Pongo Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 (edited) I have a very sensitive ds who is 8, and he has been very close friends with my best friends son, who is also 8. I have noticed for several years that her ds was well....different. Not in a bad way though, he has always been very sweet and respectful at my home. He has what I would consider a moderate speech issue and can be really hard to understand. He has become a vegetarian by personal choice my bf is not, but he is almost obsessed by it. He stands very close to my ds and wants to hug and hold hands (something that really bothers my ds). He has explosive angry outbursts that are very unpredictable and are disproportionate to the situation. His gross motor skill is very delayed and he is possessive of my sons attention when they are in a group situations. My df just started to have him evaluated and they are leaning to him having Aspberger's Syndrome. I know this is, by far, much harder to deal with than the issue of my son not wanting to hang around him anymore but, I want to avoid any hurt feelings. I have been very hush,hush about my bf's son because I did not want to taint a longtime friendship between her ds and mine. But my ds is starting to notice his behavior. He asked me the other day why he stands so close and is always touching him. Why does he get so angry at his little sister? He said they really don't have anything in common anymore and he really is sick of talking about Star Wars ALL the time. When he comes over my ds plays legos with him for hours to be polite. Although my ds loves legos, after about an hour he wants to play basketball,baseball anything. But his bf will just focus on the legos the whole time. He has been asking to have other friends over and has not been asking for this friend anymore:crying::crying: I am so sad for my bf and her sweet little guy, I don't know how to help her.So here we are and I know it's time to discuss it with my ds. I don't want to make my df's son sound bad or wrong even though at times his behavior is. I want my son to want to be friends with him, because it's the right thing to do. Has anyone had to address a situation like this. My bf is really oblivious to the differences. For whatever reason it became really more apparent this year to her but it's been a while for me. Anyway, it there a way to save this friendship other than saying you have to be friends because " I say so?" TIA Edited October 1, 2008 by Pongo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 Never had to deal with this before...............the only thing that pops to mind is that maybe if your son knew what was going on with his friend he would feel compassion towards him and not be quite so.......annoyed? by his differences. That's a tough one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pongo Posted October 1, 2008 Author Share Posted October 1, 2008 Never had to deal with this before...............the only thing that pops to mind is that maybe if your son knew what was going on with his friend he would feel compassion towards him and not be quite so.......annoyed? by his differences. That's a tough one. My ds is really mellow, so I have been able to dismiss the questions with maybe he was tired, hungry...having a bad day. But I can see those answers are not satisfying my ds and his way of dealing with it is to hang our with some new friends, which I don't mind him having. I just know that my bf's ds has only my ds. It's harder for my df's son to make friends because the differences are showing more, maybe because of the age..not sure. Your right about it being a tough one, I feel yucky about the whole thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pongo Posted October 1, 2008 Author Share Posted October 1, 2008 That might work on off days. Only because he gets REALLY stimulated when there are groups of people, and he is more likely to have an angry outburst. My son would be likely to make a "new" friend and he would get really angry and tell him not to play with anyone else. But on a Monday morning during regular school hours it would be quieter, this could work. Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emeraldjoy Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 Often with certain disorders there are "remedies" for lack of a better word right now. There are certain behavior patterns that are very situationally predictable. Maybe if you and your son could begin by discussing the differences; (and everyone is different, right?) and maybe do a little research on aspergers and find out "tools" that you both could use in an uncomfortable situation. I think that many people with this disorder or similar are willing to talk about their experiences and stories and maybe you could find some good info. online. What a great opportunity you have right now to teach your son about something he will most likely encounter for the rest of his life; differences and interpersonal communication and compassion balanced with self preservation. blessings to you on this journey. Honesty is always best in my opionion; with your son and your friend. Emerald Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs. Readsalot Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 Another poster suggested you explain the situation to your son. Your ds sounds like a caring, compassionate boy and I think he would handle the truth well. We have a child in our neighborhood who is highly functioning autistic. As all the boys in the neighborhood(and we have a lot) have gotten older this boys differences have become more apparent. I explained the physical and mental difficulties this dear boy has to my son and my ds has always been very understanding of why George(not his real name) acts this way. All of the neighborhood children are wonderful to him at the pool and when playing in a group or just one on one. I think every kid knows why George is different, and I have never heard him call a mean name or otherwise picked on. My ds confirms this is true. I think a lot of the reason is that all of the parents have been honest with our children about why George is a bit different. Knowledge really makes children feel empowered and accepted Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 Tell him the truth about the other boy. Let him know that he can limit his playtime - YOU can tell the other mom that about one hour is all your son is available at any time. Of course your son can and should have plenty of playtime with other kids - but if he can find it in his heart to also make some time on occasion for this other boy, it would be great. Oh - and teach your son that it is OK to tell the other boy, calmly, not to stand so close. Tell his mom that your son will be saying this, too - she may need to be working on her son's social skills. Hope this makes sense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 I agree with JFS. I was just about to post the same thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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