Helping sensitive child process American History

[saraha]

My 7th grader is currently studying the colonization of America and is having a really hard time dealing with the atrocities that were committed against the Native Americans and the injustice of it all really. My older kids all kind of worked through it and moved on (much like I and my classmates did in school) but it is really affecting this particular child. How do I help this child deal with the very big idea that our family is where it is because we subjected a whole race who was here first? (Thinking we are going to encounter this again when we get to the practice of slavery)

thanks

[Lori D.]

Just my take: we have to be careful to not talk in such broad and sweeping generalities. Did colonists commit atrocities? Absolutely yes. And YES, we absolutely *should* acknowledge that those things did happen (and still happen). BUT... did ALL colonists commit atrocities or support atrocities? NO. Did ALL whites own black slaves or support slavery? NOT AT ALL. 

I don't want anyone to think I am trying to downplay atrocities, or that I support ANY kind of oppression or atrocity of ANY people, because I find atrocities -- even unkindness -- to others to be deeply abhorrent, upsetting, intolerable. I just want to point out that it is untrue to believe that white/Europeans were/are the only subjugators / oppressors / slavers in history. Some Native tribes people committed atrocities, oppression, enlavement of other Native tribes people long before white Europeans arrived. Some African peoples were enslaving and oppressing other African peoples long before white Europeans arrived and extended the practice across the Atlantic into America. Again, NOT pointing that out to EXCUSE whites who did these things; just trying to make the point that they were not the ONLY people to ever do these things.

Additionally, it's important to realize that cruelty, oppression, and subjugation was NOT what ALL white European colonists were doing, or the ONLY thing all of the colonists were doing. There were many people (on both sides) actively doing good and living peacefully and working to promote the betterment of ALL peoples. It's absolutely vital to have a BALANCED view of what history / life really was like -- because we wrong the individuals and whole communities on BOTH sides who DID live peacefully together and helped one another if we either ignore or forget about these individuals and communities, or if we "paint them with the same brush". The idea that one whole race oppressed another whole race is simply not true -- and it's just not that simplistic. Not all white Europeans were "bad" or "oppressing". Not all Native Americans were "good" or "innocent". People (and History) are much more complex than that.

Plus, only focusing on the horrors of history is apt to push a sensitive tween/teen towards depression and negative mindset, which is not good for mental health. 😉

So, yes, acknowledge that those things did happen (and still happen). Mourn those events -- but don't stop there. Move forward and look for positive ways to "restore relationship" and support/appreciate/preserve Native cultures and treat Native peoples (and ALL peoples) with respect. Check out this article: "7 Thoughtful Ways to Be an Ally to Native Americans on Thanksgiving (and Beyond)" <--- some excellent ideas in this article. Also, consider looking for ways to help stand against or prevent atrocities and injustices in our own times, where the things are still happening, in our local neighborhood or community, and around the world. Being active in the present in causes that you support can help "off set" the horrors of the past over which you have no control.

Other ideas for not JUST thinking in broad generalities, or ONLY focusing only on the horrors in history:
- pick some inspiring key figures from various ethnic/racial backgrounds from colonial times and read biographies
- focus on every day life and personal histories -- different Native tribes, but also different ethnicities in the different colonies and what (GOOD things, ideas, culture) they brought to this country
- learn about the cultures -- the foods, music, art, hand crafts, tools, games, etc. -- of different people groups of those times

Hope others will also have some good ideas for you. BEST of luck, as you navigate these difficult history topics! Warmest regards, Lori D.

Edited October 22, 2019 by Lori D.

[saraha]

What an incredibly thoughtful response. Thank you

 

[Lawyer&Mom]

Do you know why your ancestors came to North America?  I had ancestors who came in 1600s fleeing religious persecution, and ancestors who came in the 1880s fleeing famine.  I’m absolutely willing to talk to my kids about the negative impacts of white settlers, but I also want to acknowledge the genuine needs that motivated their decisions to leave Europe.   

[lewelma]

Lori, you are awesome. 

[lewelma]

I was thinking some more about this as I have had a similar situation with my younger.

I think it would be interesting to consider the impact of news and literacy to how settlers perceived of their actions.  My great grandfather died when I was 12, and told me many stories about living in Oklahoma.  His father was a part of the Oklahoma land rush -- land that was obviously stolen from the native peoples of the area. The stories he told me were about desperate poverty. That his grandparents back east sent them one barrel of molasses each year, which they sold the majority of for flour, lard, and salt.  They lived all winter on biscuits and molasses and a rabbit if they could catch one. They had only a single room to house the 6 of them, and only years later did they tack on a lean to. His mother lost her first baby due to a botched birth where the baby was cut up INSIDE of her to get him out. And ever after that, his mom and the children (including my great grandfather) traveled by covered wagon to Kansas city to have a proper doctor. I just wonder if their lives were so miserable that they didn't have the energy to consider others. I know they could not afford a newspaper, and I'm not actually clear that they could read. 

It would be interesting to consider when studying these very difficult times of our history, how different we are today in terms of our education and knowledge of events. We as a people don't tolerate injustice, but back then perhaps the common folk didn't know or were poor enough they couldn't care.  I just think it might be an interesting avenue to help your child realize that looking back on history is very different than the living of it. 

Edited October 2, 2019 by lewelma

[daijobu]

I also love @Lori D.'s post.  I'm no expert, but I thought the decimation of native peoples was caused primarily by exposure to diseases for which they had no immunity, though it didn't help that whites provided blankets infected with smallpox to native peoples.  

For a big picture approach to history, possibly answering the question: Why didn't native americans cross the Atlantic and subjugate white Europeans?  I recommend reading Guns Germs and Steel by Jared Diamond.  While it doesn't exonerate past atrocities, it does answer a lot of questions of why things are they way they are.