If your teen has his own computer, how do you monitor its usage?

[Tap]

If you teens have their own computers, what kind of restrictions do you have on them?

 

We bought ds14 a new laptop today for school. I really want it to be HIS laptop, as he hasn't yet picked a Christmas present from last year, his graduation present, his birthday present, nor does he have any ideas for his future Christmas present. He really doesn't like 'stuff' and is very, very picky about video games. The plan is that this gift will cover it all :D

 

He will be elated, but now I wonder how to restrict a 'gift'. We will set ourselves up as the administrators and set him up as a user so we will have access to everything :bigear: . I will check it periodically, ideally daily, but most likely weekly unless I see a problem developing.

 

We don't run Net Nannie type software on my computer because I just watch what is in history an would know if it was deleted, because we trade it off to each other several times a day (hence the need for another laptop). I am wondering if anyone has a program they use to monitor their teens habits on the computer.

[Sandy in Indy]

I don't use a program... The computer in my son's room isn't connected to the net. He has to come to a public area for net access. He basically uses the one in his room for typing school papers. (It's old and SLOW.)

 

My daughter has net access in her room, but her computer has been in another room for months now. She's a senior in college and I trust her completely.

[RoughCollie]

I use Vista's parental controls. Go to user accounts and access it from there, if your computer runs Vista. The parental controls settings will not be applied to your administrator account.

 

I block access to certain websites and also block access to the internet at certain times of day or night, 7 days a week. I set the controls to teen content, which works fine for me.

 

I can also allow sites that the program blocks, if I wish, such as You Tube.

 

I have a rule that if the kids delete the history, their computer time is history for a month. Same thing happens if the kids try to circumvent the parental controls which has already happened.

 

On computers that are not running Vista, I use K-9 Web Protection, which is free and similar to Vista's parental controls.

 

http://www1.k9webprotection.com/

 

I don't want my kids to accidentally or purposefully go to certain types of websites, or to get on the internet in the middle of the night when they are supposed to be sleeping. I want to prevent access to certain websites, not find out that the kids have been exposed to them afterward when I view the history.

 

HTH,

RC

[Amy in Orlando]

I don't use a program... The computer in my son's room isn't connected to the net. He has to come to a public area for net access. He basically uses the one in his room for typing school papers. (It's old and SLOW.)

 

This is what we've done with the laptops we have ... they cannot access the internet in their bedrooms. They know I check the histories and that I have no qualms about appearing over their shoulders at strange moments. I do have them give me the access cards when they go to bed - I trust them, to a degree, but I don't want to have to start monitoring them at 3-4 in the morning.

[In The Great White North]

We don't either. At 14, ds wasn't interested in any sites the monitor would have shut out anyway. He still isn't.

 

The issue with him was being able to turn it off at night and go to sleep. It was like eating just one Pringle's. It sucked him in and he lost all track of time. As he is a night owl anyway, he wouldn't even notice until about 2 am.

 

I recommend initially storing it out of his room every night, until he realizes how easily time slips away when you're on the computer and can consciously counter that.

[Crissy]

 

I have a rule that if the kids delete the history, their computer time is history for a month. Same thing happens if the kids try to circumvent the parental controls.

 

 

What method do you use for monitoring whether or not they have deleted a single entry rather than the entire history?

[RoughCollie]

What method do you use for monitoring whether or not they have deleted a single entry rather than the entire history?

 

I trust that they are afraid of my promise to ban them from the computer for a month. They think I know more than they do and that I have a keystroke program on my computer. They asked if I had one, and I said, "That's private information".

[threecsnme]

My daughter, 14 has her own laptop. Our rules are she is only allowed to use the computer in the family or living room. She is not allowed to take it in her room. We also use the parental controls. I only allow access to websites on that computer that we agree upon. If she tries to go to a unapproved website it blocks her access and asks for the password. When she needs to google something for school, etc where she needs access, she uses my laptop and we monitor while she is doing it. Even though it is her computer to use, we are clear that it is a privilege, not a right. She has had access to it taken away as punishment.

[Kris]

Even though it is her computer to use, we are clear that it is a privilege, not a right. She has had access to it taken away as punishment.

 

We have time limits/parental controls on the computer my son uses.

 

My son tried the "but it's mine" argument with me recently. Apparently, the parents of one of his friends said (at their house) if it belongs to the kid, they don't control the usage, and it doesn't get taken away. (1) I can't imagine why he thought this "evidence" would carry any weight with me and (2) I know these people, and don't believe it anyway. :D

[Peela]

Both my kids have a laptop for schoolwork and a games computer, each, all connected to the internet. It hasn't cost us much because dh builds them/buys 2nd hand and improves them.

Neither has internet in their bedrooms and neither has access to internet anywhere where we couldn't just walk in and see what they are doing any moment. I think that's the best security- keep computers in fairly public areas. Both kids know they are not to take their laptops into their bedrooms, and they know why.

However, so far, it also hasn't been a problem. Sometimes they look at funny or music videos on You Tube and I remind them that if I see them looking at anything innappropriate, they will be banned from fairly free internet access. But i also dont make big deal out of it- I dont "expect" them to cross the boundaries which they know are there for our family (and which are probably more relaxe than many families here). It hasnt been an issue.

We have conversations about the dangers people get into on the internet. Dh has counselled recently a man who was p*rn addicted and downloaded stuff he shouldnt have and got caught by the police- I know dh will have some serious conversations with ds in the next year or two. A friend's daughter, age about 14 at the time, also chatted online with a boy from another state who ended up coming accross state to meet her and be with her. Not pleasant for the family to deal with- and I talked to dd about it.

I am not naive enough to think it never could happen to me- but I do feel that the best protection is to keep open the communication channels, mention bad cases when you see them on the news etc so they realise some people get very messed up by looking at the wrong things- and trust your instincts if you feel something is wrong and your child is being secretive.

Other than that, I certinaly wouldnt be looking over the child's shoulder all the time- I do think teenagers need to feel they are trusted too- unless they have proved they cant be.

[jamnkats]

My 12yo and 14yo both have their own laptops and I have no restrictions (software or simple use) for them. If I didn't trust my boys to use the internet with respect for our family safety and their own safety it would be silly of me to give them access to the internet.

 

We have ongoing talks about the safety of the internet and curiosity and I'll be the black sheep here and admit that I honestly don't have a problem with their viewing porn or reading erotica. We have talked about porn pretty extensively and they know what I think about porn (it has it uses but it also objectifies women terribly and many women in the industry are abused and coerced in the porn they produce). I trust them to make their own choices.

 

I know my 12yo has absolutely no interest and while I'm certain my 14yo does not regularly view porn, I know he's visited erotica (written) sites and is curious. I've suggested the scarleteen site to my 14yo; the 12yo is not even close to being "there" yet. The 14yo still has no interest in girls and hasn't hit puberty but I'm pretty sure he's on the cusp so we keep the lines of communication open. I'd rather that approach than spying.

 

But we're a consentual family and I wouldn't install any software on his computer without his permission.