Night Elf Posted August 5, 2019 Share Posted August 5, 2019 I like to add an update once a month because I know some of you are interested in what's going on with my life after being a housewife so long and getting a job. And of course there's my struggle with bulimia. So... here we go... At work, we have lost two people. One was a rehire after she had been fired almost 3 months ago. I wasn't totally on board for rehiring her believing she'll be as toxic this time as she was last time. Well, sure enough, she was the same. She's been working in the store for 2 weeks and my life has gone downhill during that time. First, I talked to my manager that I may need to reduce my hours because I was feeling like I was working too much and wasn't enjoying my job. We decided that when we get more employees she'll see what she can do. A couple of days later, she said she had been talking to her husband about it and he suggested the problem was not with my job dissatisfaction but the fact that I was working in a toxic environment. The rehired employee has made the store an unhappy place. I didn't realize it was affecting me that way but maybe it's the truth. Maybe I'm just dissatisfied with my job environment. Second, my bulimia has come back full force. I thought I had things under control but I was out of control and blew up last night. I just can't live this way anymore. So I talked to my manager who is a prayer warrior for me and she said my problem is that I keep taking the burden away from God. I pray that God take the burden from me and to help me help myself. I've done this at least 3 times. Well, it's gotten steadily worse in the past 2 weeks. So in talking to my manager last night, she again feels that my behavior is in response to my work environment. I talked to my DH about it and he said he knows I don't handle stress well, or at least negative stress. So he can see that my problems have increased since the rehired employee is back. So... !! Today, neither the rehired employee or her tenant who is our intake (takes donations and processes them) guy showed up for work. No call, no show. This is not the first time this has happened. So my manager texted me this morning when the store opened and asked if I could come in. So.. cutting short this story, both are fired and we're down to the 3 of us management team and two volunteers. This means I have to work full time again. I'm kind of bummed about it, but at the same time I did tell my manager last week that I'd rather work full time with the rehired employee gone than work with her anymore. And it looks like that's happening. So, I need prayer. Please. I'm journaling more including my prayers. I'm trying to pull myself up out of my negativity. Today was such a nice day at work without her there and especially knowing she won't be back. We all must work harder but that's not anything new. As far as my eating disorder, I had DH hide the scale again and he suggested that if I ask for it, he'll hold it for a day and ask me again if I truly want it. I agreed. Then a little while later, I talked to him again and told him I absolutely had to stop tracking. He suggested he block My Fitness Pal and Spark People on my computer so I can't access those sites. I agreed. I told him I could cheat and download the MFP app on my phone again but I'm going to try my best to not do that. So once again, I'm giving this burden to God and will try to exercise self-control. I need to eat moderately. Today I have eaten way too much, which is backlash from restricting the past 2 weeks. That's expected but I hope it doesn't last as long. Not a great update but thought I'd write it out. As Joyce Meyer says, I may not be where I need to be but at least I'm not where I used to be. I have never gotten as bad as I was a year ago when I was only eating 1100 calories a day but I was still restricting more than I should have been doing. I was supposed to not restrict at all. And that's it for now. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted August 5, 2019 Share Posted August 5, 2019 Are you seeing your therapist? If so, call her now and tell her what is going on. If not seeing one, you need to get one right away. 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cintinative Posted August 6, 2019 Share Posted August 6, 2019 Gently, agreeing with the pp. Sometimes what life throws at us is too big for us to handle alone. It's not a failure of your faith for you to seek counseling. Your struggles are not because you haven't prayed hard enough, done the right things, or spent enough time in God's word. These hard things happen because we live on this side of heaven. Jesus said that in this world we will have much trouble (Jn 16:33) . I have had to seek counseling for things that are just too big for me. Friends are great, but they are not counselors. It's truly hard to do that reflective listening and spend the time that is required to help someone see the things that will help them move toward healing. It's great that your coworker is so compassionate and can see the impact that the former coworker has had on you. She has identified that stress might be a trigger for you. The best next step is for you to work with a counselor to help you see that yourself without someone else pointing it out. To identify why you are uncomfortable, why you are sad, why you are tempted to control your eating, and to develop strategies of how you will cope when those hard things come. It is not weakness to move toward healing, and that is what good counseling does. Praying for your strength and for God to fill you with peace. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted August 6, 2019 Share Posted August 6, 2019 I'm glad the re-hire is gone. No one needs that kind of work environment. I'm glad your manager saw that too. Agree that you should contact your therapists if you haven't already. Praying for all of this stress in your life. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted August 6, 2019 Author Share Posted August 6, 2019 I actually have an appointment with my counselor this morning. I may need to go weekly again for a while. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cintinative Posted August 6, 2019 Share Posted August 6, 2019 32 minutes ago, Night Elf said: I actually have an appointment with my counselor this morning. I may need to go weekly again for a while. That's great self-care!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 It is good to hear from you, Beth. I have such enormous respect for how hard you work to be self-aware and take care of yourself and those you love. I'm so glad that horrible lady is gone! I have had to work with toxic people before--they can take years off your life. And I am delighted that your boss is so kind and supportive. These rough weeks are just a bump in the road. In this marathon, you are a winner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted August 7, 2019 Author Share Posted August 7, 2019 18 hours ago, Harriet Vane said: It is good to hear from you, Beth. I have such enormous respect for how hard you work to be self-aware and take care of yourself and those you love. I'm so glad that horrible lady is gone! I have had to work with toxic people before--they can take years off your life. And I am delighted that your boss is so kind and supportive. These rough weeks are just a bump in the road. In this marathon, you are a winner. Thank you. I'm trying to stay positive but I know I can only do it with God's help right now. So many stressful things are happening to quickly. I"m trying to focus and regroup. 🙂 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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