How long does it take a college student to feel "settled" in their new environment?

[periwinkle]

I just got off the phone with my oldest ds, who moved into his dorm last Thursday. I could tell he is feeling a bit out-of-sorts...he said everything is so new and it doesn't sound like he is connecting with his roommate. I'm kind of surprised he is homesick already, as he spent the whole summer working at a camp and only got to come home on Saturdays. When I pressed him, he reassured me he is ok. I told him probably most of the freshmen feel the way he does, and it will get better. Was I right?

 

P.S. On a brighter note, he said his Calculus course is easy, whew! I guess he did learn something using Dr. Callahan's course last year.

[Jenny in Florida]

She was young, of course, so others may accomplish this more quickly. And there was some upheaval. She did not click with her roommate (or, perhaps, it might be more fair to say her roommate did not click with her) and ended up participating in a room-swap just a few weeks into the semester. It was not her idea, and she resisted it (not because she wanted to stay with the original roommate, but because it seemed like a lot of hassle to move), but it ended up being great for her. She became quite close friends with the second roommate, while the girl who replaced her in the first room ended up leaving campus under dramatic circumstances.

 

Then, of course, there was the common challenge of figuring out how to manage her time, which resulted in me taking three or four teary, late-Sunday-night phone calls from her talking her down and helping her to strategize and figure out how to get done all the work she needed to do for the following week. She pretty much always managed it--or coped reasonably gracefully with the consequences--but it was stressful for both of us.

 

By the second semester, she had made some connections and found places to go and things to do and had the time management issues mostly under control. We had, I think, only one of those late-Sunday phone calls in the second semester, and she knew when she called me that she had dug the hole and was capable of getting out of it. She just wanted some hand-holding to make the plan.

[Miss Marple]

Is he coming home for the long weekend? My son is only 3 hours away so he is coming home. He has called at least once a day (probably because he knows I'd feel sad if he didn't) and says things are going fine. He did have a 2 hour political discussion (oops argument) with his roommate which seemed to bother him a bit. I wonder if my son will ever feel settled in a large university environment.

 

Has your son considered any of the clubs or activities on campus? Ds says that the clubs, etc. will have booths on campus next week in order to showcase who they are and what they do. He is planning to look into the Christian Philosophers and Apologists Club as well as some of the intermural sports groups. He has also frequented the Baptist Student Union - it seems that all the denominations are represented at OU.

 

I don't think my son is "settled" yet, but I think *he* thinks he just needs some time and more exposure to other students.

[periwinkle]

Is he coming home for the long weekend? My son is only 3 hours away so he is coming home. He has called at least once a day (probably because he knows I'd feel sad if he didn't) and says things are going fine. He did have a 2 hour political discussion (oops argument) with his roommate which seemed to bother him a bit. I wonder if my son will ever feel settled in a large university environment.

 

Has your son considered any of the clubs or activities on campus?

 

Not this weekend, unfortunately.

 

Freshmen are not allowed to have cars on campus, and ds is 4 hours away. He will not be coming home until fall break in late October (8 weeks away). Dh and I are considering taking the family out to see him on a weekend in September. In fact, when I mentioned that to ds, I could hear his voice brighten up a bit...so, I will probably push for this to happen.

 

I'll have to remind him about clubs. I forgot to mention them; that might be a good place to make some friends. Thanks!

[Alyce]

Most College kids communicate in Facebook and when she got to school she opened one. I did as well. No One sees anything on it unless the owner allows them to be your friend, so if your child is smart and only allows admittance to people they know it's safe. We do alot of our communication that way and are talking to each other almost everyday. It's made a difference. My dd too doesn't have a car and is 3 hours away. It's already been a problem but one that we seemed to have solved. Her Japanese class requires a textbook but it can't be purchases at the college bookstore so she needs a ride their to get it. She hasn't been able to find anyone on campus but luckily one of her relatives (not one we know well but has said he would help) is going to take her by. So far it seems God has answered our prayers regarding roommates. They are a lot alike and get along well. She is also very studious and is a christian so that has helped her settle alot too.

[Gwen in VA]

We haven't heard from my son yet -- he is hiking (in the rain) on the Appalachian Trail as part of pre-orientation. So we are just waiting to hear.....

 

Last year my dd had good days and bad days. At the beginning everything was new and strange and she was psyched, so everything went smoothly. But then she had a crisis that involved adding and dropping a class. That threw her for a loop. As the year progressed her smooth periods got longer and her rough periods got shorter -- until the housing lottery last spring, which was NOT fun.

 

I think life at college may be a bit like a toddler learning to walk -- it's fun and novel, but you fall on your nose a lot. As you get more competent, then the world expects more of you, so you still have those periodic tumbles. One of our jobs as parents has always been to coach them on how to get up and dust themselves off and face another day.

[Jane in NC]

We haven't heard from my son yet -- he is hiking (in the rain) on the Appalachian Trail as part of pre-orientation. So we are just waiting to hear.....

 

 

Oh my--there has been fall out from Fay on the AT. I suppose that weather is part of the experience: a few years ago, when my husband and son were hiking along the AT near the NC/VA border, they experienced rain, snow, sleet and dense fog all on one day.

 

Is the hike an opportunity for all incoming freshmen at W&L? (I don't remember you mentioning your daughter doing anything like this-did she?) If so, my son would adore it! He has found a way to include a backpacking trip in his life annually for the past several years.

 

Jane

[ChemMommy]

But the first three weeks are the absolute worst!

 

The standing advice around my college is that we should discourage students from going home during the first three weeks since that forces them to learn about hobbies, club, activities on campus.

 

The whole first semester is a HUGE learning experience. Second semester, they kind of know what mistakes to avoid and have learned some things through the school of hard-knocks.

 

Also, mom and dad start being more intelligent by then and can actually offer advice that will be listened to!:thumbup:

[Gwen in VA]

W&L offers pre-orientation trips through a program called "The Leading Edge." 50% of the freshman class participates, which is pretty high considering that athletes can't participate.

 

There are several programs offered through TLE, some involving looking at poverty (its causes and effects) in different areas (D.C., Roanoke, Kentucky, and Lexington) and others involvingg hiking the AT or rock-climbing.

 

Last year dd1 looked at the culture in the coal-mining area of Kentucky and how poverty affected the people there. She is glad she went because the trip helped her to meet folks so she knew some people when she arrived on campus for good. She was not thrilled with the program, though.

 

Ds1 chose the hiking program -- and because of Fay he should be having a wet, soggy, damp, and clammy experience. Hopefully the miserable weather will promote bonding! Hopefully he will call tomorrow night!