s/o Teens and older folks...Writing a letter to your older self

[fairfarmhand]

I'm spinning off of my own post. :) Hope that doesn't break any rules.

 

I've often thought about writing my 65-70 yo self a letter.

 

This is a 2 part question.

 

First, what would you write to your older self with regards to teen grands? How would you advise the Grandparents to stay in touch with teen grandkids. Many grandparents do well with littles, but the teen years it gets harder. What makes a Grandparent a GOOD grandparent of teens. This makes me think because I really like my teens, and I really like other people's teens. I don't want to lose that because they're such a fun group of kids.

 

Second, what would you write to yourself about general advice for when you're older?

 

 

Edited August 11, 2016 by fairfarmhand

[Pawz4me]

My MIL is a very good grandparent of teens. Now granted she's not perfect -- she's stuck in her ways and we disagree on many political and religious issues. But she rocks as a grandma.

 

She always has something good the boys will want to eat. It might be a homemade dessert or something from the grocery store, fresh fruit, pigs in a blanket or a big bowl of snack mix she's thrown together from whatever she had on hand. But there's always something.

 

She doesn't mind a bit -- and even encourages them -- to turn on the TV and watch whatever sporting event is on that she knows they want to watch. And she discusses it and acts like she enjoys it.

 

She wants to know what's going on with them, and she remembers from one week to another.

 

She usually always has a funny/interesting story about something that happened to her during the week.

 

She has a large network of friends and almost always has something funny/interesting to tell us about something that happened to one of them.

 

She's usually upbeat. She's 80 now so can get a bit down now and then, but even if she's not feeling well she makes a really big effort to act upbeat.

 

She usually has at least one lunch date a year with each of her grandkids, just her and the kid, even though she sees most of them anywhere from once a week to once a month.

 

FWIW her grandchildren range in age from 17 (youngest DS) to 30. They all adore her.

[Farrar]

The number one thing I'd remind myself is to give my kids the grace to deal with their kids and make their own decisions without my interference that my parents and in-laws gave dh and I. And I think it might be harder for me than for them. I can be a little too nosy and pushy about things like that.

 

Also, to remember that a grandparent's job is just to love and love and be there and nothing else. No discipline. Just love. That's what my grandmother did for me. And my kids' grandparents have tried in various ways (but no one beats the all out unconditional love of my grandmother). Of course, it's different when a grandparent lives really nearby and is a regular caregiver - not the case for me or my kids' grands. So, not sure about that.

 

Aw... now I feel like I should call my grandmother.

[MysteryJen]

My dmil rocks as a grandmother. When we lived with her this past year, the kids realized that she loved them fiercely and was always on their side. That's it. They told her about their lives and their problems and she was never critical. Just in their corner every.single.time.

 

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[Garga]

What a great idea!  I've told my kids a few times, "Hey if I start doing that thing where I fuss and fuss and fuss (and fuss) about which restaurant to eat at (something my MIL does), point it out and remind me that back in 2016 I gave you permission to point it out to my future self."

 

But a letter is so much better! 

 

Off the top of my head:

 

No fussing about what everyone is going to eat.  Oh my goodness.  I hate it when people fuss about what I eat.  It's none of their business.  I'm a picky eater and defensive about it (because people JUDGE). If I have guests, I will offer things they like, and then not drone on and on about what everyone is eating or not eating. 

 

Use whatever communication technology that is prevalent for the time.  If it's still texting, then text.  If it's phone conversations, then keep them SHORT.  No sucking up my DIL's time with long conversations, especially if it's to fuss about a menu for a dinner.

 

Spend 95% of my time with my DIL's (and everyone else) listening and agreeing and nodding.  Save 5% for the time to disagree with  those issues that are HUGE.  Like, if they tell me they're going to take their babies out of the carseat and hold them on their laps during a 7 hour road trip.  (See other thread about that.)  For everything else, just smile and nod. 

 

Upbeat conversation.  No gloomy Eeyores. 

 

For grandkids:

 

Plan something to do with them.  Not just have them sit in the house watching tv for 4 hours and then send them home.  Even the teenagers.  Sure, let them watch for a bit, but don't make that the ONLY thing they do at grandmas.  Take the teenagers out somewhere--shopping, dinner, movie, sightseeing, aquarium, whatever I can keep up or afford with as an old lady.  Bake with them, cook with them, throw water balloons at them.  My parents bought 1000 water balloons, managed to fill 400 of them (before our fingers all fell off) and had a knock-down water balloon fight with my kids earlier this year.  My kids are 11 and 13 and my parents are 66 and 67.  My kids ADORE my parents.  (Of course!)

Edited August 11, 2016 by Garga