NM

[Tanaqui]

How do we know personality disorders are a real thing and not an excuse to be jerks?

 

That's an excellent question. (I'm assuming, btw, that we're mostly discussing "cluster b" personality disorders.)

 

We've actually done multiple studies on people with various personality disorders and seen that they really aren't normal on a biological level. For example, people with antisocial personality disorder ("sociopaths") simply don't have normal brain scans. Their brains don't "light up" in response to things like love and affection - and there's very little activity in the orbital cortex compared to other people. (And this starts in childhood!)

 

Narcissists have different brain scans from the rest of the population as well - less gray matter in the left anterior insula.

 

Additionally, if you spend any time talking to people with personality disorders, you rapidly realize that their personality is the least of their problems. They really suffer from some extremely distorted thinking.

[maize]

What Tanaqui said. Also, part of a personality disorder diagnosis is usually a recognition that the disorder is negatively affecting the person who has it. This certainly sounds like it is true of OP's mother--her life is a hot mess and I bet a good deal of that can be traced to a disorder. She can't even have a relationship with her own grandkids.

 

I can choose to be kind or mean to my neighbors, people don't choose to have personality disorders.

Edited November 16, 2016 by maize

[SparklyUnicorn]

For dh, he feels betrayed that his parents knew that there had been deep alcohol issues and mental illness in the family and they kept it from him. He feels like he wouldn't have gotten as far down the path as he got had he known. And when I say they kept it from him... oh my gosh, they are so weirdly closed off and cagey about family history stuff. I mean, when I think about the question Rachel is asking, it's also like, she's starting that journey now by being honest and saying, this is what mental illness is, this is the responsible way to deal with it and treat it, etc.

 

Oh I absolutely believe in being up front about that. 

 

Although I do understand why some people try to hide these things. 

 

My mother went to great lengths to not talk about her family, but that was a lot about wanting to not dig up what caused her so much pain.  That might be different, but really I know very little about them.

[Janeway]

This sounds like a personality disorder to me, not bipolar or whatever. It is still a mental illness, of course, but not really in the same way.

 

 

I agree with this. Personality disorders, so far, seem to be a disorder in how someone is made in their brain and it comes out in personality, but it is not something that is treated or changed, as in most mental health issues. It is their personality.