leeannpal Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 My best friend's dad was recently diagnosed with cancer. It seems to be a later stage, and things don't look good. Her dad is in his mid seventies and has always been in good health. Her mom thought her dad just had the flu. It was a total shock to the family to learn it was cancer. My friend is super close to her family and is really hurting. I've been talking with her and went to her house just to be there with her this weekend. For those who have been through something like this, what else can I do to be help with the shock and grieving? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dynamite5 Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 Let her talk--whether she needs to laugh, cry, vent, ignore the situation or tell you the story for the 25th time, just listen to her. Use her dad's name and ask about not just his health, but how his spirits are doing. Don't be afraid to talk about him! Ask if there are any projects she'd like help with, such as sorting photographs. Talking through memories that photos evoke can be very caring. See if she'd be interested in a pedicure or a massage. Sometimes nonsexual touch when one is grieving can be very soothing. Hugs to your friend and her family. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 Those things, ^ and low fibre food. They really do need to eat even if they can't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cintinative Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 If things are really crazy busy for her right now, maybe a gift card to a restaurant for take out, and/or meals for her fridge/freezer. Also maybe paper plates and napkins so she doesn't have to do dishes. You could also offer to pick up groceries for her. If she has no idea what she needs (and she has a family to feed), maybe just pick up staples like bread, milk, eggs, veggies and fruit. Or drop off some cut up fruit or veggies. If she will be at the hospital a lot, a gift card for the cafeteria/in house restaurant or a restaurant very closeby might be helpful. Agree with the others about listening, letting her process through this, letting her be broken. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 Are her parents nearby? Is there anything that you can do for them that would be helpful, bringing food a few times a week, taking her mom out shopping, or visiting with her dad while her mom goes out? Perhaps cleaning for them? Do they have a pet that they may appreciate help with? Other errands that you can run for them (picking up prescriptions), or just playing taxi to doctor appointments? Or give your friend a standing offer to do the same for or with her. Does she have kids that you can help out with as she gets busier with her parents? When I was in a similar situation a few years ago, with my friend's father living out of state, this board suggested just sending him notes/cards frequently. Sometimes I would write, sometimes just send a quick card. I made sure he knew what things I remembered from our childhood, the fun times that stood out, and the day to day stuff that was just part of being at his house. He enjoyed short visits by friends and neighbors, going out for drives and a few nearby favorite restaurants, and a local place or two that held a lot of personal meaning for him. I'm sorry. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dynamite5 Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 Thought of something else. If you spent a lot of time with their family while growing up, it would be a beautiful thing for you to write a letter to her parents, sharing your memories of your time with their family and thanking them for the time you spent with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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