious to know more about body groove. On my way to google it now! I lasted 10 minutes doing Body Groove. Her videos are like 30 minutes long but each segment is about 4-5 minutes long so you can do however many you want. I really enjoyed doing it. It was unlike any other exercise I've done and that's saying a lot because I hate exercise. 😉 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Posted December 13, 2019 Share Posted December 13, 2019 Way to go, Beth! Your plan sounds really great - praying for success and peace for you!! Anne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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