sjean2015 Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 My 19 year old now has his driver's license. We live in CA. Freeways are terrible here. Fortunately in our city, he doesn't have to drive the terrible drives...But I am still afraid to let him drive. His CC is 30 miles away and it's a long dark stretch at night, sometimes foggy. We have one car and I want to get him his own car, but even then, it still doesn't take away my fear of him getting hurt driving. I know it is irrational and I don't want to hold him back!! He needs to drive to become an experienced driver. Has anyone had these fears or am I just one crazy mom? I feel like I am crazy for having these fears. I just want to be able to let him go and have his freedom, but I'm afraid for him to get on those freeways. I appreciate anyone helping me to get over this fear. I just don't know how to stop being fearful. I feel like a terrible mom for this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 I think these fears are completely normal and not irrational at all. And having a difficult traffic situation makes them worse. I was very nervous about DD driving. DH taught her well, but I still worried. The first few times she drove on her own I asked her to text me as soon as she had arrived. After a few times, I was able to trust that she'd be fine and did not need her texts anymore - until she went on her first out of state road trip, that is. My DS got his license yesterday, and having him depart on his first solo drive made me nervous. I find this is one of the things that gets better the more you get used to it. The first few times are terrifying, and then it slowly becomes less anxiety provoking. And you are right, the only way for him to become an experienced driver is by driving. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junie Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 Let him drive while you are in the passenger seat. Then you will know when he has the skills to drive on his own. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hot Lava Mama Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 I am just going through the permit process in CA with oldest DS. I am finding it easier to relax as he becomes more experienced. I assume it will be the same way when he drives solo. Although, my fear factor always ramps back up when we come to a new experience with him-like getting trapped between two big rigs! I find it very hard to let go, but, alas, we must. Hot Lava Mama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Girls' Mom Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 I was rather fearful too, but I have found the more she drives the less fearful I am. I still get nervous when she goes to new places, but it doesn't phase me anymore when she drives to school or church. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sjean2015 Posted May 17, 2015 Author Share Posted May 17, 2015 Oh gosh...Hot Lava Mama!!! driving between two big rigs!!! That's the stuff that scares me!!! I have to take a deep breath and let...him...go.... Thank you ladies for your support. I've been feeling a bit isolated as a parent and it helps to know that my fears are not unfounded. I have to let the boy be a man! Thanks for your replies..One day at a time.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hot Lava Mama Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 Oh gosh...Hot Lava Mama!!! driving between two big rigs!!! That's the stuff that scares me!!! I have to take a deep breath and let...him...go.... Thank you ladies for your support. I've been feeling a bit isolated as a parent and it helps to know that my fears are not unfounded. I have to let the boy be a man! Thanks for your replies..One day at a time.. Yep! That was a situation in which I had to take a deep breath and have a calm voice so that I didn't freak him out anymore. He suddenly lost confidence and he had to move quickly because his lane was ending and the two big rigs were closing him in pretty tight. He did it, but I was a bit shaky afterwards! :) I was wishing I had a giant, blinking sign that read "NEW DRIVER! PLEASE DON'T DO ANYTHING CRAZY AROUND HIM-LIKE BLOCKING HIM IN!" Hot Lava Mama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xixstar Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 It simply took lots of drives for me to get comfortable with oldest driving. The first months made me feel physically sick I was so nervous and worried but it had been over a year now and it isn't a problem. I get a little nervous on busy highways because they have little opportunity to practice there, but we all survive. It was very nerve wracking at the start and I thought I wouldn't be able to do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom22ns Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 I have to take a deep breath and let...him...go.... Thank you ladies for your support. I've been feeling a bit isolated as a parent and it helps to know that my fears are not unfounded. I have to let the boy be a man! This. Your fears are reasonable, but you must set them aside. He is an adult. You can't protect him forever, in spite of how much you want to! My oldest is ASD. He had a very difficult time learning to drive. I wasn't sure if he would ever be a safe driver. But he has been driving almost 2 years now accident free. I used to track his every move when he was out alone because I was so nervous. Now I rarely worry at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swimmermom3 Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 Your fears are very reasonable and as everyone else has said, much of that will go away with time. I do have a couple of thoughts for you. We have three kids and they are all very different drivers. We did make sure everyone took a good driver's ed program and even paid for an extra defensive driving course for oldest son - trust me, he needs it. The older kids were more reluctant to get their licenses and I think our dd was 20 and our oldest son was 18. Our youngest is totally different. I think he has helped me find the car in a parking lot since he was seven. We changed our tactics with him and had him drive everywhere - and I mean everywhere! He has had his license for not quite a year and he is seventeen. Any time we go anywhere together, he drives. He's had a ton of downtown driving experience and that includes when we roadtrip to larger cities like Seattle and San Francisco. Dh, who has nerves of steel, did balk at having him do the heart of SF, but we did have him drive in outlying areas and in some of the crazy freeway driving. He's driven coastal roads at night and curvy mountain roads in fog. We have tried to put him in almost every situation we can think of. Snow is a hard one because we haven't had all that much. He's had way more road time than the other two kids and I think this has helped all of us relax to a certain extent. I also recommend having a young driver see a map of a new destination or check out road cams to familiarize themselves with identifying landmarks. The more confident they are of the route, the less likely they are to make a last minute correction that turns into an accident. It's not enough to rely on Siri who is often wrong. The more prepared your young driver is, the easier it will be for you to let go. That doesn't mean there won't be drives that you are anxious about, but that's just part of being a parent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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