ideas for crying, complaining, moping during school (the kids, not me!)

[msjones]

I'm interested in others' approaches to their children crying and complaining about schoolwork.

 

They are entirely capable of doing the work. The crying is because they just don't wanna.

 

I would like to nip this new phenomena (at least, it's new in my house) in the bud.

 

What have you done in response to this behavior? What has worked? What has made it worse?

 

The boys are 7 and just turned 9 -- 2nd and 3rd graders with no significant academic struggles. We've homeschooled 4 years already and only just started with this crying business.

 

Any suggestions will be appreciated and considered.

[Joanne]

The boys are 7 and just turned 9 -- 2nd and 3rd graders with no significant academic struggles. We've homeschooled 4 years already and only just started with this crying business.

 

Quick advice:

 

Make sure they are sleeping well.

Make sure they are playing well, outside, with air and plenty of large motor movement.

Make sure they have decent breakfasts, with protein.

Make sure they have limited screen time (tv, game systems, computer).

Have a routine in place for getting up, dressed, hygiene, eating, chores.

Devotional time, if that is something of value to your family.

 

At their ages and with their gender, consider offering them short, frequent lessons with breaks split between chores and *physical play*. Lessons for 20 minutes, break for 10 throughout the day.

 

Now, for the consequences and discipline and academic approach.....

 

1) Require the work be done well vs. a lot of work. Personally, at those ages and gender, I'd rather see 3 well constructed sentences written legibly than a page of mess. A choice not to do well or neat = a choice to do over.

 

2) Tie child centered activities to "school work done well with a good attitude". Be willing to follow through (it won't take many times).

 

3) Demonstrate and practice "good school attitude" behavior. First, exaggerate whining, protest, attitude. Tell them that's unacceptable. Have them practice (discipline can be fun, really!). Then show them what "I don't want to, but I will do so respectfully anyway" looks like. Practice that, too.

 

4) Give them a "do over" if they slip before imposing #2.

 

5) Try Code Words (you can find that on my site, if you are interested) to save words, and the momentum of negative energy.

[Guest janainaz]

Quick advice:

 

Make sure they are sleeping well.

Make sure they are playing well, outside, with air and plenty of large motor movement.

Make sure they have decent breakfasts, with protein.

Make sure they have limited screen time (tv, game systems, computer).

Have a routine in place for getting up, dressed, hygiene, eating, chores.

Devotional time, if that is something of value to your family.

 

At their ages and with their gender, consider offering them short, frequent lessons with breaks split between chores and *physical play*. Lessons for 20 minutes, break for 10 throughout the day.

 

Now, for the consequences and discipline and academic approach.....

 

1) Require the work be done well vs. a lot of work. Personally, at those ages and gender, I'd rather see 3 well constructed sentences written legibly than a page of mess. A choice not to do well or neat = a choice to do over.

 

2) Tie child centered activities to "school work done well with a good attitude". Be willing to follow through (it won't take many times).

 

3) Demonstrate and practice "good school attitude" behavior. First, exaggerate whining, protest, attitude. Tell them that's unacceptable. Have them practice (discipline can be fun, really!). Then show them what "I don't want to, but I will do so respectfully anyway" looks like. Practice that, too.

 

4) Give them a "do over" if they slip before imposing #2.

 

5) Try Code Words (you can find that on my site, if you are interested) to save words, and the momentum of negative energy.

 

 

 

I'm going to print this out for my own reminder. Good advice.

[msjones]

2) Tie child centered activities to "school work done well with a good attitude". Be willing to follow through (it won't take many times).

 

 

Well, my little one perked himself right up when I let him know he would not be joining the neighbors at the park if he didn't change his attitude. So, thanks for this suggestion.

 

I also took a look at your site -- love the title!

 

So far, I've been adding more work if the first assignment/lesson/activity is done with crying/moping/moaning. That has sort of worked, but we've been finishing up school each day sooooo late.

 

Anybody else with some suggestions?

