Rosie_0801 Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 He can't pay his lawyer to be the executor? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Um_2_4 Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 $200k you say? I would not stress about it. Execute as written at his death, then it's up to you. But based on my experience, there may not be much left if he needs any major medical care between now and then. My mom's was WAY more then that and illness took most of it. If not for an insurance policy I would have walked away with nada. And I wouldn't discuss too much with sis as she may be pinning hopes on that inheritance and be sorely disappointed when not much is left. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 once he's deceased, and you inherit the estate - you are free to do with as you please. if that means bequeathing your sister a portion, since she did help your father, that is also your right. it is up to you. if you feel she was truly helpful to him, and it is his mental illness speaking - yes, I would include her. usually everything has to be written down so that those who are cut out, can't cause trouble. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted March 25, 2016 Author Share Posted March 25, 2016 Creekland, no matter what you do, I would be honest right now with your sister. Doing anything else sounds like it could lead to more trouble than it is worth. In the end, neither of you may inherit any money. You know what your father would have wished when he was his best self. I would make a pact with my sister to just go with whatever Dad said at the moment and then after everything was settled, pay her what is owed her for his care and then split what is left equally. If you can get her to agree to this now and agree to keep your agreement secret, some of the stress might go out of the situation. Good luck! Nan I'm not sure it's best to tell her. She and dad fight now (via phone) because dad wants her to quit her job and move back to our hometown helping him out. I'm 100% sure his cutting her out of the will is a control issue trying to get this to happen. She could easily use my intentions to fight back with him ("it doesn't matter, sis is including me anyway") and then dad - in his attempt to stay on top - will likely cut us both out. Honestly, I'm ok at getting cut out. I've learned not to expect anything from my dad, much less an inheritance. But considering how much she doesn't have at our age (nearly 50), having his money afterward could give her a chance at a reasonable last few decades of life of her own. She gave up a decade or two of her life with/near him earlier. It did nothing to help her out in life. He made promises he never kept and drained the income she was making. I voted "other" because I couldn't vote for both. Follow what the person intended....until the assets are your own holdings. Once they are yours, you are no longer beholden to what he wanted done with his. That's the time to be generous and make things right. Honestly, I don't see that as both as he made his intentions quite clear with things he said were ok for me to do with the money. Keeping her out of it was a major point. I never agreed to keep her out verbally, but I didn't openly disagree either. I mainly listened (which is what I usually do when we talk with each other - he gets 4000 words, I get 100). I did agree that he could put me down as executor as he wanted that decision on the spot. His back up was to donate everything to a charity. Once your Dad passes you are still going to have a relationship with you siblings. Maybe Dad can skip probate and put things into your name now, stocks and retirement funds go directly to you upon his death. Once all things are paid for and settled, to share equally among siblings seems the right thing to do. Grandchildren maybe not. Neither of my parents included grandchildren in their will. No stocks or retirement funds. In case you hadn't heard, everything should be invested in silver and gold since the end is nigh. Then he outright owns two properties of rather limited value due to location and condition. I know there's a ready buyer for one. (It's my hometown and the folks asked me this past summer if I'd try to convince him to sell - I have tried - they're still interested and that won't change due to the property it is/location.) The other I've been thinking of giving to my nephew. He's an adult now and has also just started to make a life for himself - in spite of dad's multiple attempts to destroy it. I think people should lose their right and ability to punish others after they die. I love this concept. If those who deserve it were to get a piece of his estate and were able to improve their lives, it would at least give them something positive to remember him. I have some positive memories from my youth I hang onto. I see two different ways to deal with this: 1. If you inherit everything his wishes are fulfilled. You can then do with it what you like, including dividing it evenly between the 3 of you. 2. Anyone who can't abide by the will shouldn't be the executor of the will. When someone asks a person to be the executor of a will that isn't reasonable and fair the answer should go something like this, "No. I'm sorry. The way this will is spelled out isn't fair or reasonable to (insert names of person/people treated unfairly here) so I can't in good conscience be the executor. If you change it to being fair and reasonable I'll be the executor." Jerks usually need direct feedback. Jerks with mental issues need something different I think. I could push things, but to what end? So nothing would turn out positive? He's not going to change due to any outside influences, esp family. Maybe if someone influential on TV said something he would, but short of that... He honestly thinks what he's doing is right, but that thought is based upon flawed thinking in general and made up beliefs of what went on + is currently going on. No one is going to convince him his reality isn't real. His illnesses are real. I learned about them during my Abnormal Psychology class in college. A whole dimension opened up in my mind with that knowledge since before I thought he was just normal, after all, I grew up with it and we all naturally assume what we grow up with is normal. Not much has changed. My youngest had a Psych class in college too. One day he told us, "We studied the Grandpa chapter today." Mental illness is real IMO. I can't fault him for it and I honestly don't think at 74 years of age that change is possible. If he is not of sound mind that is one thing, like really not of sound mind. If he is just making decisions or has a personality you disagree with or even think is odious, that is his own business. For me, for a clear conscience, if the result of telling him the truth about my intentions with his money is that he disinherits everyone, that is fine - at that point I have told the truth and he is free to do what he wants with his money. It sucks