ktgrok Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 I'd tell her that I'm praying for him and her, that I hope everything works out, but given the past I can't risk having my children around him. I hope she can understand. That honestly, I still have a lot of anger towards him so it would be best if he and I can avoid each other to avoid any pain on either side. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 The real key here is, forgiving someone who repents is Biblical. When they have really repented. My guess is that his excuses, ect show he is not really repenting, he is working everyone. But I don't know him and could be wrong. But you have to do unto others as you would want done unto you, and if you had done bad things you would want other people to show caution around you and let you know you were on your honor. You would not want to repeat what you had done. To me, that is the difference between forgiving and pretending nothing happened. There is a big difference between forgiving and forgetting and pretending nothing happened. Nowhere in the Bible is anyone instructed to pretend.I agree. Additionally, it is one thing to forgive. It is another to rebuild trust. Whether this man is truly repentant, only time will tell. He must regain your trust. Of course, his priority in trust building begins with his wife and her son. Be available to them without an "I told you so" in the coming months and years. You can have distance with grace, but to cold shoulder him may leave you out of the position to render assistance to your nephew and sil if they do need it. Regarding your feelings, I get ya. I have a very strong sense of justice and have to really work through forgive-and-forget sorts of circumstances. Is this man receiving counseling OUTSIDE the church, aside from his pastor? I think that's crucial. Some churches have pastors with excellent counseling skills, but I've seen some who get in over their heads yet refuse to refer their sheep to specialists in counseling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cera Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Sorry. I accidentally hit the reply button before I was done! No, he can't come live with me. She is a wonderful mother, I can't imagine she would ever lose custody and I would never in a million years even think of doing something like that. She really is a wonderful mother, and despite all this crap he is going through, my nephew is a wonderful young man. A wonderful mother wouldn't be allowing her son to be abused. She may be great to him but her choice to put him in the situation she has put him in would certainly keep me from considering her a wonderful mother. As far as how you feel, I would feel the same way. I think I would probably tell him point blank what I think of him and that I am watching the way he acts. I would tell SIL that I am always available if she needs help or needs to give her kids a break from the stress then be respectful but distant to her husband (and never let my kids be around him unsupervised). I would also tell my nephew that I am always available if he needs something or a break from the stress of home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Is this man receiving counseling OUTSIDE the church, aside from his pastor? I think that's crucial. Some churches have pastors with excellent counseling skills, but I've seen some who get in over their heads yet refuse to refer their sheep to specialists in counseling. Yes. And domestic abuse is a specialty: general counseling and anger management are not sufficient. I am a skilled counselor and would refer domestic abuse intervention. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 l If he ever touched my nephew, I'm positive that would be the kick she needed to leave for good. I do not for one second think that she would stay with him if he *physically* abused her son. And I really really hope I'm right about that. I'm really worried about him though, because he is protective of his mother. And he's 12- and growing. It will be very soon when he is taller than BIL.... I fear for the day when BIL views him as a threat. She would leave for good in that event- but the damage will already be done, you know? the questions I would have is if the bil hits him and your sister isn't there to witness it. who would she believe? sad to say there are many women who will "believe" the abuser over their kids becasue they do not want to deal with reality. I would suggest you help get your nephew into positive outlets for his anger - lest one day he take it out on his mother's husband. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 . Whether this man is truly repentant, only time will tell. if he is truly repentant - he would be *willing* and cooperative to see a counselor who deals with DV. as joanne said, anger management doesn't do much for DV. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 if he is truly repentant - he would be *willing* and cooperative to see a counselor who deals with DV. as joanne said, anger management doesn't do much for DV. Yes, I agree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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