Eldercare article

[monstermama]

I've seen threads on this before, but this seemed rather timely for me as we were just talking about it with the in-laws when they visited:  The Difficult, Delicate Untangling of Our Parents' Financial Lives from the WSJ.  FIL mentioned that he'd just within the last month filed the paperwork to change his pension beneficiary from his ex-wife to MIL - after 20+ years of marriage.  

[G5052]

I could add that having a will and preferably a trust is just as important after the loved one dies.

 

I don't think I had any idea how important that was until I took over a relative's affairs who had no will. It's incredible how much reporting and how many court dates are required compared to a trust where you can avoid probate.

[StephanieZ]

OMG, what a nightmare. Taking over my mom's money was a nightmare, but not anywhere near as bad as it could have been.

 

Lesson I've learned and things I'll be doing as I age: Keep everything as simple as possible.

 

This means:

 

- just one or two banks

- just one or two savings/checkings account

- write down everything in one place

- use a financial planner if feasible 

- get rid of all excess credit cards (no more than 3)

- fewer, larger accounts and insurance plans

- consolidate, simplify, repeat

 

 

At this moment, in our middle age, our finances are necessarily very complex. We own multiple corporations, real estate, etc. Have lots of shit going on. But, as our lives simplify as we approach retirement, I will, for sure, aim to simplify, simplify, simplify.

 

And, of course, have all appropriate documents in order!!

 

Oh, also, be sure to use beneficiary designations properly on all IRAs, insurance policies, investment accounts, and even bank accounts. Doing so can expedite settling your estate immensely. 

Edited April 7, 2016 by StephanieZ

[kewb]

I am thankful my sister took care of streamlining our mother's finances after our father passed.

[Joules]

I took over everything when my mom passed and Dad's care fell to me.  The author is not exaggerating on how hard it is red-tape-wise.  And it is hard emotionally if it follows a death.  Just over a year after Mom's death, ds asked me, "Don't you get tired of telling people that?"  The "that" was "Mrs. X has passed away. I'm her daughter, executor, and POA for Mr. X."  Even that long later, at least once a week something came in the mail or I got a phone call of something that had to be handled.   I was passed to multiple reps often ending in me having to fax over a POA, will, death certificate or some such.  

[G5052]

OMG, what a nightmare. Taking over my mom's money was a nightmare, but not anywhere near as bad as it could have been.

 

Lesson I've learned and things I'll be doing as I age: Keep everything as simple as possible.

 

This means:

 

- just one or two banks

- just one or two savings/checkings account

- write down everything in one place

- use a financial planner if feasible 

- get rid of all excess credit cards (no more than 3)

- fewer, larger accounts and insurance plans

- consolidate, simplify, repeat

 

 

At this moment, in our middle age, our finances are necessarily very complex. We own multiple corporations, real estate, etc. Have lots of shit going on. But, as our lives simplify as we approach retirement, I will, for sure, aim to simplify, simplify, simplify.

 

And, of course, have all appropriate documents in order!!

 

Oh, also, be sure to use beneficiary designations properly on all IRAs, insurance policies, investment accounts, and even bank accounts. Doing so can expedite settling your estate immensely. 

 

My relative that had no will was also a hoarder. So we had no idea what were the valid accounts and such, and what were not. Everything had to be investigated. Of course you can work from the mail as it comes in, but we had to track down everything including missing stock certificates, etc. As far as we know, they never had a safety deposit box, and the papers were in all different places. They only had two employers their whole life, but even tracking down their death benefits was a nightmare because they had been with the last company for so long that their records had to be found in archives.

 

We celebrated when the house was cleaned out and then sold!

[SKL]

One would hope this would get easier with more computerization.  Like, you should be able to provide a social security number and get the needed information on almost every significant financial account.  And there should be a unified method of verifying POA etc.  But apparently we aren't there yet.

 

I have been advised that I should tell my parents I want to get involved in their financial stuff.  I don't feel comfortable doing that yet.  Not like I have a ton of spare time for it anyway.  Ugh.

[StephanieZ]

One would hope this would get easier with more computerization.  Like, you should be able to provide a social security number and get the needed information on almost every significant financial account.  And there should be a unified method of verifying POA etc.  But apparently we aren't there yet.

 

I have been advised that I should tell my parents I want to get involved in their financial stuff.  I don't feel comfortable doing that yet.  Not like I have a ton of spare time for it anyway.  Ugh.

 

If your parents are still fully with-it and able to manage their affairs, you don't *have* to get involved . ..

 

 But, just be ready for when they are no longer managing. You could encourage them to streamline things. Assuming your parents are married, then the easiest way to convince them to streamline and "get their affairs in order" is likely to be to take care of the other spouse when one passes away or is incapacitated. Then, it's not you looking out for your own convenience/inheritance, but you looking out for your parents. And, even if there is only one parent (or they are divorced), then having things streamlined will enable you to better care for THEM when/if something happens that makes them unable to take care of their own affairs -- a stroke or other sudden change of status . . . 

 

My parents were each single in their later years, but I can't tell you how much more difficult it would have been to care for Mom during her declining years if she hadn't had things in order. I thanked the stars, and thanked Mom's foresight and consideration, innumerable times during those months as well as in the months since her death. 

 

In my case, once our kids are in their 30s (when dh and I are in our 60s), I intend to have a q5 years meeting with the three of them (assuming all 3 are responsible and reasonable, lol), both my husband and I, and, eventually, including our financial planner if we have one at that time. I'd plan to review/update our estate documents at the same interval, and have the meeting with the kids after that . . . 

 

Having a "Disaster Plan" in a binder of folder, with locations of all major assets, account numbers, insurance policy information, safe deposit locations, etc, is important, too. Mom started doing that by age 50 and showed me (and presumably my brother, too) where that folder was, where she kept her safe deposit box key, etc. That was pretty much as soon as I was an adult. 

 

My mom started involving my brother and I more seriously in her affairs once she was 65 or so. A few years later, once she suspected that she had early dementia, she also brought us into her financial planner's office to meet her, and she put us on her safe deposit box, and further updated/streamlined her documents as well. I think she did an amazing job making things as simple as they could have been for us, and STILL, it was a daunting amount of work . . . I will do everything in my power not to burden our kids needlessly. I'd rather they can focus on loving us and helping us enjoy life if it comes to that, rather than have a FT job just figuring out our finances!