for you and it sucks for your sister, but it is still his money, no matter how terrible a person he is, and he deserves honesty with regards to whether you'll do what you say you'll do with regard to its distribution. I see what you are saying, but it's really tough to agree that "it sucks to be my sister" is worthy of being ok with. He can't pay his lawyer to be the executor? Hmm, he didn't mention that option at all. I have no idea. $200k you say? I would not stress about it. Execute as written at his death, then it's up to you. But based on my experience, there may not be much left if he needs any major medical care between now and then. My mom's was WAY more then that and illness took most of it. If not for an insurance policy I would have walked away with nada. And I wouldn't discuss too much with sis as she may be pinning hopes on that inheritance and be sorely disappointed when not much is left. His medical care is paid for at 100% for the rest of his life, so the only way he'd go through the money is if he spent it or ended up placed in a facility. He's a Hoarder, so spending it isn't likely. I've tried to get him to spend some to do things to enjoy his life rather than fighting with people/governments/organizations all the time. I thought it might help him as we used to travel all the time in my youth. I'm sure I inherited my travel junkie gene from him (mom too, so I'm homozygous for it). Now he has no interest though. He uses his retirement income to buy more silver and gold (and other junk, but that junk is worthless to be honest - not antiques or collectibles or anything - just anything on clearance sale somewhere, esp Lowes). But yes... just in case... that's another reason not to tell my sister. She's very close to 50 and has suddenly realized she has essentially nothing - esp as health issues are hitting. If she were to think she were getting something, then lose it or it's not there, that would be horrid. If he were to pass away before I fall out of favor, I'd try to tell her immediately though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted March 25, 2016 Share Posted March 25, 2016 My thought is once your father has passed away and his estate has been settled, it will be your money to do with as you wish. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Um_2_4 Posted March 25, 2016 Share Posted March 25, 2016 His medical care is paid for at 100% for the rest of his life, so the only way he'd go through the money is if he spent it or ended up placed in a facility. He's a Hoarder, so spending it isn't likely. I've tried to get him to spend some to do things to enjoy his life rather than fighting with people/governments/organizations all the time. I thought it might help him as we used to travel all the time in my youth. I'm sure I inherited my travel junkie gene from him (mom too, so I'm homozygous for it). Now he has no interest though. He uses his retirement income to buy more silver and gold (and other junk, but that junk is worthless to be honest - not antiques or collectibles or anything - just anything on clearance sale somewhere, esp Lowes). But yes... just in case... that's another reason not to tell my sister. She's very close to 50 and has suddenly realized she has essentially nothing - esp as health issues are hitting. If she were to think she were getting something, then lose it or it's not there, that would be horrid. If he were to pass away before I fall out of favor, I'd try to tell her immediately though. :laugh: Well, that is what we thought for my mom. But a rare form of cancer, specialists that were not covered, treatments that she wanted to try that were not covered and home health care because she wanted to "die in the same bed my father had passed in 18 mos earlier" meant that the hospital and labs took close to $150k just by themselves. Then came the surgeon's bill, the anesthesiologist, the oncologist, the radiologist.... you get the idea. :leaving: And if dementia is a possibility, then that facility can be $$$$$. Whomever has POA (medical and/or financial) should get more details NOW rather than later about EXACTLY what 100% means. (100% at only certain facilities? 100% of authorized procedures/test? What % is covered if they need to refer out to a specialty not in house?) If the house is truly what I am picturing as a house of a "hoarder" then just the cost of dealing with that (which in my experience the estate can pay to fix up a house to get it in condition to sell, at least in my state it did) could eat up a chunk. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted March 25, 2016 Author Share Posted March 25, 2016 :laugh: Well, that is what we thought for my mom. But a rare form of cancer, specialists that were not covered, treatments that she wanted to try that were not covered and home health care because she wanted to "die in the same bed my father had passed in 18 mos earlier" meant that the hospital and labs took close to $150k just by themselves. Then came the surgeon's bill, the anesthesiologist, the oncologist, the radiologist.... you get the idea. :leaving: And if dementia is a possibility, then that facility can be $$$$$. Whomever has POA (medical and/or financial) should get more details NOW rather than later about EXACTLY what 100% means. (100% at only certain facilities? 100% of authorized procedures/test? What % is covered if they need to refer out to a specialty not in house?) If the house is truly what I am picturing as a house of a "hoarder" then just the cost of dealing with that (which in my experience the estate can pay to fix up a house to get it in condition to sell, at least in my state it did) could eat up a chunk. Since he lives in a rural area, he's already gone out of state for some of his heart procedures and that's been covered. If he were to get something really rare I guess we'd cross that bridge then. And yes, the house is likely what you are picturing. Fortunately, the folks who want to buy it just want to tear it down and put something else there. :coolgleamA: The hard part will be my sister and I trying to go through everything he's stuffed in there not wanting to throw something valuable away. (He hides stuff.) The rest will head to multiple dumpsters. Then there are his 6-8 cats (not sure of the exact number, but I know it's at least six). Not all are tame, but all live indoors. In the event of his passing, I might need another post asking what to do about them. There's a dog too, but he's old. The stench would be the worst thing about it all. I don't know how he can stand it TBH. It's not a job I'd be even remotely looking forward to, but at least we wouldn't have to clean and repair anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted March 25, 2016 Share Posted March 25, 2016 Execute the will as written, of course, then do as you choose with your share. Dead people don't get to tell me what to do with my money. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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