 

Or all the the homeschooled kids out there weeping over their work?:)

 

:bigear: msjones

[woolybear]

Well, first of all, I like Joanne's quick ideas. Second, my approach would probably not be liked by many. We are new at this approach to hsing and since it is a big change for us, that has an effect on how I've handled this.

 

I have reworked what we will be doing this year in response to my son's dislike. That being said, I will not rework our program every time he complains. Not at all. I've just made quite a few adjustments and now he needs to make some too. I think he understands the stakes at this point. (They're high--I told him we do this with cooperation, no whining, etc. or I am about ready to send him to school. Period.) So we will see how it goes. I think for us the changes will be good and more in line with ds needs at the moment. I think I went overboard on the planning and it was too much for him to start.

 

So, that's what we've done. I don't know that that applies to your situation at all. Let us know what you figure out.

[Stacey in MA]

I have discovered that my kids like shorter term "motivators". If they have a sense that when they finish this one boring thing, there's just another boring thing lined up behind it, they can get very distracted and beligerant even. So when I'm feeling like "playing the game", I try and offer "fun" or "motivators" between the more trying subjects. So, if we get to mid-morning and they have worked through some "boring" or difficult work, we can watch a US video together as a break. Or (something DD likes even better), I might offer them a special snack involving small amounts of chocolate! Or maybe take time for some sort of quick craft, or read aloud fun story. Something like this to set their sights in shorter spans of time to get them over the long humps of difficult work.

 

Now, on the other hand, I'm not always in the mood for this carrot-swinging, and simply require the work done, or no play. But depending on THEIR mood, this doesn't always go over well. It's such a balancing act, a juggling, a push and pull, every day different. Sometimes I'm happy for the differences, and other times I wish every day were more the same. Who knows....

 

HTH and GL! - Stacey in MA

[Cherrie]

with my dd, I found I wasn't explaining the lesson clearly enough or that she still needed more help than I was giving her. With my ds years ago if he whined or fussed I would send him to his room, it took three days of no TV no computer, no going outside to play, before he came back to class and worked again. If I remember correctly I read somewhere that Susan Wise Bauer dealt with behavior problems the same way. I tend not to put up with whining, but we all have a bad day once in awhile.

 

Cherrie

[Meliss]

This year my kids go to bed a half hour early if they start complaining, whining, fussing, or being disrespectful. They can express frustration in an appropriate manner. This discipline works for my kids, because they really don't want to go to bed early.

[Amy in Orlando]

First, I think Joanne gave some great suggestions!

 

When my boys were these ages, I found it easiest to just be right there with them. I had two that did well with a timer - they thought it was a game to beat the timer. I had one that freaked out completely with the timer. Some days it's worth your time and effort to mix things up a bit. We all get bored with routine. Even just moving to a different room can boost their attitudes sometimes. My boys used to think it was a BIG deal to do school outside on a big quilt. Go figure, but it worked.

 

My best advice, you know your kids best, is to NOT turn it into a battle of wills. Pick a plan and stick to it for a reasonable amount of time.

[jkwynn]

I'm finding that the breaks really work well for my almost 7 yo DS.

 

We'll do school a little while, then we'll take a break - either a play break or a snack break or an exercise break.

 

But, when all else fails, I do like to offer him a choice:

He can clean up his act, or he can clean up the kitchen! (or bathroom, living room, etc.):D

[msjones]

Thanks, all of you, for your encouraging replies.

 

It's helpful just to hear that I'm not the only one with weepy weepers.

 

I discussed this with my husband last night and we have a plan. A no-tolerance plan with pre-established consequences. I also revamped the schedule and believe we have plenty of breaks (I thought we already did, but now it's moved around a bit and it's new -- so maybe that will help.) And I'm certain that the work isn't too hard for them.

 

Part of me thinks maybe it's just that the routine has 'set in' and the honeymoon is over for the fall. Also, they have more work now -- as 2nd and 3rd graders-- than in past years. My hunch is that this is an attempt to get out of some of it.

 

We start in about 1/2 and hour...hopefully today will be better!

 

msjones