Any good advice on moving with a preteen?

[lynn]

We may be moving this summer. I am concerned on moving my Dd away from everything familiar. My family moved from our perfect home in Massachusetts to the pit of s Florida when I was 12 I hated it, I made the best of it but hated it. So from my experience I don't want to move dd at this age. We may not have a choice. Do you have any advice or care to share your experience of moving around that age?

[QueenCat]

By your showing a positive attitude, it will help. Encourage her to spend time with friends but don't hyper focus on missing them. When you move, jump into a variety of activities, at different places, to help her find her new "tribe". Remember that kids are adaptable. Military kids often move every 2-3 years and are not less emotionally adjusted than kids who stay put.

[marbel]

We moved our kids (aged 8 and 10) across country.  I had done the same move (opposite direction!) at age 10, and under similar circumstances - leaving behind a kids' paradise home with lots of friend and family, to move to a unfamiliar and completely different type house/neighborhood.   I had adjusted OK, as far as I can recall, and I thought my kids would too. 

 

So the only advice I can give is - don't assume they are OK if they act like they are OK.  We discovered well after the move that our older was not doing well at all, but had hid it from us.  When the upset and anger finally came out, it was so bad.  It may have been just as bad if we'd figured it out sooner, but maybe not.   We had a long time of recovery from all that.  

 

Talk about why you are moving, and try to get connected as quickly as possible.  Find interesting places to go and see in your new area as soon as you can.  Get them into whatever group things that appeal to them.  If you are church people, prioritize a church where the kids fit in (of course not neglecting your own faith, theology, etc).  If you are homeschool people, try to find groups right away.  I got connected before we even moved (yahoo group) and though my kids didn't really make friends with that group, at least we got out to park days and field trips.  

 

 

[waa510]

I (and dh) moved my then almost 9 and almost 7 yr olds to Japan recently and it really wasn't a big deal. My kids had always lived in VA, in their minds at least. In reality, we'd moved a ton while we were in the military...they just had no memory of it b/c they were too young. We had an established group of people in Japan to tap into as friends for them, and we made sure the kids got out of the house a lot. I think it helped that my kids are really close to each other, we never tried to minimize the few things they missed about the U.S. and commiserated with them about it, they were given a ton more freedom than they had had in VA, and connecting them with the language/culture so they could meet even more people. 

 

Getting my kids connected into girl scouts which is one of their fave outside activities really helped too, IMO. I would've also added in church but it was too far away for a weekly visit. We tried hard to create a new routine of going to the same exact new place(s) on the weekends, etc. My kids are really creatures of tradition or habit so this helped them feel settled. (Ex. going to the bakery at the train station for date night sweets, local park every other Saturday to meet up with this and that friend) We also tried to keep everything we possibly could as 'same' as possible so that they had fewer things to adjust to. We also let my kids text/video-chat way more than we'd allow otherwise as a way of staying connected to friends/grandparents over here. That's all I can think of for now but I'll add more tips if I think of more. 

 

They really will be OK though. My kids are the kinda kids that look for me for guidance in new situations (which is so fun when I'm losing my cool ;) ) so staying excited, positive and happy around them also was helpful. YMMV. You can also look for military spouse/kids websites for ideas on how to help them better adjust as I remember finding them helpful. GL!